I was round my nan and grandads today, with my mum. We had dinner, and my Grandad was asking how many carbs were in the foodon my plate. My stepdad then offered me more potatoes, and my mum said “No she can’t have any more - she has already had 50 grams”. The point of carb counting is to work out how much insulin I need - not to restrict what I eat.
Then she really annoyed me. At my nans, we have to stay seated until everyone has finished. But I got up , to get my insulin. Nan asked where I was going and I told her. As I left the room, she said “It wont kill her to wait a couple of minutes”, to which my mum replied “Just let her haveher moment”. HAVE MY MOMENT. So suddenly, me looking after myself is me HAVING MY MOMENT.
I am so sick of it all. I am sick of being told I go low too often at work, I am sick of the fact I can’t drive because I have Hypoglycemia Unawareness. I am sick of the fact that I have to stick a needle in me, and people get grossed out and tell me to do it in the toilet. I am sick of having to ask how many carbs are in the hotchocolate, or chips, or whatever I am eatng, and my friends get embarassed and the staff think I am weird.
I am sick of going low when intimate with my other half. I am sick of going low with stress. I am sick of worrying so much about going low, that I end up eating too much or not giving enough insulin, and end up going high.
I am just so sick of it all. I don’t want to be diabetic. But then I feel bad, because my illness is at least treatable. But i am just so sick of it all. I feel I will never reach the good mark for my HbA1c. I am worried about my future, and my health. I am worrid about getting pregnant, but I want to settle down to having children in a couple of years.
I am sick of ignorant people. Why do they think they have the right to try and ‘help’ us, just becase we are diabetic. They think they know best, and we know nothing. I was actually told by a manager that I don’t look after my sugars because I go low a lot, and that if I continue to go low, I wont be able to work there any more. I am tryng so hard. I have only been diabetic for 4 years, and have only just found out about carb counting. I still don’t even know I am taking the right amount of night time insulin.
Sorry. Just having a bad day.