Feeling good tonight, feeling humbled these pass few weeks no matter how bad things get. Appreciating everything that I do have. Can’t change the past, but I can make the future more meaningful. Been doing alot of preparing for the stuff to happen in our favor. At the same time making time for the family and having fun everyday as much as possible.
You never know when the last day will be. Stop being depressed, start looking at things that you can do. I don’t care if you are homeless or just out of it…you can turn your life around and make it more on your favor. You can do anything, you have to reach that strength in you which is called the POWER. You have the power to make anything small or big happen in your life.
I know times gets so bad but just sit back and imagine that you are in a better place and before you know it that time will come. Have faith in yourself. I write like this to you all because I know first hand how to scrape yourself off of the ground and say no more suffering. Any suffering I do will be me doing it to myself. Not anyone else can put me there anymore.
I had been messaging some of my friends here why I’m strong on alot of issues. I’m ready to explain why now to all of you all. I was a victim to sexual abuse as a child by my own father, at 12 - 14 years I was on the streets by this one man who sexually and physically abuse me.
By the time I was three days before my 16th bday I was married to a man who was addicted to drugs and alcohol, left that marriage at 6 months pregnant with my son, went into hiding to protect my unborn baby.
When I had that baby I was with someone else who I got pregnant again when my son was 4 months. That guy cheated on me with my best friend, left him when our son was barely 1, than the next one was more aweful…he was an alcoholic and verbal abusive. Once in a while he physically abuse me.
That lasted 9 years with alot of hardship, alot of pain. Alot of why is this happening to me. Than he got locked up for one of the assaults he did to me. Got into another relationship, when I thought everything was good…he was beating up my kids while I was at work.
When I found out, I had to look for him and my son. He had beated up my son so bad to were he hid him from me after my daughter told me what happened. Went after him with the cops and all, had the cops not been there I would of beaten him with the tire rod. Brother grabbed the rod out of my hand before the cops showed up, so than I yelled so loud for my son to come out from hiding were he had my son.
My son came out with large bruises all over his body, on his face from the street light I could see the whole face all bruised and swollen. The cops had to contain me because I was after him for doing such a thing to my son. The cops got him.
Than a month before the trial, he had an outside connection to try and kill my son so that he couldn’t testify. They, two hispanic males, jumped my son and took all his jewelry included a watch I bought for my son for bravery to testify. When I found the guys two hours later, I beat the main one up and told him to tell my ex that this will happen to him as well. I retrieved the watch and proudly gave it back to my son. The trial took place as planned, he was sentenced to three years only.
The next year, I find out that my youngest daughter was raped by my father. He was sentenced to life in prison. That all ended there, by my side was my best friend…Jboy. He had been my friend for like 7 months when we finally got to have my daughter video taped for the charges to be filed. When they came out and told us the details he held me tight and has been for over 9 years now.
My faith is strong, no matter with diabetes. When I’m feeling bad with diabetes I do all I can to make myself feel better quick. I have alot to do with my life that is positive. I can’t make this disease go away like all the other things, but I just won’t let it destroy what I have now a better life.
So when I write to people that it will get better, is because I care about them and want them to not give up hope and faith. I share my experiences of hardship to spread the message that nothing can destroy you. Take action, as the same time feel the power in you. I don’t care if you are in a wheelchair, in a financial bin, loveless, can’t hear, can’t see, can’t get the bills paid, in an abusive relationship, you can overcome anything. At the same time, you can be happy. It’s in you and when you pull it out of you to be happy believe me all else follows positive. I don’t care that my electricity bill is $800 right now for 2 half months, or that I have to pay out of pocket money for my girls doctor visit and there meds because of no insurance for them, or that my business went down alot …when I’m home with my family and with you all that’s making me happy. I will not let all this worry interfere with life. Not even diabetes.
So my friends, the power is in you. I came a long way to make my household a very stable and strong family, we will go thru anything and fight for that. All that I went thru has me to were I fight against abuse of any kind. Diabetes is here to stay, but I fight to have that life we have now. This disease won’t have me, I must live the life that was taken from me because everyday is hard to keep that depression away. I walked thru alot of people’s shoes before, I know the pain.
If anyone that reads this and has been thru alot, you can look me up here on this site and ask me anything. If you are going thru something that you want out and need that support message me. It’s tough having diabetes, but your life shouldn’t be. You deserve to be happy at all times. To be safe and positive as well.
To all, be safe and God bless. Patti