For all you gals and guys out there who were diagnosed as adults,
particularly young adults, I have a question. How many of you made
significant changes to your lives after being diagnosed? Maybe the
health crisis made some of you re-evaluate what mattered to you most and
strive harder for a dream job you’d given up on having. Maybe some of
you felt you couldn’t do the job you used to do. Maybe some of you went
into the medical field because of bad experiences as a diabetes patient.
Maybe some of you had doubts about the road you were on once you were
diagnosed, but those doubts passed when a little more time had passed.
I’d love to hear any stories.
I’m T I for about five months now. I’m twenty-five years ancient.
I was diagnosed towards the end of my first semester in a PhD program
and haven’t been able to be very productive since then. I’ve got late
work in some of my classes I’m getting pressure from my dept. to take a
medical leave of absence, but I think they just want a way to get rid of
me. If I do that, I doubt I’ll be coming back. I’m thinking of just
dropping out, but I don’t want to make that decision based on the
depression I feel now, in case those feelings ever subside.
I also have a vague sense that I should be doing some less academic,
less “ivory tower” perhaps. I’d like to make my life count more since
I’ll have fewer good years.
How long do I wait before I admit that the state I’m in is the new
normal and make my decisions based on that rather than hoping I’ll ever
feel the way I used to?
Hi Mentha, I was diagnosed 1 year ago with Type 1. I’m a little younger than you - I’m just about to turn 22. I was diagnosed right at the end of my junior year of college. Last summer was really a crash course in diabetes for me and I came right back to school and began my senior year, honors thesis and all. It’s been a definite struggle of course, and depression certainly followed diagnosis, but I’m really glad I stuck it out because now I’m graduating in a few weeks. But I DID take several steps to make this year more manageable for me:
(1) I took half as many classes. Because the first 3 years of undergrad were diabetes-free I was totally productive and on target with my course-load. Because I had always taken a full course-load every semester, I could cut down on my classes this year. Just to prove how much time diabetes takes up, I have been enrolled in half as many courses but feel JUST as bogged down with work as I did last year when I had a full course-load.
(2) I was able to make adjustments to the syllabi in my courses to better suit my needs. My professors have been extremely supportive of accommodating me and my needs as I figure(d) out how to deal with this illness. I’m sure that had I had several years of diabetes under my belt, I wouldn’t have needed so many accommodations but it has been really hard LEARNING how to live with diabetes while keeping up with college work.
(3) I didn’t live in the dorms. I decided to move off campus so I could have my own space. I sleep way longer hours that I used to. Pre-diabetes I had the normal college sleep (or lack thereof) schedule. Now I have a normal person sleep schedule!
(4) I’ve decided to take some time between finishing undergrad and applying to grad school. I probably would have done this anyway, but getting diagnosed really showed me that sometimes we need to just take a break and slow down. That’s what I’ll be doing starting June 1!
So I guess in terms of career/life changing decisions these aren’t really so big. But for me, I couldn’t have gotten through this year without them.
Just a question – why do you think that you wouldn’t go back to school if you took a medical leave? I mean, it’s possible that with time away from school to figure things out you might realize that you’d rather focus your energies elsewhere, but you never know – Time away could also help you re-focus your academic intentions and you could come back with much more purpose. I’ve had a lot of friends whose medical leaves have proven extremely beneficial in the long run – whether they decided to come back or not. (in the case of people I know, all but 1 decided to come back–5 of 6.) Even though I’m not yet enrolled in a graduate program, I’m viewing the time I’m going to take post-graduation as some of this vital “re-focusing” time.
Wow, this became a really long response, I guess it’s because your post touches on questions I’ve been thinking about A LOT these days.
-Sophie
Hi Sophie, thanks for the great response. And congratulations on graduating!
There are a couple reasons why I don’t think I’d be back if I took a medical leave (well, three if you count general pessimism). First, as the dept explained to me, there’s no guarantee that you will be accepted back if you leave my program. You get re-evaluated–not quite as bad as having to re-apply to the department, but something like that. I think they regret admitting me in the first place since I was diagnosed soon after arriving and never really had a chance to show them what I would have been capable of. I get a lot of resources as a grad student, including health benefits and a decent salary. I think they (probably rightly) think those resources could be better directed elsewhere now.
Second, I moved across the country to a town in the middle of nowhere to start this program. If I took a leave there would be no reason to stick around here (I don’t know a soul). The thought of breaking my lease, moving out of my apartment, finding a job elsewhere, moving in somewhere closer to my friends and family… and then starting all over to come back here… Don’t think I could handle it.
