The last time I had that was the spring before I was diagnosed. My 11th birthday was a few months later… Annoyingly there was cake there, but since I was now type1 I was not allowed any. I decided that I would never again eat birthday cake… That was in 1981… These days when there is an office birthday or one for friends, either folks already know I am weird and do not eat cake or they get to find out that I am weird and do not eat cake. Either way I stick out like a sore thumb. This of course has caused me to really take notice of the weird social rituals that people use to mark time.
When I can’t do the things I need to do for myself at work. Jobs are so competitive, and if they don’t like me, they will find someone else who will do the work, so I am very quiet about my situation. I worked Thursday for 9.5 hours, got up at 4, traveled almost 2 hours to work, and started at 7. I worked straight through, gobbled some peanuts and water while I did my paperwork, but kept going until 4:30pm. The drive home was horrific. I didn’t get dinner till near 7pm.
I know with this disease, I can’t always expect to eat on time, but the worst is the thirst and always wanting to drink water.
And being tired. The fatigue gets me on a pity party for myself.
When… I’m baking cookies with my kids…especially this time of year . I now have to account for all the warm, just outta the oven cookies I eat and take insulin to cover for them~being a diabetic just zaps the fun right out of holiday baking sigh. I just miss being able to indulge at any given moment.
oh, just about anything involving food . . . I’m a foodie. Always have been. Now, if I have a slice of pizza, my sugar stays above 100 for hours, and if I take even a single unit of insulin - hypo city! I realized this morning that I should probably cut 95% of the fat out of my diet, to go with the 80% of the carbs I’ve already cut out . . . I’m getting married in just over a month, and my fiancee wants baklava with the dessert. Reactive hypoglycemia, anyone? Oh, and the fact that I’m dealing with a biological system error, so it’s impossible to debug. Have the same meal two days running, and get wildly different results. Ordering in dinner from a pizza place and not being able to order anything but a slice and a salad - and lemme tell you, a slice and a salad = one hungry Dov about an hour later, but who can eat? There’s a 2 hour post to do! Grrrrrr…
(Oh, and the next time someone says, “140? That’s great control!” when your usual 2 hour post for dinner is around 85 . . . it’s a good thing I know some good criminal defense lawyers . . . .)
At bedtime when I start pill popping the Plavix, Coreg, Ramipril, Aspirin, Wellbutrin, & Crestor thanks to the heart attack I had two years ago at age 38.
I resent it 24/7…365 days a year…for the past 13 1/2 years…When something has to be such a major factor in EVERYTHING you do…day to day minute to minute…I miss the times when I could just put food in my mouth and not have to take the time to check blood sugar, then count the carbs then adjust the insulin to meet those cards…by the time you get to eat…it’s cold…I am trying really hard not to like this disease control my life, but it’s so hard when it never goes away…I envy the people that have had gastric bypass surgery like I have and not have to take another pill or test their sugars anymore…but those are the ones with type 2 and I am oh so bless(not) with having type 1…at least with using an insulin pump giving he insulin is easier and not so “secret” to do…I hated having to go into the bathroom to give a shot before eating while eating out…Maybe someday we will no longer resent being a diabetic…
I have to agree with those who say resent is a strong word…I also highly agree it is irritating when people think you are fragile and can’t do anything because you have diabetes…I’m a much stronger person instead because of my diabetes…yes it can bum me out at times and I think the most frustrating thing for me is finding time to focus on myself and I do get upset that the time spent ordering supplies, reading, going to the doctor, checking sugars, taking shots…I think that the TIME spent on diabetes is what upsets me the most taking away precious extra minutes I could be spending with my kids, family or just a hobby…sometimes making ME time is the hardest and the guilt associated with feeling selfish about taking care of me first…
At the moment I am just resenting it all the way around. I am trying to adjust but it all seems so large compared to the little bit of knowledge I have so far.
I hate this too. Everyone finishes eating before me and I’m just starting to eat. An easy fix for me though is to eat and then think about what I ate. Probably not always the best idea, but I have a hard time keeping myself to a fixed amount of servings. I still have to check my sugar though.
I resent diabetes when my brother in law will not drink the sugar free koo-laid. I know this sounds kinda lame for me to get mad about but he acts like anything sugar free is gross or something. I made him feel bad though.
I resent it when I have to choose between paying the bills and getting more test strips because it isn’t time for the insurance to cover more, when I have to get my boyfriend to bring me my insulin because I’m still at work when I’m supposed to take it, and when my professors think I’m just using it as an excuse or lying about having it
I resent everything about it. As a “new” mom (13 mo old and almost 3 yo) I want my life to be them, now I have to change focus, I have to make me a priority, and I feel guilty. I do not take care of my self like I HAVE to, Im trying to get around that feeling that everything will just be okay. I was good for a while, testing, counting all of it. Now I have been resorting to every reason out there that I don’t have time.
Now the vision is going again, and the numbness in my hands is comming back, the crankiness, tiredness, obviously this isn’t working. I keep putting off tests and appts.
I guess you could say I have yet to accept that this is not going to change, and no one will take care of me but me.
I resent every aspect of this now. I have to get out of this mind set…
