Q: How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What? And ruin my nail polish?!?!?
Just for Halloween . . . . .
Q. What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-oâ-lantern by its diameter?
A. Pumpkin Ï
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Re: Pirates of the Caribbean
Q. Who steers the ship when Capt. Jack Sparrow is asleep?
A. Why, the autopirate, of course.
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So, if you had the chance to be thin your entire life, or eat chocolate every day of your life, which would you choose?
Milk, white or dark!!?
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In the 1980s (true story), the USS Enterprise ran aground (actually got stuck on a ;mud bank) in San Francisco Bay. While the incident cost the captain his career, which is certainly not funny, one of the newspaper columns concerning the incident produced a true classic that deserves to take its rightful place among the worldâs great puns:
âHe grounds the warship he walks onâ
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Câest un français qui fait du vĂ©lo en Belgique.
Il sâarrĂȘte dans une station service et dit au pompiste :
- Le plein, SVP.
Le pompiste fait semblant de faire le plein. - Et vĂ©rifiez lâhuile, aussi.
Le pompiste continue de jouer le jeu.
Le français, mort de rire, remonte sur son vélo.
Ă ce moment, le pompiste lui donne une Ă©norme claque. - Mais quâest-ce qui vous prend ? sâĂ©crie le français, furieux.
- Vous aviez mal fermé votre portiÚre !
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Xi went to Guangxi and spoke with the governor about the fine people of China.
The governor: Fine peopleâŠI donât know.
Xi: I will show you. Hey you! Come here! What do you do?
Farmer: Iâm a farmer.
Xi: Let me ask you, if you had two houses, would you give one to the government?
Without hesitation the farmer says yes⊠Xi turns to the governor who isnât convinced.
Xi asks: if you had two cars, would you give one to the government? Immediate yes from the farmer. The governor asks if he may asks a question and Xi says, of course.
Governor: if you had two cows, would you give one to the government.
Farmer: No. Never. Please donât ask.
Xi is confused: But youâd give a house and car, why not a cow?
Farmer: I actually have two cows.
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A duck and a chicken are standing next to a deserted road. The duck starts to cross the road. The chicken cries out, âHey! I wouldnât do that if I were you! Youâll NEVER hear the end of it!â
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Thanks Thas. (All my best material is stolen.)
Q: How many sons of a Jewish mother does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. âDonât worry about me, Iâll just sit here in the darkâ
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Alternate answer to JAP riddle above:
Two: One to call Daddy and one to get the Diet Pepsi.
For better or worse, I can relate to both answers⊠
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An SEO copywriter walks into a bar, grill, pub, public house, Irish, bartender, drinks, beer, wine, liquorâŠ
How many SEO copywriters does it take to change a lightbulb, light bulb, light, bulb, lamp, bulbs, flowers, flourâŠ
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A light bulb walks into a bar, hands the bartender a dollar and says, âI need some quarters for the meter.â Bartender says, âSorry, it takes three bartenders to change a light bulb.â
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Paddy is walking past a building site when he sees a notice âConstruction Workers Wantedâ. He goes into the office and applies for a job. The foreman interviewing him says âyou seem to have the right sort of experience, but I am just going to ask you a quick question to test your knowledge. Do you know the difference between a girder and a joist?â
âSureâ says Paddy. âEveryone knows that. Girder wrote Faust and Joist wrote Ulyseesâ
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What is a Wok? Itâs what you pick up and throw at that pesky ole wabbit.
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How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it from behind.
Do I need to read this with an Irish accent? Like many joists, I think this oneâs over my head âŠ
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I think youâre confusing this with Joist Kilmer, who wrote âTreesâ.
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To be sure, to be sure ⊠(which is the reason why the Irishman always wore two condoms)
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