Kudos on taking the “re-focusing time.” I took several such breaks… in the middle of undergrad, after undergrad, after my Masters… Never regretted even one of them. But I think it’s important to take such breaks with positive intentions (as you seem to have), rather than being forced into it.
Hi Mentha: I was diagnosed with Type 1 at age 35, so I had been working in my field for 10 years (following grad school). First, let me say that I think that grieving takes a very long time. It took me 10 months to mentally feel better, and my physical recovery took a long time due to DKA at diagnosis. So please, give yourself time and be gentle and kind to yourself. Then, yes I did change. A lot. My sister said to me, “You have always been so hard driven, you have to STOP.” I took that seriously. I took a job in industry that is really interesting and rewarding but isn’t the crazy corporate climbing thing. I seriously got into yoga and meditation. Some of the changes took years, but I did them and it was the right thing to do. Personally, I find that good care takes a lot of time (meal preparation, exercise, yoga, meditation, all are time intensive), and I would prefer to do good stuff for myself than overwork. I hope this helps! Melitta
I take exception "I’ll have fewer good years."
Have you a Dexcom, and/or a pump?
Have you got yourself swinging only between 90 and 140 at highest?
Are you on a low carb diet with plenty of protein in it to keep you steady?
Having been a faculty for graduate students for many years and presently emerita, I want you to put parameters onto the medical leave term. Obviously you’ve had a rough time. Ask “after what length medical leave can I resume my graduate studies”? Especially ask the faculty with whom you are working on your research project.
Put the Endo team to work for you 24/7. Manage the project of what is normal. You CAN feel better as a diabetic than you did before dx. THEN decide if you’re going back. Faculty will give you time, but they want you at your best. What field do you want most to work in?
Thanks Melitta, good advice. It’s too bad taking good care of one’s self is such hard work, eh? 
Thanks Leo2,
Between 90 and 140? Not all the time, certainly not. Dexcom yes, denied for a pump. Yep, cut out most of the carbs.
I thought I wanted to work in the field I was pursuing, but since I was diagnosed I don’t care one jot about it. My problem is differentiating between an actual change in my thinking about what’s important and general apathy due to depression. It’s not like I have a specific field in mind that I’d rather be working in, but I do have a general sense that I’d care more about my career if it was something more “important” or “worthwhile,” but that’s a pretty subjective and vague criterion.
“The field doesn’t need anyone in it who is in it because they can’t figure out what else they’d rather be doing.”
What other way is there to do anything? Any possible life choice I could make would be because I couldn’t figure out what else I would rather be doing.
All of this was important to me until I was diagnosed with diabetes. I taught college with my Master’s degree for two years and loved it. I very-much enjoyed forming the next generation of young minds. What I’m struggling with is trying to decide how long to give myself to let that importance return if I can adjust to the changes in my life.
By the way, Duncombe, thank you for replying, but I find your tone to be condescending and flippant with a defensive ring.
Mentha, I was wondering about the field because the length of time you’re away can impact what you can do with it. My own field changed because it was scientifically based, and the sciences supporting it were changing right under my feet. I couldn’t have grad students taking much time off! But in every case, with further remediation, they’d be able to go back & finish. All grad students have one or another problem bearing on their finishing. The usual limit is 6 years to finish.
Diabetes DOES change importance in our lives. When we know we have the D by the tail, in control, however, we can tackle life with vigor. And we don’t have to suffer complications. I’m hoping that for you, and that was why I ran over getting control of swings. And protein can do lots to that low carb diet.
How long it takes you is definitely for you to decide. Adjusting will be lifelong. Changes in life are lifelong. How much do you want it? How much do you love it? Talk about your field. Talk about the changes you’ve been encountering with your endo and team. Go after every single problem & soon you’ll feel like YOU’RE in charge, not it.
Talk about what you really enjoy doing. You’ll get an idea of its worthiness to you. Best wishes!
Thanks for the encouragement.
Well, fortunately, I study the bones of people who have been dead for several hundred years. Not a whole lot of changes. Part of the problem is a know I can’t trust my judgment right now because nothing feels worth doing. I know it’s not the right time to make a decision, but in the mean time I’m failing anyway.
