A broken down toy

I sometimes feel like a broken down toy. I’m young but I feel I’m wasting away on the inside. People say “you look healthy” but as soon as I hear this I just end up having flash backs of times where my blood sugar was terribly high for long periods of time. I have a good A1c record now, but my teen years I believe were terrible. It feels We try so much harder then others for such little pay off sometimes. U guys ever feel this way?

Why do you fell “broken down”? I am 55 and have little and not so little thises and thats going on with my health…but I am trying my best not to feel that all is awry. Tell us more, Jim,…Yeah we do have to work and work and work and sometimes our blood sugars and our bodies seem to be not in our control, I have been there, and still get days where nothing seems to make sense… And sometimes, when my back hurst, and my toes tingle, and my eyes cross, I get frustraterd, but I keep on going…“Why me?” thinking just puts me in a worse mood. I think "Why NOT me?"and start to count my blessings. Hope it does not sound too trite or pollyanna-like, but when I want to complain about my health, I vent for a few minutes, then Thank God I can get up and move and I do something small for somneone else to PAY IT FORWARD( call a former teacher, reach out to an elederly neighbor, send an e-mail or a card to someone) It really helps then and me!!!

God Bless,


I get it. I really do. When I was a teenager, I felt the same way. I can honestly say I sometimes feel this way even today. I wish I could say there is a good way to not feel this way. If there is I don’t know it. I suggest one thing and this may be a little bit of a shock. Consider seeing a therapist. I wish I had when I was your age. Today I see a therapist twice a month and it helps. I hope this will pass and you can resolve yourself to it. But my guess is that you hate diabetes as much as I do.

It is OK to hate it, what we can not let happen is for that hate to rule our lives. Depression is one of the major side effects of chronic disease. While I have no idea if you are depressed or not, I know I battle that side effect and the therapist helps.

Rick Philips

We do have to try harder - a lot harder! And it makes us better people because of it. I consider myself one tough son of a ■■■■■ because I have T1D. Fight the good fight Jim. Do everything you can to life a full life with diabetes and recognize that you are stronger than most, because you can do it while fighting diabetes!

You can’t really feel guilty because in your past you didn’t live up to someone’s (even your own) expectatons for how good your bg countrol should’ve been. It just doesn’t help any.

All of these web message boards where people diagnose instant complications on the first reading over 140 don’t help any. Sometimes you really do have to back off on the internet reading. That doesn’t mean that you back off on your control… just that the doom and gloom that some folks read into a single bg number, is not very healthy (mentally, emotionally) for “the rest of us”.

If it helps you any better, I’ve been T1 for 30 years now and can assure you that your current control is so many times better over what I was able to achieve as a teenager 30 years ago. Home bg testing and A1C tests didn’t exist back then.


Know where your comming from on that one! But after I get that way I try and think of the good things in life. My grandkids are the one thing I tend to hang on to now. HOLD ON TIGHT! We all get like that sometimes!

Yep that is way I feel - broken. I see myself as a broken person with a broken body.

We try so much harder then others for such little pay off sometimes. U guys ever feel this way

I do agree. But its the cards we were dealt, so we play the best hand we can. Its a great thing that you are doing better now. I will say its scary to look back at how D care was managed even just 20 years ago. 1 fingerstick a day was suffice as long as your A1C was good. That just blows my mind compared to where I am today. And, you are right, there is very little payoff upfront, but good health is paramount. Trust me when i say, as you get older you will see the benefits of what your doing today when your vision is still good, and you have all your appendages, and so forth. It does pay off in the end.

Of course I do. I think we all do to a certain degree. Even after 36 years it is still work at times and when the wife says “I’m heading to the store, do you want anything” there are days I’ve said “A new body would be nice”. But then of course the only one that will probably be available will be way uglier than I am already so I’d probably pass on it anyway. It’s part of the package and yes it does seem the payoffs are real small, but then I’'m 51 years old . . .still have 10 toes and 10 fingers, the eyes are fine and with help from some drugs the BP stays normal and the kidneys are protected. Those are the payoffs. The benefit of those payoffs is I’m close to 30 years of marriage . . .grandchildren to play with. . . my pets and my friends.

Try not to get to hung up on past control issues or what people say. Sometimes we do have to deal with it one day at a time and that’s ok. There are periods where it is second nature, a habit and everything is running on all cylinders and there are days where it’s really screwed up. Remember thou, you’re not alone.

