Yesterday I broke my own rule...the one that says "Do not look at your child's glucometer for at least 3 days after they(you) have returned from being away. Focus on the fact that they are alive. Enjoy telling each other what you have been up to for a few days before you look to see how well diabetes was handled without your input."
Please go to http://diabetesadvocacycom.blogspot.ca/2013/04/what-was-i-thinking.html to continue reading.
Barb , how hard this is on you and for that matter any parent !!
Has your Son attended D-Camp ?? Is he looking at getting a driver's licence ??
Thank Nel. He hated D-camp. I actually had to bring him home when he went. I have had him at diabetes conferences in teen groups. He is not interested in participating but does come home with small bits of information. He has not even mentioned his licence. I have brought it up but so far its not a big deal. It will be a tool to use if/when he begins to consider it.
Would connecting with some sort of diabetes mentor (young adult or college student with diabetes) help him?
I remember this struggle from the other perspective. It's a really awkward time, that period between when you are taking full responsibility but perhaps not quite mature or confident enough to make the right decisions. The first time I went away for a week on my own, to a summer camp at age 16, I don't think I had any readings below the teens. It was due to a variety of factors. I don't remember my mom being upset, but I do remember her telling me to discuss it with my endocrinologist when we had our next appointment to see what might have gone wrong. So I talked to him and we worked it out that way (she was present), and next year was much improved.
One thing I do clearly remember is that as a teenager I felt like I didn't really know anything, even though I'd had diabetes for years. My parents had gotten all the diabetes education when I was first diagnosed; they knew all the theory and how it connected to consequences. I knew the day-to-day stuff, but didn't understand the wider picture. I had no idea what things like the dawn phenomenon and rebounds were, or even how DKA develops! It wasn't until my mid-20s that I saw a diabetes educator and dietitian on my own, read a bunch of books about diabetes, and connected with the online community that I felt like I really understood everything.
Good luck! I think the teenage years are probably the hardest in terms of living with diabetes!
Thanks so much for the perspective Jen!
He has the opportunity to speak with other people with diabetes but he doesn't have much of an interest to talk about it.
I have tried to share some of the learning with him over the years...we discuss changes to his rates, why we need to change something, what we need to change. I haven't really got into DKA, rebounds or the dawn phenomenon although he does know ketones and tries to avoid being high (which is probably why he is decent at bolusing).
His endo has started to see him alone and I have worked to step back and let him answer the questions at his appointments.
I can see where its a scary time...it is for Mom too :) Again, I really appreciate the insight and will try to cut him a bit of slack.
I have a young pumper friend , who was diagnosed at age 3 ..I think same age as your son ? ...he went with his school class to Belize in March ( only kid with type 1 diabetes )...without his Mom . Mom was worried ...really the first time away from home , distance , length of time , everything Not the same as at home .Mom told me , that she was able to follow the blog about their daily experiences incl some pics of Son .Mom also admitted, that she was sooo busy while he was gone that she did not have much time to worry ...And he was in capable hands; a win win for all . Son knew , what he had to do to stay on top of the challenges ..I have no clue, if what I typed with help , but I thought I share
You son sounds amazing. It is great when a parent raises great kid. It also sounds like you took a difficult situation (diabetes) and you figured it out.
I do have a couple of observations But first let me tell you I am the father of two sons I love so much. They are 30 and 33, so I have been around boys my whole life. I was also 17 years old, when I was Dx'd. I have now been a type 1 diabetic for 37 years, and I am proud to say I have been married up for 35 years.
Now what i am going to say may seem harsh or difficult so if you do not want feel like reading this, it is ok to pass it over.
I want to say first off that you have done an important job. It sounds like you have stuck to the letter of the law, in diabetic treatment.
I want to focus on something you said about him being 14 or 15 and you are running out of time to influence your son. I submit that you have already lost the war on this one. Your son will grow up, he will take total control of his health and you really will not be able to intervene very well. I know you know this but it is important to say it
What you have to do is figure out a way for him to take his responsibility for this disease. You cannot do it and if you do not let up he wont either.
First, remember this is his disease. He has to own it. Right now you own it and you have to shift ownership. There is one thing I suspect. When he owns it he will cut some corners and not do all the testing you have him doing, I would guess that many diabetics, probable most, do not always check their BG 30 minutes before each meal. I know I don't, just like I know I should.
So here is my tough love portion. Stop. Stop doing it, stop insisting on it and mostly stop texting him when he stays over with a friend. If you don't you are raising an a profession dependent.
So how do you get things to work out? First you let him work things out, he already did this over his sleep over. I know he didn't do what you wanted and what his routine is but he managed. Ok he managed poorly but managed.
Second, you must stop looking at his glucose meter. I know it is difficult but trust him. It is his disease.
Finally let him make at least joint decisions about management of his disease. Encourage him to make better decisions. He needs practice because he doesn't have 4 years he has less than 1 I imagine. Well ok you are thinking so long as he lives here he will follow your rules. Truth is the more you press the less compliant he will be. I know I was 17, I understand not being compliant.
A doctor told me something that I never forget. He said that when I got sick and tired of being sick and tired, I would finally take care of myself. Well that took 20 years. 20 years when I refused to see a doctor.
I know you don't want this kind of rejection for your son. I know you want the best. Remember I have two sons I love more than I can describe. I love what they have become and how they got there. Oh and yes I made tons of mistakes as they were growing up. But here is one mistake I did not make. I tried to make them responsible for their own actions and happiness. I trust that with such an intelligent kid you can do the same. But my strongest advice is this, let him feel sick. Look for ways to make him responsible for his own actions.
Good luck, I am pulling for you and him.
Rick Phillips
Thank you everyone for the advice and support.
I know he will make his own mistakes and I will continue to teach him as best as I can :)