We talk alot about depression here…and rightly so. But I am wondering what other emotional feedback there is with people with diabetes that bother or alter your lifestyle.
Personally, I suffer from Chronic Severe Depression, so any depressive moods I have aren’t just “D” oriented, although have been more prevalent since I started working so hard on controlling my “D”.
I also feel a sense of fear. Fear of the unknown, answers that can’t be given, what if’s. Do you understand.? And what about my kids? Although they have both been tested now, and don’t have any signs of such, could I have passed it on to them. Their lifestyles are not such that this would be a determining factor.
I have a lot of anger about MY being the one in this generation of my family to carry it on. I know that my brother wouldn’t have been able to deal with having “D”…I don’t know my cousins well enough to know how they would deal with it. But I do have a “why me” attitude and then anger…
I have a deep frustration with friends who don’t do anything differently about their “D”…they don’t do anything. My life has changed completely, and they and their “D” are status quo, even though some are on insulin and pumps, etc. Their lives, habits etc haven’t changed a bit.
What other emotions have you found yourself having that you perhaps didn’t have before being diagnosed or have developed since being diagnosed?
Yeah… I can relate to the anger and frustration with friends. Two days ago, I was chatting online with a friend who also has D, and I casually said “I really don’t want to cook today, I am so tired…” and he said “You know, you CAN cheat… Your legs are not gonna fall off,” and that was really… offensive to me (even though I know he didn’t mean it to be)… especially because my dad did go through all the complications, and he died at the operating table of respiratory failure while they were about to do a below the knee amputation. I think I said to him something along the lines of “To hell with that! Tell that to my father, who is in the grave, and was about to have a leg amputated, when he died. My legs may not fall off today, tomorrow, or even the next… but with time, those complications come, and when they are knocking at your door, it is HARD to stop that train.” He hasn’t really spoken to me since. It’s one thing to have one indulgence once a year, or something, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let someone who doesn’t care for their D, tell me that I can cheat, and that ‘nothing’s’ going to happen to me because they can’t see the results right away… I was pretty peeved. 
I understand all those feelings but the one I had for such a long time was I wasn’t good enough to live in this family and I wasn’t what they wanted. They wanted something that was healthy and didn’t have ANY problems! I finally (at times) have gotten over that. I’m still not the boy my dad wanted! This too shall pass! HA!
I totally get the anger part. Think the thing that gets me is how I have really lost the ability to focus and get things done. When my numbers are out of whack it of course gets really bad. And the fact that when I do get a cold or just under the weather how much longer it lasts.
I dont know if this is an emotion or a feeling but I have an i dont care attitude. I care about my diabetes and the way I manage it, but I just dont care if people around me dont understand what I am going through or care to understand. At work I always make it a point to explain something to someone at most 2 times. If they dont get it then it tells me that they really dont care to understand things. So now I have carried that with my diabetes. If i tell someone twice about it and they dont grasp it tells me they really dont care about my issues. It stopped bothering me that they dont care, I can only reach out to those who like to understand. So after a few years I realized that I cant make people understand what I go through and to tell you the truth I would not want any of my family to understand because if they do it would mean they are walking in my shoes.
take care
People who “cheat” want others to so they won’t feel guilty. The misery likes company thing.
Aside from frustration, I feel deeply sad. Not depression so much as a sadness. Sure that doesn’t make sense to anyone, but it feels different than depression. I think it’s a form of grief, the grieving of the loss of my former non-diabetic life. So, I guess I feel a loss of independence, of freedom now that I’m chained to diabetes.
The feeling of fear, uncertainty and helplessness overwhelmed me at first, during the early days from diagnosis. These feelings were dismissed after equiping myself with knowledge and getting assurance of love and support from family and friends. Once in a while I would feel sad…specially during holidays when restrictions are inevitable. Sometimes I feel frustrated and annoyed…when blood sugar level soar high and I didnt even know what I did at the first place.Sometimes angry…when some people police my food and gives ridiculous advice. But mostly I feel optismistic and hopeful that things are going to be just fine =)
I get frustrated- especially after yet another bad pump site and blood sugars are sky high
I get scared and fearful of my future- all this hard work through school and will I be able to enjoy a career in that field or will be diabetes hamper that? Will I be able to have kids? Will I live long enough for my kids?
Life is sooo full of uncertainties but all I can do right now is enjoy the time Im here, alive and well, and appreciate every chance I have. If not, I get depressed really fast, which enables me to not take care of myself.
Carol, that is where I am at today. Sadly, I am feeling hopeless and helpless, too. Not because of anything I didn’t do, or did do, but because, like you, sometimes you do everything right and it still doesn’t come out on top. I guess we just keep doing the best we can, and hope that at some point it all evens out. Take heed…we shall overcome.
Sarah, when you get feeling that way, come here for a friend. Sometimes It just takes a friend’s hand on yours even through cyberspace to feel understood and accepted. We could all walk across the street tomorrow and get hit by a car…and worrying about that will keep us inside our whole lives, let’s live triumpantly and without having the “D” win the race…we can, we will, we will overcome.
With the good feelings of control after a great A1C or good daily numbers comes that inevitable sadness that we feel when things don’t go as we had them planned. I try to be optimistic, but today, I plan to be just sad. Tomorrow I will wake up and feel happier…today I just feel fear and sadness.
You know what wel v, I don’t care either. They live their lives in desperation and need my life to complain about. Feel free. I am going to live it the way I feel best…if they can’t get it that’s their problem. Amen.