Anyone feel unsupported by spouse?


#21

Agree…I CAN and WILL do this myself. I really don’t need his assistance and for the most part it hasn’t impacted our lives a lot yet…still in the honeymoon phase. Life IS good and I don’t blame anyone. I think I was just so mad that he was so insensitive. He can be a tad (big TAD) selfish…but last night was mostly bc he wasn’t feeling well and was cranky he got woken up. It’s all good. I’m on it! Sugar is now by my bedside and I have this group when I feel isolated! Thanks for your support.


#22

What do you mean “knees locking up”? I’ve had this phenomenon when playing tennis periodically where I can’t seem to get my leg to move…it’s like my knee locks up…almost a brain disconnect… but I just attributed it to being tired, etc. Never considered it could be related toT1D. Just curious.

I haven’t really had a super scary low yet. I don’t tend to feel them unless I’m on the tennis court and my partner can usually tell before I’m clued in but it’s getting better. Last night was a weird phenomenon because I haven’t had an overnight alarm and so I woke up freaked out! It wasn’t as much low as trending down but my CGM isn’t super accurate and so the fact that I was so combative makes me think it was lower than it registered. Joys of T1D:)


#23

Sorry to hear you experienced similar support issues but your wife sounds a lot like my husband! My husband adores me but he’s rather self absorbed so if it’s not “all about him” its not likely an important topic! lol I’m glad to have this forum and understand it’s hard on the family too. I’m trying to give grace and I know in my heart it’s not his problem. But any single one of my friends would’ve hopped right up and helped me. As a female, it’s hard for us to ask for help so when we do, and aren’t supported, it’s even harder on us!! Happy to have TuD for support!!


#24

Law of attraction! Glad your wife is wanting more info!

Thanks for the input. It’s such a learning curve for us all.


#25

So my husband sounds similar…he’s supportive and adores me but doesn’t seem concerned with my lows. I know it’s because he doesn’t fully understand them. He’s since apologized and wants to know more but it is sad and frustrating that they don’t seem to get the urgency issues. I’ve never asked him to do anything for me…for the entire 5 months…and I really don’t expect it. I was just so flipping tired and had been up the night before with one of the kids so I was extra tired and just needed compassion. If you have kids you will understand what I mean…sometimes they can (and should) do something for themselves and sometimes they just “need” someone to help them out. It’s a feeling of love and that someone has your back. As it applies to our 4 kids, we’ve always been on different pages in this arena. He thinks everyone should always do for themselves and I’m more of a “help them out sometimes” person. Not enable but just help when mentally or physically someone needs a little extra TLC.

I honestly NEVER dreamed my husband would say no! I’ve never asked but just assumed he’d help. Boy, that was eye opening and I’m so thankful it happened on a moderate low and not something more severe! He can be clueless and he doesn’t hear well so he’s never going to hear an alarm so I might as well accept that part! lol. I am hopeful that he will know what to do in an emergency!

Thanks for the empathy. No real solutions needed…just wanted to vent! lol


#26

I’ve experienced this due to walking through hypos < 55. It’s only happened a dozen times or so in my 32-year career but it always happened during an after lunch walk at work where my insulin got way ahead of the food. My gait was impaired by inadvertent hyperextending of my knee. I’m getting better at pre-bolusing but in the days before CGM we were all flying blind.


#27

Eggzackly!


#28

Kelly, I’m so sorry your husband wasn’t willing to help you last night. You later explained that he wasn’t feeling well, but that mitigates things only a little bit, really. I’m glad you’ll be keeping glucose by your bed from now on. I keep stuff stashed in several places myself.

My husband means well, and he’s a sweet guy, but I confess he hasn’t always “got it.” In the beginning he was one of those “Oh, you need insulin?” folks when I was low. Thankfully we cleared that one up ASAP! I’ve learned that I have to be very, very, very clear on what I need and when, and sometimes I have to reinforce that - like calling me if he’s going to be working late, so I know if i need to eat a small snack if I want to wait to eat dinner with him.