Hi Mentha, I won’t belabor the subject, but I do know exactly how you feel and it really helped (is helping, since I’m still at it) for me to talk to a psychologist who specializes in diabetes and the range of emotions we go through post-diagnosis. If you haven’t already, I might recommend seeking out this type of therapist. It makes a huge difference to talk to someone whose job is to help us get through this difficult time. The fact that this type of psychologist existed and specialized in helping me through exactly what I was experiencing completely justified my feelings of depression. You are not alone, feel free to privately message me too.
I can easily commiserate with your story. I was a PhD student in biochemistry for a few years before being diagnosed with Type 1. I already had issues with my program since my first adviser passed away unexpectedly and I was forced to switch labs after my third year. I had started to settle back into the routine of grad school and my new lab when I started feeling tired and just out of it. My graduate work suffered. I ended up switching to a master’s due to being absent from the lab.
After feeling ill for some time and being non-productive I finally bought a glucometer when the more obvious warning signs appeared. Not sure why I was actually shocked to see a 379 reading :). I was officially diagnosed a couple of weeks after my 30th birthday. I only took a month off from the lab. When I returned I found myself arguing with my adviser about my absence, lack of results and coming in late sometimes. He even went so far as to call my diabetes an excuse. I did my best to write my master’s thesis in two months and I was happy to remove myself from that environment.
I am currently just working as a lab tech and trying to publish some of my previous work. PhD programs are very demanding and you are often at the whim of your adviser or committee. I personally know many people who’ve had wonderful experiences with understanding advisers. Others have had similar experiences to ours. My first adviser would have completely understood and probably done anything to accommodate me. I was just not so lucky with my second lab. I figure my negative experiences in grad school will help me avoid those situations in the future.
I plan to get my career back on course and hopefully work in bio tech and maybe eventually return to grad school. I exercise often and feel great most days and I just try to push through the bad days. But I also seem to need more sleep nowadays. I am still learning to adapt to my diabetes and I know I will eventually be able to challenge myself with my career again soon. However, if I never get my PhD, then so be it.
Sorry for the long story, BUT in my meager opinion: Diabetes does alter your life, including your career. Of course you can control that alteration. In my experience certain academia people will NOT empathize with you about anything. For me, that included the death of a parent, losing an awesome adviser and getting diabetes. And honestly that really can hurt. At the end of the day, results matter most to them, not people (I actually kind of feel bad for them now). I think diabetes has taught me a valuable lesson…… Life is no longer always about results for me.
Best of luck. I hope you can sort everything out so you are satisfied with your career but also happy. When you do you, might find life to be even better than it was before diabetes.
Thanks, Will. It was great to read your story for a little commiseration. And best of luck to you in your career road decisions too. I really think the hardest thing is figuring out what the best path is. I don’t really believe those people who say you have to be 100% doubt-free to get through grad school (or any hard road). I guess because I don’t think I’ve ever felt 100% certain about anything, least of all getting up each morning.
Mentha, I have changed careers like 4 times - well, maybe they dont all count as careers but they were things I was aiming at.
And yes, D does make you rethink things - even your life/career path. I asked a question similar to this on here about a month ago. It is not that I don’t like the fields I was in previously (unemployed and looking right now) but one field (IT) is totally hard to get a job in right now, my other old career (zookeeping) is really too physical and I get tired more easily with the D plus my hearing problems also are a problem doing that, the other career (hair dressing) I really don’t want to go back too. There are many things we are interested in doing at one point in our lives that change somehow down the road. Not that I regret any of my careers but life changes and sometimes we need to change our careers to for whatever reason and so we can be happy.
I have a Bachelors in Psych (half animal psych) but I really never explored my options of what else I could do with that degree. I can’t afford school right now but I am looking into going a different direction with the Psych. I spent 8 years (part time) finishing the damn degree I might a well do something else with it right?
If you really don’t have any interest in what you are doing anymore than you should look into other interests. For me though if I were as far along as you I would at least finish my degree - but that is just the way I am. It would drive me crazy knowing that degree was so close to being finished that I didnt do it. But also give yourself some time to figure out whether are you really not interested in this anymore or is it just that you are still depressed from being diagnosed? When one is depressed is hard to be interested in anything. So I wouldn’t rush into a decision. I would stay with where I am and give it time. Obviously you have been doing this a while - you must love something about it.
I feel like I am at a crossroads too - but in a way it is sort of good for some of the things in my life. Because of me finding out about my D, I sort of gave me an escape from a relationship I should have ended years ago and even though I am really back at the bottom and starting again - at least, my life is open now to reinvent myself in a way. I mean, sometimes I wonder if there was a ‘reason’ this happened to me (and I normally don’t believe in that stuff) - to really make me think about my life and that maybe it is time for me to make some changes again (I’m no stranger to that in careers).
