Sending my son off to college

Good morning.

I was hoping to find ideas or suggestions to help with transitioning our son to college in August. The good news is that he has his Dexcom 5G and he is more on board with handling his diabetes and is doing better. We have had so many issues with not testing or bolusing, etc. I feel we are finally all rowing in the same direction.

My question also is regarding roommates and having that conversation with them and his RA and so forth. I am nervous that I may be overstepping boundaries but how do I let others know without embarrassing my son?

have a talk with your son to see how he wants to handle this. After all you need him to step up and take the reigns. I understand the momma bear thing, but like I was told… need to cut the apron strings and let him be an adult especially with his disease. Still be involved, but needs to be his decisions now.

Lots of really good resources here

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I concur with kimfing. He needs to have ownership of this himself now. Encourage him to talk to his roommate and RA, on the grounds that if they know ahead of time they can help him faster in time of need than if he has to explain mid-emergency, but don’t do it for him.

Thank you so much! Exactly what I was looking for but didn’t state it as clearly as I should have. Can’t wait to share this with my son…it feels very empowering!

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Amen to that! We have talked about it and he is aware but without the experience I think it is hard for him to really understand.

Personal opinion, but I would feel much more comfortable sending my child into college knowing they can reasonably handle three drinks at home, before they do it on their own. Talking is one thing, experience is everything.

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The subject of alcohol was at the top of the list of worries for me. This was a big help with my daughter.

I encouraged my daughter to discuss her T1 with her counselor. The counselor directed her to student services & they guided her through notifying her teachers. My daughter is living at home for now but when she transfers, I’ll definitely encourage her to talk to her roomate. In the end, it will be up to her to disclose or not, & all I can do is advise. I think (hope) she’ll be smart enough to prepare a safety net for herself.

Stepping back from the mama bear role has been hard for me, but it’s time.

How long has he been diabetic? Does he do a decent job of managing his condition?

I was diagnosed at 7 so I was pretty comfortable with my T1D by the time I got to college. It was a learning curve and I did have an insulin reaction my first semester overnight and woke up to paramedics in the room because my roommate had to call 911. But that was the one and only time that anything got that serious. In that sense, it’s probably safer to have a roommate than to have a single room.

College is all about students taking charge of their education and life, so it should really be up to him if he chooses to tell his roommate, his RA, or any college officials. He’ll make mistakes for sure, but it’s critical he learn how to manage his diabetes and learn to make smart decisions about it so that he’s prepared for adulthood.

I didn’t get a pump until partway through college and then a CGM much later, so balancing classes, social life (granted, I wasn’t a drinker), and dorm food was a transition. My A1C definitely suffered a bit, but not terribly so (I think I mostly ran in the 8s during college). Eventually I got back on track.

Please let him be independent with this. It really is important, as hard as it is for you. Until he demonstrates that he really can’t handle college and is wasting financial aid or your money, let him figure this out.

I may have a little different point of view. I believe that when a young man goes off to college he is accepting a part of adulthood. Being an adult even if he is 18 also means taking care of himself. That part we are agreed on.

I tend to follow the something my doctor stressed to me, He said when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired you will take care of your diabetes. I assume if your son refuses to go to class he will need to come home? I would say the same with diabetes goals. So here is how I would approach it:

  1. You will need to take care of diabetes in the same way you take care of grades in order for us to continue ongoing support.

  2. Set goals, if your A1C is less than x (say 7.5) and it is done quarterly then he can continue your support. If not, he will lose your support.

  3. Give ways to help. Part of being an adult means being open about diabetes. No more notes from mom. He will need to manage this including dealing with the resident assistant. I suggest he be responsible for approaching the college disability services office to inform them of the issue and likewise to arrange services if needed. I urge him to discuss it with his RA but I would not make it a condition of support. Let’s say he does not do these things and a syringe is found on the floor etc? It will be more difficult to talk about after an incident than it ever will before.

  4. Mom and dad will not bail you out. You know all that stuff we did in HS to help you be responsible? Like watching your carbs helping with school etc? It is now on your shoulders. I am sincere in this and you must be also.

  5. Have faith, kids have been doing this for years. 99.9% survive and thrive. I bet if you allow it, your son will as well.

