I am so tired of trying to fight with the doctors and the pharmacy and my insurance to get me the medications i need to survive. It makes me feel like death would be better than to go through all this crap just to manage something that is not my fault.
I think back two years ago and how my life has gone from a good one to one that i dont like being in. My kids are what keeps me going. I love them so much and it is so hard when i am sick or in pain to do anything with them.
When Becky died it almost killed me. My 3 year old little copy of myself. How could I go on without her? Somehow I have for 2 years but my body seems to be giving out.
I am not saying i want to die I just don't want the frustrations anymore. I am so worn out and stressed out and it feels like nobody gives a ■■■■ anymore. I feel backed into a corner with no way out.
Melissa, i can’t imagine what you are going through, but I want you to know that we, as your extended TuD family are here for you during the difficult times, and here when you need someone with whom you can talk, and a virtual hug, and shoulder on which to lean. Is there someone in your community who can support you by giving you some alone time to refresh? Or do something special with your kids, that is relaxed and a break for everyone? Chances are, your kids could use a stress busting break too ! Maybe you can all take a day to do something fun as just a family. Sending you big hugs, and I’m here if you want to message me!
Aliza Chana
Oh Melissa my dear....I have felt that....that my kids are what kept me going. Not that I am comparing what I have gone through to what you have experienced....what you have lost. I'm so so sorry to hear of your hurt, of being tired of it all, of feeling like it's not worth it. I'm so happy that you are reaching out...that you are letting us know exactly how you feel at this very moment. Life hurts so much sometimes, but even with the pain I can say that it's worth it. I can say, yes...that it WILL get better, slowly.
You will never forget your dear sweet little cherub....but it wont hurt as much.
Stay with us dear Melissa...stay and know that we care, that you are loved and that you are wrapped in prayer.
With deep love, and appreciation...and yes, buckets of hugs!
linda
Melissa, consider yourself wrapped in thousands of warm, supporting arms; your TuD family. I can't imagine what you've gone through, or what you're experiencing now, but you've shown your heart in your post - you're VERY brave.
I can't say I've been in your place, but I've had my share of tragedies in my life; they always feel to me as if the pain will never end. It doesn't, but with support it can become bearable.
PLEASE try to take even just an hour to do something for YOU. Read a book, take a walk, lock yourself in your room and have a good cry.
We ARE here for you. We all want to help you find a way out of that corner. Please, please keep posting. *Mega Hugs* from Delaware.
Melissa,
You are valued and needed, You are good, you are doing wonderful things. Thank you for all you do. We value and love you Mallissa.
I have suffered from sever depression for many years. So i know the depths of despair you speck of. My depression is not due to a tragedy such as yours, it was prompted by chronic disease and the untimely loss of my mother. It is something I have battled for many years.
Melissa, if there is one thing I know it is that you will feel better. Not perfect, immediately but better. All deep depression is like a Roller coaster ride. You experience times where you feel better and times when you feel worse. This depth of despair will ease. No you will not feel perfect, but better. Please look forward to that better day.
Melissa, we love you and wish the best. If you get a chance friend me and we can talk in private. I hope when you read this note you will feel better. I want to help if i can.
Good wishes Melissa
Rick
Melissa,
I'm sorry I'm a day late in replying. I don't have any good advice, but just wanted to send {{{{HUGS}}}} so you know I care.
-- Buffy