Tough day/night for me this weekend, Jacob has first sleep over with 3 other boys. ok he is 14 not 5 and pretty good with self management but I was still nervous. He texted me at 9 felt low had a piece of pizza, didn't feel to great about that... he texted me at 1245 bs 130 better... then we has said I would probably pick him up around 1030 but he would call..meanwhile his cell ran out of battery and typical Jacob not standing up for his needs did not ask if anyone had a charger he could use... and stupid me I did not have the parents # he has been there several times but I usually just communicate with him through his cell and make sure a parent has my # in case of emergency. so at 11 am I went over and was in tears with worry the mom was cool she is a second grade teacher so she has a tiny bit of diabetes knowledge.. but I felt like an idiot breaking down in front of her, I was like I still check to see if he is breathing everynite, so they all decided to make the day of it, I went home they golfed ate out and swam Jacob was able to charge his phone and connect with me the mom called me twice with updates.. all went well no major highs or lows he handled himself well so lesson learned for mom I need to step back and trust...Jacob was grateful I let him stay the day but embarrassed that I stopped up... I just feel no one really gets the worry or constant vigilance required with parenting a child with diabetes, I really hope Jacobs new friends mom's don't think I am a helicopter neurotic mom! amy
The kids might not get it, but I am guessing the parents do. And Jacob will understand when he's older.
My daughter is 12, diagnosed 2 years ago. I actually checked on her at the sleepover at midnight! The mom knows me well, so it was fine and her friends didn't seem to care or notice. It was like I needed to see for myself that she was ok, even though she could simply text me her BS#. I think I barely slept all night and I was the first mom to arrive the next morning for pick up (My daughter already texted her BS# at 7am.) I honestly dread sleepovers!! I understand your anxiety!
Sounds as though you have done an awesome job preparing Jacob to handle his diabetes on his own. Great team work. Our older two are in their 20's and do not have diabetes, but there were times when we panicked over lack of communication from them and also realized how much we relied on their cell phones. There is a lot to remember for our diabetic kids and allowing him to have a sleep over like this one will help him better prepare for next time! Hope Jacob will have a wonderful summer. Stephanie
Personally I find sleepovers to be very hard as well. My daughter is 13 and was diagnosed last August. Prior to that time, she had sleepovers on a fairly regular basis. However, it took a very long time for me to get 'comfortable' (I use that term very loosely)and allow her to attend one. I don't know if it helps, but I would have responded the same way as you. Even now she has very strict rules regarding sleepover - required texting before giving insulin before a night time snack, texting/calling prior to bed with her BG, calling/texting as soon as she is up with BG numbers. I do not go into to see if she is breathing, but that is because she has a CGM - I now sleep in an extra bedroom that is closer to her room so her CGM will receive the signal. I do not even think my husband understands the worry or constant vigilance (probably because he knows I worry and watch enough for both of us). If she is not wearing her CGM, she gets awakened in the middle of the night to check her BG. Luckily she is a pretty good sport about it. We have, however, recently had a few times when she was away that she did not respond or do what I asked regarding her care. She, too, is pretty good with self care, but we sometimes differ on what she should do in a given situation - we will usually discuss it and both compromise a little. It is sooooo hard... I dread so many things coming up (she will be in 8th grade this fall)... how am I supposed to send her away to college or to camp or anything that involves an extended period of time away from home??? Our school is great, but summer is harder when they are out with friends and away from home without someone who knows about T1D more often. I guess what I am trying to say is you are not alone, and I think many T1D parents would not think that you are a neurotic mom. You are vigilant and caring, and you live with the same fear we all do every single day. I think you should congratulate yourself for allowing Jacob to go on the sleepover. According to our school nurse, that is rare. I would love to hear from any parents who have older children with T1D - how do you (or did you) handle these things? How about driving, and summer camp, and college?? Does it ever get easier??? Ginger
Parents will remain parents no matter how old their child grows.Don't worry what others will think of you, just follow your heart.
thanks all for your support, it means a lot. I feel like we are on same page ginger... I agree with differing on exactly what to do and how to proceed with specific doses and situations. Jacob is getting more and more independent and kind of wants to do his own thing a lot, I ask how was your blood sugar and I get good.... of course I check and track all his numbers, but I think it is important at this developmental age to hand over some control it goes with the age of wanting to be independent with or without diabetes, plus how will they ever learn or comfortable go off to college without this transition. I do think this needs to be a gradual progression with them still knowing we have their back and can let us take over at times or be there for input. so you all are heading to your first anniversary correct? I can assure you your comfort level will grow and your letting your daughter know you trust her judgment will help her tremendously. of course it is a lot easier to trust their judgment when they are under your own roof and not out with friends!!! oh and yes my husband worries but certainly not to the level that I do... they just don't have that strong protector mother hen instinct that we do or maybe they step back as you suggest knowing we've got this... plus I think it is harder for them to see and process that their child is not 'perfect'. in any case thanks again for your support it goes both ways you can vent to me anytime! amy
I appreciate you honesty!! I am so sorry that you have had to go through this, but I hope you know that your candor will help others as they prepare for their kids to go out into the world. I need this type of information. My daughter is only 13, but she was just diagnosed a year ago... college will come too fast! This is very helpful and tells me I need to slowly start letting her make her own decisions - let her make some mistakes when she is at home, where I can help her - so that she is ready when the time comes. I just hope I am ready then, too!
I remember you mentioning that your son has been having some trouble please do not blame yourself all we can to is educate them then best we can and hope that they will be motivated to make good decisions they say the teen/early adulthood years can be very challenging for the diabetic and of course their parents! I hope you do not mind if I ask when he had the severe lows was there alcohol involved, I know that can be a whole new can of worms with dealing with dosing and all ... in anycase I hope he will be able to put that behind him and find the motivation to care for himself in a healthy mindful way I know he is into sports and exercise hopefully the rest will fall into place for him... I do think if his decisions are predominantly motivated by fear a good counselor or mentor would be so good for him... of course you can lead a horse to water but you can't always make him drink...hoping for better for both of you!
the hockey stuff and intense exercise scares the heck out of me to be honest. I am quite happy that Jacob asked if he could take up golf next semester I was like yes we can handle that! I know we just need to work around what they like temp basal reductions, fatty meals at bed time but it would make me nervous and I probably would feel compelled to do those overnight checks, Jacob hates it so we rarely check, I know kind of taboo but everyones diabetes and treatment and comfort level is different. I am sooo glad you son has hooked up with some new people, sad to say not all doctors and educators are created equal. hopefully by connected with a new network he will become more confident and less fearful. I have always sensed through your replies and posts here your son has a very good head on his shoulders he'll get there. when you think of how archaic treatment was even like 50 years ago if it makes him feel better to runs his A1c up a bit in the short term he will be fine. I think you are doing a great job supporting him, hope the summer is good to you both! amy