Hi All, Kennedy has been doing well lately with her pod and new dex g4, learning lots and really able to do more self management with all of this new information. I had a major fight with my husband tonight because I am angry that he constantly comes home with ice cream ( sorbet and the highest glycemic index junk food possible) late at night when kennedy is about to go to bed, right when we see how her dinner bolus has gone, and we are ready to do some kind of consitent snack before bed that we know what the carb count is. So he comes in and sits on the bed with the entire quart eating out of it, about 6 inches from her face while we are watching tv. So of course she wants some. I hate making such a big guess with a new unknown and high gi food right before bed like that. He says I should just tell her know that she can't have it. But she's 12 years old and I am trying to let her make more of her own food choices and do her own insulin bolus. I think the constant saying she can't have this and that is not emotionally good for her and is controlling. I think my husband should muster up some self control and be more respectful ( he weighs 300 pounds, by the way, should be about 240 for his height)
So I am the one to sit up with her for the next couple of hours because she is low and treat that and be sure it comes up.
He has no consequence of his behavior.
If he were my employee, I would fire him.
What should I do? Any advice for how to deal with this would be good!?
No offense, but your husband obviously has his own problem. Since she is only 12, and, I assume, goes to bed before you, perhaps he can at least wait until she's in bed to eat the ice cream. I don't think your daughter should be taught her father's bad habits, especially when they threaten her well being as a Type 1.
Some thoughts. I think I have to agree with both of you. First, let me stick up for the husband. Its true that all diabetics have to learn to deal with their own good and bad food. This is the single most important lesson you can teach your child. No offense here but there are many times when a diabetic even if they really want an item have to say no. Let me repeat it is the single most important thing she can be taught and the sooner the better.
Now on your side, children should not be enticed by their dad to eat those things they should not. I suggest a good talk. First tell him you disapprove, of his eating habits. But do not make that the point. Let him know he can eat whatever he wants but you both share the responsibility of caring for your daughter.
What you have here is that he is not willing to take this responsibility. He may feel left out of the disease process. But more likely he wants to please her and knows food will do this. Men have a different approach when it comes to children and it is not always healthy. But the way to get dads involved is to help them find a job. Right now his job is to try and say yes, he wants yours to be saying no.
now the rest of this is that i am a dad of two sons. I love my boys more than the air I breath. They are 30 and 33 and like my dad i often show my approval in well sometimes over the top ways. It is a male issue.
So you need to re channel his love in a way that is helpful. Get him involved in caring for your daughter. Take him to doctors visits, let him share in her success. Let him help with exercise, in short push his caring toward more productive pursuits.
Now none of this will be easy. I am sorry it seems like it should be but it wont be. Help him understand you two are in this together, both of you love her and you need his help. DO you need to do this? Yes I think so. Should you have too do so? No, but we all need to re channel sometimes.
Your daughter will leave your house someday and be alone in the world. She will carry both of you with her. Tell him he is a big part of how long she lives, how she lives and how she fares in this tough world. Ask for his help. No dad can not respond to helping his 12 year old daughter.
I love my sons more than the air I breath. let him love his daughter as well and he will I am sure of it.
What health problems does MrHodge have? If he doesn't have any, beside obesity, I would suspect he'll be running into several in pretty short order if he keeps it up. I've had a weird situaiton here as junior has suddenly started eating much healthier and working out all the time, pretty much on her own, although we are certainly supportive of her efforts and not complaining at all about that. I would think that it might be negative to enlist Kennedy with your efforts but ice cream out of the carton in bed watching TV are 4 things that are in almost every "bad habits you need to stop to be healthy [or lose weight or fit into that bikini or whatever]..." article or story I've run into although perhaps I am biased from reading MrsAcidRock's "Fitness" magazines which seem to recycle stuff pretty regularly?
Another idea might be to test his BG 2 hours after he chows down and see where it's at. As my parents have aged, it's occurred to me that they are "at risk" since they are related to me, despite the singularly slim thread of diabetes running through my family [one second cousin I only heard about recently...]
I agree, get him to test his own BG after he pigs out. When he sees the effect it has on his own body, maybe he'll understand why it's not a good idea for a diabetic. My husband (now ex) was really cocky about being slim and made comments about not understanding why I wouldn't cook carby crap for him after I was diagnosed. When he discovered his own little skinny body had extremely high blood pressure, he was easier to get along with. Sometimes their behavior is obtuse because they're trying to convince themselves that everything is fine with their own health. In your husband's case, he has to suspect it's not.
While I’m no good at helping people with relationship issues, I can offer some advice on ice cream and T1… For a long time after diagnosis I would guess for everything I ate that wasn’t individually packaged, this included ice cream. I was (and still am) convinced that I could eat whatever a reasonable person could eat (tho ice cream before bed isn’t always the most reasonable of snacks…). This naturally led to a lot of bouncing (basically from age 14-24). In the end I got a food scale and now I measure everything on it - ice cream included.
In short, if you can’t stop the ice cream from being there (and really, it will always be there if not in the form of a parent’s bad bedtime snack or a late teens break up pint), you can figure out how much insulin to take to keep the bad sugars at bay…and a food scale can help with good snacks too like fruit (which I didn’t eat for a good 10 years after diagnosis because the resulting swing up or down was too miserable).
as usual i am so with you natalie on so many levels! i read this yesterday but was to busy to reply. i also hate it when my husband waltzes in with unplanned food! the unplanned is the big one, and i guess this is a bit of a control thing on my part i let jacob make most of his food choices as long as it is in reason and goes along with his usual time schedule this sounds rigid but i think you know what i mean, the old three meals three snack thing that works for him. i get concerned when he wants something out of the ordinary like you said one that we arent sure about the carbs like something homemade for bedtime snack. typically jacob has icecream or an english muffin high fiber with nutella for his for bedtime snack i like him to have some fat and protein at bedtime, for icecream i try to go with something that has 7 or 8 grams of fat per serving we do two servings and extend 40 percent out for 1 and 1/2 to 2 hours and he does great, of course when he scoops the icecream he takes more than two servings :(! i to am about letting him choose and take more responsibility, overmanaging them as you suggest will lead to more rebellion, more hatred over their D and got forbid for kennedy an eating disorder. encouraging good food choices about 70 percent of the time is a good goal i think. and yes that includes husbands it is time for him to step up for himself and his family and set a better example, i hate it when people eat right of of the bag of chips or icecream carten, down right heathonly!! of course we are so carb conscious we would never ever consider this even for ourselves! hope things get better i try to treat all the "challenging" events as lessons learned without being overtly preachy! hope you have a good weekend! amy
