The Hook Shot


#1

Please forgive me for this, I had to post this joke. LOL
Ed and Linda met on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.
Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Linda to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Linda was indeed his soul mate and true love.
Every date seemed better than the last. On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Linda to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little serious talk before our relationship continues. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that’s going to be a problem for us, you’d better say so now!"
Linda paused, then responded, "Ed, that certainly won’t be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we’re being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I’ve been a hooker."
Ed said, “It’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”


#2

Okay, then, as long as the topic is golf jokes . . .

Moses and Jesus decide to play a round of golf. At the first hole, Moses hits a spectacular tee shot: straight as an arrow, 250 yards down the middle of the fairway, landing about 40 yards short of the pin.

Jesus tees up and hits an utterly atrocious slice, far off into the rough. The ball strikes a rock and caroms high into the air. At just that moment, an eagle flies overhead and takes the ball in its mouth. It flies off in the direction of the green. Just as it passes overhead, a lightning bolt strikes it and the ball falls directly into the hole.

Moses watches all of this in silence. Then he turns to Jesus and says, “do you want to #%@#$% around, or do you want to play golf??”