From the posts I have read from you, I kinda get the feeling that you haven’t really come to terms completely with your D condition. It is hard and give yourself a break. But once you accept it and get it into the swing of it and taking care of yourself, the old you will come back. Well, you will always be changed by D but I think if you truely loved the career of bones (that sounds so cool btw - I love the bones in the museum!), you will know it again. But if all you do if focus on how miserable having D is making you - it will take even longer for you to come back to “normal”.
It is hard at the beginning (I am only a little over two months diagnosed so less than you) but after a while I got sick of thinking about it constantly. In the beginnning you kinda of have to - learn and adjust of course but after a while I just wanted to put it to the side and think about something else - you will too eventually. You can only think about it so much and than realize there is nothing else to do but to take care of it and than think about other things too - things you used to think about before - things you loved. I know it feels like you have to stop your life because of it - I felt that way too - but it gets boring to think about it all the time and than you will just want to move on with things and not think about it so much.
Thanks for the reply and the encouragement, Kimberly.
I’m not really sure what you mean by “come to terms” with diabetes. I’m certainly not it denial. I’m fully aware that I’ll be a diabetic for the rest of my life. I’m very strict and proactive with my treatment, but you’re right that I haven’t made any kind of peace with it. About two months into my diagnosis I thought I’d gotten my feet back under me for a little while, but that’s when I was diagnosed with my other autoimmune conditions and since then… Well… I should really stop complaining. I’m certainly sick to death of being around myself. Maybe that’ll be enough to push me out the other side.
You’re not complaining. You’re stating facts as they are. I’m glad you kept talking! Keep on!
I’ve had other autoimmune diseases added to diabetes. I’ve had Sjogrens. Once in a while a tendon’s sheath starts swelling - and I add an ibuprophen for a day or two and it goes away. Then because I was a tennis player with a vengeance, I have a knee that takes on fluid. That, too, responds to ibuprophen or Advil. Not for pain. Because ibuprophen calms down inflammation. Each one recedes/disappears as I keep strong control on how high I let my BG go.
DO add a psychologist to your team. You’ll find the plot of your landscape will become clearer and you can definitely get back your energy to do what you decide to do!!
I think your field is fascinating. I love some of the findings that have been unearthed for us all to use in our quest for who we were and who we’ve become. Cheers!
I lost my mom about 18 months before I was diagnosed with diabetes. It really sucks, doesn’t it.
I was diagnosed as a T2 at 26 it has motivated me to stay in shape 3 marathons and countless triathlons later and Big D is a motivator to keep running to keep my sugars and weight in control and to control my stress.
I also worked a crazy construction job w/ a 40 mile commutte long hours and lots of stress. I have changed that around a bit and still work and ahve stress but there is a bigger focus on the quality of my non-work life such as my friends and family as opposed the JOB
When I was diagnosed with diabetes, I felt like a bit of me had died. I found the five stages of grief by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross similar to what I was going through. I had a period of mourning over my diagnosis. The stages are D’Nial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
While you may not be in denial, you are still dealing with your diagnosis and how your life will be changed. You may end up deciding that your current career path is not the one you are interested in any longer. That is fine. But, it may also be true that your current path is the one you wish to pursue, but that right now you are still dealing with your diabetes and health issues.
The mere fact that you are having trouble concentrating, you are not performing as you know that you can, and that you are unmotivated tells me that you have a lot going on. You are a bright person, and you can make your own decisions. But make no mistake, it takes time.
My advice to you would be to “stay the course” until you feel you have found a “compelling” new direction. Your life has been rocked by events of “epic” proportions. Your ability to figure out your direction in life is currently impaired. Why not stay in your program. Do your best. You won’t be the top student, but keep at it. And let yourself “heal” your mind. Make no mistake, you have suffered a loss and just because you don’t deny the loss, you still have not gotten to acceptance. It may take years. If you can hang on through the summer, then perhaps you can take the summer off and consider your future.
Best of luck.
Yes, that is what I meant by “come to terms” - not at “peace” with it yet. Well, I don’t think anyone is ever totally at peace with having any disease but, for this, it seems like a lot people at here at least - have come to a certain “acceptance” of it to the point that they don’t dwell on it all the time or let it get in the way of other things they like to do. I guess sort of a “move on with my other things” kind of point in their diagnosis - is what I meant. 