I’ve also learned that telling him that I’m “low” is too vague. If I test, and my BG is in the mid-70s I can tell him, “I’m going to start going low soon. We need to eat within the next half hour or so,” is clear and concrete. Or if I’m very low to the point of shaking (I don’t shake unless I get under 55) I can tell him, “I’m shaking, and need help NOW,” and he’ll drop whatever he’s doing immediately and help.

It really sounds, from what you’re saying, that your husband hasn’t really clicked to the fact that you could black out and end up in the ER, or worse, if you don’t get the help you need, when you need it. Is it possible that that is the case, or is he maybe just in denial about how bad it is?


#29

I don’t have kids, but I do know that moms sometimes get an absolutely raw deal. They do, do, do so much for everyone that the family can easily forget mom is a person too and sometimes she needs help!


#30

Just what it says–when my BG gets below about 70 it makes me walk sort of stiff-legged, like they’re locking up to keep me from falling. One of the early warning signs, unlike the vision effects which I only get in the < 60’s. I’ve always assumed it’s the body’s reflex to keep you upright when lack of glucose is making your knees weak. I don’t think it’s unusual as hypo symptoms go. Happens to me fairly often, less so now that pump and CGM are helping me have fewer hypos.


#31

So interesting. I’ve had this happen recently but hadn’t attributed it to the diabetes. I will now watch for it and it might help me realizing I’m going low as it’s only happened on the tennis courts. Hmmm. Good to know. Thanks.


#32

Yes…I think he hasn’t really realized the gravity of the situation. I’m going to have my friend with the T1D daughter explain some to him because I know he will listen to her as they’ve dealt with this for 10+ years so he will view her as an expert and not an alarmist:)

And, you’re right. I need to be more specific about how he can help. We can’t expect people to know what we need without making it easy for them. It’s funny because we tend to give grace to our children, co workers, friends, and then expect our spouses to read our minds I guess that’s not really fair! Then, again, I was pretty clear last night…lol! Education and communication. Top of my list! Thanks!


#33

So glad to know this is a “thing” as it’s happened to me and I hadn’t connected it with diabetes. It only has happened playing tennis so I will use it as another tool to remind me to check levels, etc. So many crazy symptoms and things to learn. Thanks.


#34

Well said David !


#35

Hello Kelly:

On behalf of my entire gender, I sincerely and deeply apologize. Ugggggh…

==============
He cannot SEE any difference(s)… cannot perceive you are in serious trouble… his ignorance forms his reality. Set him straight.

Neutral space, and some time. If you were having a severe asthma attack, would he tell you to get your own inhaler? If you cut yourself very badly in the kitchen, would he stupidly ignore the danger, blood spurting everywhere and tell you to take care of it yourself? He does not understand “it” will almost never be visible easily, but that does not make it less dangerous.

C02 kills right? He needs information just like (is?) a child.

Talk with him. Help him learn. Even donkeys can be taught (; ). [Well most of us anyway.]


#36

@DrBB, for me it’s the slappy flat-footed walk that is a tell-tale for low BG. I will suddenly have a low-energy change to my gait, where I’m walking like a clown with size 40 shoes.


#37

I don’t know if it’s so much a male thing as just a human one. Even with my wonderfully supportive spouse, I’ve had those “No, you don’t get it, I. Need. To. Eat. NOW!” moments. Especially back in the bad old R/NPH days I remember being frustrated at times about not having her–or anyone else really–grasp that “If I say I need to eat, that doesn’t mean I’m a little peckish, it’s an incipient emergency.” I think this is just hard for outsiders to understand. We all know what it’s like to feel hungry, what’s the big deal? It’s really hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t experienced it that it’s not just a discomfort but a very scary feeling and not just because it’s making your adrenal system flood you with panic chemicals but also because you are in real danger.


#38

I wonder if I can remember the word “peckish” when my brain is running on glucose fumes??!


#39

LOL. It’s not a common everyday word, that’s for sure.


#40

Depends where you live, peckish is a word I use quite a lot. The problem is convincing myself I don’t need to eat just then.