Your personification of diabetes as an enemy resonates with me. Not everyone likes this tactic but it has served me well. I see diabetes as my mortal enemy because that is simply fact. If you let it have its way with you, you will likely die a slow and miserable death.
Young people coined a term I find useful in this discussion, “frenemy.” It’s an enemy you hold closely, like a close friend. Well, we can’t really physically distance ourselves from diabetes; it is unfortunately physically woven into our body. But we can also see diabetes as an external foe that we can defeat, crush, and reduce into a smaller irritant.
I watch my diabetes data every day. I’ve found that this act of observing my data subconsciously engages and motivates me to move the data in a better direction. When I can post great data, I can pump my fist like the victorious warrior that I am. I take pride when I perform well.
On the other hand, when my numbers don’t measure up, I simply write it off due to diabetes. And vow to start doing better, starting right now. Perfection is not the goal here; I take comfort in just reaching for better. When each of the better steps start to add up, I eventually find myself in an excellent position with my diabetes.
I liked your post because I see in it a spirit that has served me well. It’s the fundamental dissatisfaction with the status-quo, a righteous anger harnessed for a return to health that impresses me.
You live with diabetes for 1440 minutes of every day, 8,760 hours of every year. This experience adds up and counts for something. I would never let a doctor make changes on my pump. And I’m not afraid to respectfully disagree with my doctor. When I disagree, I tell them in no uncertain terms. This is my diabetes!
As you so eloquently stated, “I’m not stupid. So, I’m taking control. Let’s do this!”
With any revolutionary diabetes change, it all starts with fierce spirit. You have that now. Now arm yourself with the best diabetes data that you can measure and start making it better! Good luck.
By the way, I noticed that you’ve lived with diabetes since 1990. This marks your 28th year of this struggle. Twenty eight years is exactly when I finally took full ownership with my diabetes, complete with an angry realization that doctors were simply documenting my demise, not doing what I needed to thrive. It was kind of like that moment in the Wizard of Oz when the dog, Toto, pulled back the curtain and exposed the wizard for the sham that he was. I still find doctors useful but they no longer appear on a pedestal in my eyes.