Jim I have felt this way many times. I have learn that I must play the cards that I have been given and make the best of it. There are time that I wish my blood sugars were better than they were. I look at it this way my T1D makes me a stronger person. The pay off may not seem like much now but in the end it is.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again If I didn’t have a community like u guys I don’t know where I’d be, prob. in the fetal position in a dark corner all sad and mopey lol. Your words really spoke to me, they were some of the most logical and kind advice I’ve heard in a long time. Thanks you guys, sometimes I just need to write down what’s truly bugging me sometimes. Thanks*

You made me smile Reed. When my elderly neighbor is asked how he is, his reply is “Above ground” and he means it in the most postive way.

I know how you feel, i used to always feel that way
until i realised
life is too short
im 17 years old now
and guys i know wish they were in my shape
i go to the gym i run 4 km everyday and i dont give a damn!
you create how you want to feel, if you have a dream of feeling, looking healthy and being alive
you already have it
you just have to put the pieces together
hope you find your way
Moodi xx

I have a pile of nerve damage issues that make it difficult for me every day. I get down about it plenty of the time but what can you do? I understand the “I’m young but I’m wasting away” feelings for sure. All you can do is shrug your shoulders, sigh, and keep on going. I had to struggle mightly when I was diagnosed at 23 with an A1c of 17 (Yes, 17!) and learn to live with this disease while going to college for teaching which is a very consuming field of study. I had so many problems from mismanagement of my care at first (Mostly because no of the medical people I was dealing with fully understood how bad it was) that I was forced to drop out of college for the spring semester. Long story short, I dragged my ■■■ back there that following fall while using a cane to walk because of the nerve damage in my feet. I felt like I had no other option but to keep going forward. It’s true, we do try so much harder but the payoff is your life. If you take care of yourself the way you should it makes all aspects of your life healthier so in that fashion diabetes actually pays off. Life is full of ups and downs and you just have to ride that roller coaster. Shake those flash backs off and if you sweat everything that people say that displays their ignorance or naivety you will be wasting a lot of time you could use for something more useful or meaningful. I saw a thread on here about the annoying things people say to diabetics, perhaps you could include your comment on there. Diabetes sucks. Nothing you can do about it now except take care of yourself and live your life.

JIm, the “so little pay off” is your life. I guess I wouldn’t feel that is a small thing. I’m sorry I haven’t had diabetes when I was a kid or a teen. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was a mom, with kids that age. But broken down? Nope, I am a happy, intelligent, positive (mostly) young woman who is excited about the rest of my life, and if this is the worst that has to happen to me, thank you, I’ll take it. How are you broken? Please tell me, I want to understand. I know being a teen with diabetes isn’t exactly the most fun thing in the world…I help out at a diabetes summer camp, so I hear the stories and the pain. And to be honest, still have those now, when I allow it to happen. Jim, take a moment and really look at your life, can you walk, can you see, do you have a talent, is there something that you really want to do that you haven’t been able to do because you have diabetes? I look at the Jonas Brother who has diabetes, the other musicians that I know that have diabetes, atheletes that have diabetes, and think, hey, they are doing it, and they are making lives for themselves. IF they can I will. I don’t see any of them as broken down toys. Hang in there, put the broken part of you on hold, and open those beautiful eyes and look for where you are and what you really want to be doing…then DO it!

I can relate to the person who made the original post, however I just turned 65 this month. It seems like everything in my life has changed now. I know all about thinking positive and trying to pull myself up out of this dark hole. It is hard enough dealing with Diabetes let alone a few other chronic health problems too.

Did you ever read the Veleteen Rabbit? If not, check it out, it tells of the value of a toy that was loved to pieces, and needed to be made new…

Well, yes. when I was Diagnosed at age 45 ( 18 yrs ago)
And My mother had it and My Sister as well
But My Dad Pointed something out…

We are All wasting away inside, it’s called getting older… Some Waste away sooner than others
With all the new Advances( in past 10 yrs) with treating our T1?
You can expect to Have to live another 50+ yrs…
And If you’re really “unlucky”, maybe be cured in one way or another and then have to live another 70 yrs and Die in a Nursing Home…in our late 80’s to 90’s…

That is, IF you Follow the Program…
It’s taking those Injections that are Constant reminders we are a Weakly , sickie…
Try to get rid of them by getting a OmiPod and when the new Solor Patch comes out? Get that too
and every Test you come in at or near 80’s? You’re Beating the System and this disease…

and imagine A What a Smoker Thinks? Or a heavy drinker?

Oh, BTW? Sorry, but give Up the Idea of Drinking? It doesn’t Fly with trying to Balanced Our BG’s…I gave that up about a few months after Being diagnosed…and made life alot easier…

But go ahead and try it a few times… have a 6 pack, etc… and when you go hypo and pass out? Just have your friends call 911 in time… do that a few times and you’ll realize, it ain’t worth it… nor the Embarrassment either…