Anyone have an environment that is toxic to them?
For me, it is my Mum’s house. Mum is T2, Dad is not, but sure as hell doesn’t want to be as it runs in his family as well.
So Mum promised Dad she’d stop bringing in chips and cookies and ice cream and all that and keep healthy stuff in the house. She also said she’d make sure to keep things we could both eat for the days I come to visit or cook for them or whatever (Mum and Dad are getting up there, so I help from time to time).
My Mum, bakes like crazy! She kills me! Dad is at his wits end because she is constantly bringing in candy and chips and making cookies and brownies, etc., etc. Dad and I are both grazers so when it comes to self control it is SOOOO hard when the counter is loaded with cookies and brownies and such.
I stopped going over for about 3 weeks and Mum called because she thought I was mad at her. I told her why and she told me that Dad was on her case for the same reason and a friend of hers wasn’t coming over any more for the same reason. So I thought when Mum said she wouldn’t have that around we would be ok for a while. Boy was I wrong!!!
So I go over for dinner at her request, and dear sweet Mummy has made Spaghetti and Garlic Bread and Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies and Brownies with Ice Cream and Hot Fudge on them. And for a veggie: CORN. I swear, she’s trying to kill me. God love Daddy, he just shook his head and ate in silence.
I know she isn’t doing this to be vindictive, and she’s not ignorant of what we can and cannot eat. She knows how to make healthy meals. She just can’t seem to stop herself. I love her but I just can’t be around her. She even does that when going out to eat. She insists we share a meal for “portion control” but then chooses pasta every damn time!!!
Do you all have these toxic environments and if so, WHAT DO YOU DO to deal with them? Any tips on self control or tactics to not over eat while I’m there? Maybe I should eat first, then go over, but that kinda defeats the purpose of going for dinner. Any advice would be awesome!!!
I guess the best thing to do is to practice saying no, and when looking at something yummy just be strong and say no. Have alternative near by in case you need that “sweetness,” like sugar free jello or fave diet soda. I don’t know, it always sucks when i go grocery shopping because i will purposely not buy “bad” food.Then when i get home i’m stuck with the healthy, and sometimes it works. How about cooking for a night, but bring over the food or go grocery shopping with them first.
Gee, that’s a tough one. I’d feel completely sabotaged & also worried about my mom’s health.
Maybe if you did eat first, it would help get the message across. I eat before I go to parties & events where I know there will be nothing I can eat. I don’t wanted to be hungry & tempted. Perhaps eat something at home & just push her food around the plate?
Can you invite your parents to your house instead?
Some people who don’t eat properly enjoy having others eat the same way. Makes them feel less guilty, a variation of misery loves company.
Since not having dinner there for three weeks & her friend didn’t help, there probably isn’t much you can do to convince her to change. All that leaves is good self-control. Not easy, but being a good example & doing what’s best for you is important.
I look at foood I shouldn’t eat & think of what it’s going to do me. That keeps me from giving in.
Moms will always be Moms… I think they feel that when they cook and prepare the best tasting meals is that they please us…and when they please us…it makes them feel good… Showing that they love us. Probably the same when a wife prepares the best tasting meals for her husband…regardless of nutritional content.
Im blessed that my Mom is a dietitian by profession…so her Sunday cooking everytime we visit is wonderful. But I have a doting grandmother who does the same…saying no to her was a toughie! I started off with telling her about diabetes…and it can be detrimental if not managed…and FOOD plays a major part of management. Second…we had a deal, since she loves cooking and showing off her skills…I promised tasting everything she makes… from a tiny bite to a drop (she loves to be praised!). I invite them over at my Mom’s place or my place…there, I have control of the menu plan. The cooking prowess is handed down to my generation…that’s why I love to cook too. I guess discipline and self-control really does plays a major part in these situations.
Thanks you guys. I think I’m going to try the eating first and grocery shopping with them is a fabulous idea. Unfortunately I live in a second floor apartment so my parents can’t take the stairs to have dinner with me, that’s why I go there. But I’m definitely going to try some of those tips! Thanks again.
