Comic Relief


#103

I heard a possibly apocryphal story that “blucher” means “glue” in German or Yiddish, but I haven’t been able to find any corroborating evidence since I don’t speak either language.


#104

Teri Garr: “Put…the…candle back!”


#105

“Go ahead, say it! He vas my BOYFRIEND!!”


#106

Madeline Kahn: “No tongues!”

(How anyone could have resisted Gene Wilder’s tongue is beyond my ability to comprehend!)


#107

FYI, according to a recent Mel Brooks interview, the “no tongues” line was also ad-libbed.


#108

It was the idea for “Blazing Saddles” that Mel got from the Bergman script. Mel is a solid guy. He bought the script and brought Bergman in to join his writing team for the rewrite. The funniest thing I heard about the writing was that the white writers wrote the best lines for Bart and Pryor wrote some of the best lines for the white characters.

The best line that I only heard about recently (from my nephew) is when Howard Johnson both practices and gives his welcoming speech to Sheriff Bart:

'As Honorary Chairman of the Welcoming Committee, it is my privilege to extend a laurel and hearty handshake to our new sheriff."

Laurel and hearty handshake = Laurel and Hardy handshake

Mel Brooks, like any smart person, will use a good idea when he sees one.


#109

Oh yeah, the Laurel and Hearty Handshake line is a classic. And I love the sign on Howard Johnson’s ice cream parlor: “1 Flavor”.

Another is when the Preacher is preaching his sermon in church just as someone throws a lit stick of dynamic through the window. He says, “I shall now read from the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and DUCK!!!”

I also love the clever ways Mel breaks the fourth wall in many of his films. In Blazing Saddles, Harvey Korman is sitting behind his desk talking to himself: “I need to find a Sheriff whose very appearance will so outrage the citizens of Ridge Rock that they will flee the town. But where will I find such a man?” Then he looks straight into the camera and says, “Why am I asking you?”


#110

My favorite scenes from Brooks movies was the candy gram scene. I can still see it “Candy Gram for Mongo, Candy Gram for Mongo”

My second favorite scene was the toll booth in the desert scene.

Lamarr’s posse rides up on Bart’s diversion: a single tollbooth in the middle of the desert]
Taggart: LePetomaine Thruway? Now what’ll that ■■■■■■■ think of next?
[turns to the posse]
Taggart: Has anybody got a dime?
[henchmen grumble, search their pockets]
Taggart: Somebody’s gotta go back and get a ■■■■-load of dimes!


#111

I think my favorite exchange is this one:

The Governor refers to his assistant as “Hedy Lamarr”.

Lamarr: "That’s HEDLEY."
Governor: “What are you worried about? This is 1870. You’ll be able to sue her!”


#112

Maybe it’s the other way around - the dog tows the car in and then pees on it to rinse it off!
And most Canadian souvenir shops sell our rare delicacies not so much from the ‘mouths of babes’ but more from t’other end of critters - nothing quite as exotic as elephants unless you count the elephant poo fertilizer we can get that the Metro Zoo in Toronto and there’s also caribou stew that’s even good for you, not so much for the moose.
I’ve personally tried the following treats from various parts of Canada (not all at one sitting and not counting the 'poo’tine :wink:


#113

I think sometimes we’re too reliant on all this new-fangled technology. The old-fangled technology worked just fine. When I was a child, we DID have a device that would turn off our headlights if we left them on too long.

It was called a battery.


#114

When I was a boy, my mama would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I’d come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and 6 eggs.

You can’t do that now.

Too many security cameras.


#116

This, from another discussion thread, reminded me of something.




The Italian government has announced plans to install a clock in the Leaning Tower. Their stated rationale is, it’s no good to have the inclination if you don’t have the time.


#117

Just spit out my coffee! That one got me.[quote=“David_dns, post:35, topic:48728, full:true”]
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “how much for a beer?”

The bartender replies, “for you—no charge.”
[/quote]


#118

Glad to be of service. :sunglasses:

Here’s the other one that goes with it:

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender shouts, “Hey! I’ll serve you—but DON’T start anything!”


#119

Alsotoo, who’s supposed to enforce those “Employees must wash hands” signs in public restrooms? Because I always stand around waiting for an employee to wash my hands, no one ever shows up, and I end up having to do it myself.


#120

The one I love is “post no bills”. Too late!

Oh, yeah, and its cousin: “This page intentionally left blank.” Sure about that??


#121

If you get the book “Learned Pigs and Fireproof Women: Unique, Eccentric and Amazing Entertainers” by Ricky Jay, you’ll find a chapter on one of the most lucrative sideshow-style talents in history: the ability to intake air through the, um, nether orifice and expel it at will. Various performers have mastered this art, using it to play songs, somersault across a stage as if propelled by the jets of gas, and other tricks. Greatest of all of these was a performer, Joseph Pujol, whose flatulistic talents won him fame and a bit of fortune at least for a while in late-19th century France. Among other things he could imitate the effects of cannon fire and thunderstorms, as well as playing “'O Sole Mio” and “La Marseillaise” on an ocarina through a rubber tube in his anus. He could also blow out a candle from several yards away.

The stage name of this remarkable man was “the fartomaniac” or, in the original French, Le Pétomane.


#122

Ok, favorite screw-in-a-lightbulb joke:

Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A fish!


#123

I’ve read about Pujol elsewhere. I’m positive that was where Mel Brooks got the idea for the name of the territorial governor in Blazing Saddles. People think that the campfire scene is the only fart joke in the movie, whereas there are actually two.

My own favorite light bulb joke:

Q. How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to change the light bulb, and one to not change the light bulb.