I realize that this sounds harsh. But it is not. Yes you can be concerned and even wish him the best, but this is not one you can do for him.

Trust me he will fail and succeed but overall I am betting on your son.

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Monica,

My son just graduated from college and he did great. Some things to check on: 1) My son was able to file a letter with the Disabilities Office which notified each of his instructors of his Type 1 diabetes. He was allowed to have a snack in his backpack, made instructors aware that he was checking is BG, not texting on his phone, etc. 2). Check the emergency contact # of the Campus Police/Paramedics and put it in his phone (On our campus, it was not just 911) and make sure they have all of your numbers as contacts 3). Make sure he has a new glucose pen out and available and lots of snacks; My son found a rubber emergency bracelet like the runners wear that he could live with. 4) My son was allowed his own refrigerator for insulin (do not get the one with the freezer - it can get too cold and freeze the insulin) 5). I let my son choose who to tell even though it made me very nervous; He became fast friends with his suitemate and told him first and then others, even doing some of his class speeches on his diabetes and new technology. 6). The campus medical team was reluctant to treat him, so get a dr. referral for the campus town just in case and schedule major appts for holidays and summers at home. 7). Carbs counts should be available for the campus cafeteria and many campus eateries are fast food chains with carb counts online 8) Keep a record of his latest pump settings and have RXs and know how to revert back to insulin shots if needed; My son lost one Omnipod PDM and another failed 9) Have the “alcohol” talk. My son was the only one picked up at the dorm party with a clean breathalyzer test. It is hard to find a group with so much of campus life centered around drinking. My son joined some club sports teams where under-aged drinking was not allowed and some religious type organizations. By the time he was of age he knew drinking wasn’t that great. 8) Initially, we ordered all supplies to our house and took them when we visited but as he came home less and we visited less, he moved his RXs to the local CVS.

I know this sounds scary but really we never had to use any of this. He stepped up and did really well managing everything and became a lot less sensitive about it than high school. But, it made me feel better knowing precautions were in place. I was not the least bit sorry when one of his new roommates was a premed student with his EMT certification.

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Donna,

Thank you so much! Great info and exactly what I needed to hear! I will screen shot your message so I can use it as a check list. I think some may have thought I was an over-protective mom afraid to let her little boy go…quite the opposite, I am so excited for him to venture out but know the realities of life and past experiences have had me a little worried. Truly, the Dexcom has been an eye-opener for him and has really helped getting his numbers better.

Congratulations to your son and to you! So nice to hear successful stories! Thank you for taking the time to reply to me!

Monica

I was diagnosed as a type 1 at age 14 and went away to university at 18 with no problems. Eventually I earned eight university degrees in four different countries (United States, Canada, England, and Germany), so I was not only adjusting to dealing with diabetes on my own and the university experience but also with different countries and cultures. But I was only able to do so because that was back in the days before strict blood sugar control was the norm and before even home glucometers were available. I would have concerns now about living alone at university because of the danger of hypoglycemic episodes, which in the good old days did not occur as often or as severely. My recommendation would be to increase the safety margin between the target blood sugar level and the risk of seizures while away at university.

I’ll tell you that my experience was that I din’t know anything at twenty years old, compared with 35. Diabetes requires lifelong learning. Undergraduate coursework is very difficult and doesn’t allow much time for anything else. My lawyer friend with narcolepsy says that it took her much longer to get through school because of her illness. I believe that diabetes and epilepsy presented great challenges to me in my undergraduate. If I had to do it over again, I would not push as hard. I would go at a slower pace so I had the mental/emotional stamina to maintain my health and feel better. Feeling good is important to performance.

I just went back to graduate school and although it is also time consuming, I am only taking two classes a semester. I am having a much better experience than in my undergraduate, and my grades are much improved. To be perfectly honest, though, I am not taking as much care of my diabetes. It has fallen a bit by the wayside in the face of coursework. Its tough, but doable.

Hopefully he has some trust worthy friends at school that will look out for him. Remind him that if he drinks, he should do it with people whom he trusts and know about his condition. He might consider taking some classes in nursing just to find a good group of proactive friends who know something about diabetes.