And then there's sadness

My husband and I are very active in the online community. We both keep weblogs (that’s how we met!), belong to different message boards, have made friends this way, and we enjoy it. I asked him to join, so he can get informed and keep up to date with everything diabetes related.

He joined the community, and he posted a blog entry today. I read it, and I cried. I cried because I’ve been putting on this happy, optimistic face, but sometimes I do feel overwhelmed, cheated, and I wonder why on earth I had to inherit my dad’s disease. Not to mention the guilt for being a diabetic and making my husband worry about me.

I feel especially frustrated when I test my BG and it isn’t anywhere near normal. The numbers given by my diabetes educator don’t seem right; I know they can be lower, I know I can go lower; yet there is something missing for me to attain them. So I get upset and cry, I do anxiety eating, and I ingest more carbs than suggested (not a lot, but certainly not what the doctor wants.) It’s a vicious cycle I have to break by doing other things instead of going to the kitchen. But it’s more complicated than that.

For what is worth, I’m glad to have found communities where I can share my thoughts and get help. And I’m extremely thankful for having a man in my life who will do whatever he has to do to help me.

You are right to be thankful for those things, at the end, it is what matters the most. There is always room to improve, but to cry a little when frustration comes it is actually, I think a good thing.