My 4 year old daughter was just diagnosed as a T1. I was diagnosed 3 years ago as a T1. No one else in my family has diabetes. My doctors all told me that the chances of my children having diabetes was very low. Obviously they were wrong. I am wondering if there are others in my same situation and can provide any advice, support, etc. I am worried about my younger 2 year old daughter as well rethinking the third child my husband and I were trying to have. I have found this community so supportive, knowledgable, and positive over the years.
I don't think your doctors were wrong. There is an excellent book called 'Diabetes Rising - How a Rare Disease Became a Pandemic and What to Do About it' by Dan Hurley, where he discusses the odds of getting type 1 diabetes if your parents have it.
Basically, I believe he said that if the mother is type 1, the odds are 7% that one of her children would be type 1. If the father is type 1, the odds are slightly higher - about 9%.
So, you just happen to belong to the 7% club. I know I constantly worry about my adult children - and urge them to get their BG's tested fairly regularly. In particular, my 34 year old daughter was recently dx'd with Grave's disease - another autoimmune deal - and once you have one autoimmune thing going, the odds are better that you will develop another. I gave her a meter and test strips (for her dog), but I don't think she's checking herself, dangit.
My father was a T1. I have one sibling who is not T1, but it has been recommended that she be followed very closely because, with two immediate relatives who are/were T1, she has as much as a 20% chance to also developing the condition at some point in her life. My understanding is that your risk of developing T1 increases with each immediate relative you have with the condition. Therefore, yes, your second daughter (and any subsequent children you have) are at a higher risk for developing the condition compared to the general population.
I think whether you have any additional children is only a decision you are in the position to make. You know what you can handle. Assume the worst - that all three of your children develop T1. Can you physically deal with that while taking care of yourself? You've got to make whatever decision is best for you and your family.