How about bringing your own healthy meal with you, when you go visit, even if the invite is for dinner? lol If you bring your own healthy meal, dad might even end up choosing your dish, instead of hers… and well… It might help her get the message, when no one’s gonna eat her food, anymore. Does she have Diabetic cookbooks? If she loves and enjoys cooking a lot, she might like trying recipes that seem naughty, but are nice… I dunno… Some people just need to cook, and have something to cook… Maybe get her a subscription to Diabetic Living. lol
Mum has the subscriptions and the cookbooks, most of which she bought herself. And she goes through periods where she does make healthy meals. I don’t know what her deal is. It’s like she’s trying to sabotage success. Dad and I have lots of talks about it, and neither of us can figure it out. It just bothers me, because I guess I feel like she isn’t being supportive of us. I don’t know, maybe I’m reading too much into but Dad feels the same way I do, and it is just hard you know!? I don’t want to distance myself, but at the same time it just isn’t a healthy place for me to spend any amount of time. It’s just… disappointing.
Do you think she might be going through some kind of denial, or something? Something she might need a therapist for?
Dad is blind, so he doesn’t shop or cook. And he expresses himself pretty strongly, but apparently it’s ineffectual.
She insists on sharing portions in the restaurant and then orders pasta? No no no. Practice that word no. Order your own meal anyway. Bring your own meal over anyway. Eat before you come over. Don’t become part of this game.
How about asking your Mother if you could bring a dish like a salad.Or for dessert maybe a fruit salad. That way you would have some control over what is served and you could eat smaller portions of the Pasta. Then maybe one time you could bring a more “Diabetic” friendly main course. I am going to assume for you to bring your own complete meal may insult her. But if you just bring one dish at a time at least you and your Father would have something each time that might be more appropriate for your diet. I have taken salads to a lot of my family dinners which are usually very heavy on the carb content. Good luck. It is hard to change when a parent is stuck in their way of doing things…
That’s a good idea. I think I’ll do that. I think partially it is hard for my mother to understand that pasta affects (effects? Lizmari!) me differently than her. I mean, she can eat Hamburger Helper and not flutter up a point in BS, but I look at the empty box and I’m up 100 points. WHICH BEGS THE QUESTION: ARE THEY POINTS OF BLOOD SUGAR OR SOMETHING ELSE? I have no idea- anyway…
Maybe it isn’t maliciousness or lack of support, maybe she just can’t comprehend that what is ok for her to eat, will put me in a coma. I don’t know. I think I’ll start with your suggestions (since we are invited for dinner tonight, YIKES) and see how things go. Thank you all for your suggestions, I do appreciate them!
I don’t have any solutions to this problem. I do want to express sympathy for your father. Living in the same house, he is has much more trouble than you do avoiding the temptations that a compulsive carb cook presents, and because marriage is a relationship between two parties with the same rights, he has no real control over what your mother does.
I inherited severe type II diabetes and was diagnosed at age 30. (My father died young of a stroke brought on by diabetes.) I have never been seriously overweight, just moderately. I am now 64 and my wife and I have been retired for two years. When we both worked, I generally did the cooking because she worked late and I worked early. Because I did the cooking, I could make sure the carbs were limited except at Christmas and Thanksgiving.
But since we have retired, she has taken over the kitchen totally and there are always cookies, cakes, fresh bread, and desserts of numerous types, etc, around. Additionally her idea of a perfect meal is a casserole of some type. And she is a great cook, probably as good as I have ever known. To make matters worse, almost all of our social outlets involve some sort of potluck or dinner, to which she often contributes. In the last two years, I have gained 20 lbs and struggled with blood sugar control
My wife knows her cooking makes it hard for me because of the diabetes. But she really enjoys cooking, and being a good cook is an important part of her identity. I have talked to her about changing emphases to meat and vegitables, or cooking with whole grains, but it just doesn’t seem to take. I hate to deny her being able to do something she loves, but I have a lot of trouble leaving food alone when it is just sitting there in front of me. I have taken to not going social events with her because of the food. And I spend most of my leisure time downstairs away from the kitchen, and unfortunately away from my wife. If my job had not been outsourced, I would go back to work just to be away from the house. Anyway, I know what your father is dealing with. When you care for someone, it is difficult to control what they do and often there are no good solutions.
affects. lol good job 