Caring vs. Smothering

[Coliath]

Well, I’ve never blogged before because I figured my life was too boring for anyone to pay attention to. But having a forum, I suppose, gives us room to vent irregardless of whether others read it or not. I most certainly have my good days and my bad days like everyone else, but lately I’ve been really struggling with the frustrations of those around me who ‘care’. On the one hand, I feel utterly guilty and wrong when I get exasperated with my husband, for example, who scrutinizes much of what I put in my mouth… On the other hand, I’m a big girl, and it’s my body and I need to be allowed to be me and not a child who needs monitoring every 5 minutes of my life!!

Now, to give background… My husband has had a very unfortunate life. He lost virtually all of his family at a very young age to a variety of causes (car accidents, cancer, etc.) and so is, quite understandably, very protective of me which I absolutely understand and try my best to respect. Add to this, my very recent (and first) experience with DKA that landed me in ICU for 4 days, which scared the ever-living crap out of both of us. However, I learned a very big lesson from this experience, i.e., no matter how sick I feel, NEVER go without insulin. Lesson learned. But his monitoring is driving me absolutely nuts!! And then I feel guilty when I get upset… It seems a no-win situation. I have tried explaining my point of view and acknowledging his very reasonable - and justified - concerns, but also try to explain what I have learned, what will help me and what won’t regarding advice and monitoring. However, I still struggle with this idea in general (not just with him) of where the line is between my independence and respect for my ability to take care of myself and the “caring” of others… I suppose time will tell. God grant me patience!

[Terrie]

Hi Colleen:

You’re a Psychologist? How could your Life be boring? People are so interesting.

That is a pity that your Hubby lost his Dear ones at an early age but that doesn’t give him the right to stress you out and upset you by smothering you and possibly raising your blood sugars. That is too bad that he didn’t hear you when you had the talk with him about it.

Anyways, I can understand where you are coming from since I would feel the same way. My Hubby and our Kids have thankfully not been over-protective of me due to Diabetes nor have they been the food-police, since I was a Diabetic long before I “knew” them. I do notice them keeping an eye on me if they feel that I may be low though and they’ll ask if I’m low or if I need a juice or if I’ve tested lately. That’s Fine, but I like my space.

I was also in DKA and a Coma when I was 19 because I forgot my shots before going to work. My Parents allowed my Hubby(Boyfriend then)to stay at my bedside in ICU since the Doctors said I wasn’t going to make it. But he realized that I was my own Person and independant for the most part. Needless to say, I never forgot my Insulin again.

Most People with Diabetes are able to look after themselves and can be treated as a “Normal” Person much of the time with perhaps a litte help on the side.

It is Great to have someone to care about us but I do hope that you or someone else will be able to convince your Hubby that you do not need “that much help and caring”. Good Luck to you both.