As an ex-dancer, for me it was: “You will lose your toes and maybe a foot.” So, yeah, I saw no choice but to battle this effing scourge every hour of everyday, no time outs…
Now I know that even making all the “right” choices will never guarantee no complications, anyway. By this time, at least the basic “rules” have been assimilated to a point where I can say I did everything I knew to do to manage the Diabolical Whimsy of The D…
Hi there. I’ve had this stupid disease as long as you(I was 1 and nearly died) and I know exactly how you feel. I have a Medtronic pump and no matter what I do my “brittle diabetes” does whatever it wants-no rhyme or reason. I’ve been waiting to die for about 20 years but I just get crappy suffering instead. I cannot say it gets better. You have to be strong and keep believing it will be all right. What can you do? There’s always someone worse off. I’ve been to lots of shrinks. on antidepressants etc. but it is what it is.
I have to say that animals really help me. My hands have gotten bad tendonitis and I have to have them released through surgery. Yay. I have a 200 lb. Great Dane who is AWESOME and he makes me really happy. This disease sucks, but it could be worse. You deal with what you get. I cry a lot but faith 
in yourself is a big thing. I would really like to talk to others with this kind of depression. You can email me at joakim@bell.net
Sally:
This website is making me slightly nuts. My replyn to you was joakim… Emailme please. I KNOW exactly how you feel.
Hi Sally7
I would really like to “talk” to you. I just found out about this website and it took about 5 days of contacting the admin to get on but here I am because I’ve had Type1 diabetes for almost 46 years and I’m starting to consider suicide. I’m very sad and fed up. I’m in Canada. I have a Medtronic pump but it does cause some annoying problems. I was ok until three years ago a mastiff hit me in the ankle. My doctors were dumb and called it tendon damage because the doctors missed it on x-ray. I walked on it for 8 mths! The talus was shattered. An idiot surgeon put four screws in and pulled one out them out in the clinic full of germs. Then I got a bone infection and wore a pick line into my heart for 2 months.
The visiting nurses kept putting wet dressings on it wouldn’t heal. My md fired them and I let my 200 lb. wonderful Great Dane lick it. Presto! 10 days and it was healed! However, now I have to wear a hard plastic brace with ski buckles for life because I can’t weight bear. Nice. I can only swim now and I react to chlorine. I gained 15 lbs because I was really active before. I went blind at 21 but my eye sugeeon fixed that. I’m really grateful
I need other Type 1s to talk to. This is brutally hard as I get older, this disease gets worse. More meds, one thing after another. I was 1 when I was diagnosed–beef and pork insulin, urine testing etc. I’m pretty well controlled but no matter what I do, y bgs are crazy sometimes. No spouse or kids by choice.Someone. anyone please write back to me. I’m not about to off myself but I. crying as I write this. I feel very isolated and am having problems coping. I’ve been on antidepressants, been to shrinks since I was 16. No one gets it except US. This is snot a great disease but I know there are worse.
I’ll include pictures when I learn how–not that technical. 
Oh my dear. I am so very glad you found us. I am a T2 and still a toddler at dealing with this scourge at 8 years coping. But I came into it with fibromyalgia and worsening arthritis, having had my first of 4 knee surgeries at 16. Anyway, I have a glimmer of a notion of what you describe. At 65, I have begun a sort of cascading sense of things going wrong–in small ways, so far.
I have to head out now. I will check back this afternoon to be sure you have connected with folks who can help you get through this. But I am holding you close in my heart…Blessings
Thank you so much. You’re the first and I’ll never forget you. I’m bawling again. How have I dealt with all ths crap? I’ve read your stuff before. I’m sorry you got this ■■■■■■ disease on top of what you already have. We are strong women right? We can get through all this. Thank you again. I’m really having ahard time. It has to get better. You are very kind.
sure we will, LOL. I seem immune to these sort of problems. I have always thrown myself into hobbies and maybe that helps me avoid dwelling on diabetes too much as I always have some other stuff going on. Not always constructive. Rock bands and partying when I was in college then reading and maybe 10 years ago I switched gears and started exercising and then that kind of led to me want to improve my diabetes skills and, of all things, fantasy baseball, had taught me that message boards are great resources which, in turn, led me to Tu!
Hi. I really appreciate you guys talking to me. Almost 47 years of this crap (very brittle) I’ve pretty much had it. I feel better having people to converse with
My new touch screen does not have photos yet. I don’t really know what I’m doing. Acidrock, you sound like I used to feel’ when D didn’t really bother me, but now I’m kinda desperate and afraid. Maybe if I was 60 or 70 I wouldn’t be thinkin
g about overdosing, but 100 units IV will do it just fine. I live for my black dane. My brindle died 4 days before I got him. He was only 3 and his tummy flipped. Big killer of males. Joaquim had his stomach stapled so it cannot happen. I live for him. He rescues me from insulin shock at night. No training.
I hate this disease somuch and don’t want it anymore. What do I do?
I just want you to know you are not alone. None of us should have to face these things alone.
I am so very sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. I was enjoying a great 4th BBQ w/ lots of carbs. And right now I’m downtown San Diiego watching the women’s World Cup final at Petco. Life must be enjoyed whenever and where ever you can. So my first thing to tell you is you are not alone. When I had my meltdown two weeks ago, everyone here was right there helping me through it.
I’m not through it and I don’t think I ever will be but I try to make the most of each day.
I’m so sorry I don’t have an “answer” for you. It is tough and it sounds like you’ve been through the ringer. If you are thinking those thoughts that no one deserves to feel, get some help. I found once I found someone who understood diabetes from an emotional standpoint, I started understanding my feelings are not that unusual. But it sound like you really need totals with someone. Can your doctor recommend someone for you? I wish we could get together and have coffee a few times a week. How great would that be😀 Please, please, please stay the path that we’ve been put on and keep fighting the fight. I will get back to you after the U.S. beat Japan and we can have that talk. Hi king about you and sending positive, happy thoughts your way.
Hi Sally 7. I am in Ottawa and with the humidity it is almost 100! It makes me and my Dane kinda sick. I took him out this am to pee and my legs did not work. I was really dizzy. My BG was 3–that’s 3x 18 in the American scale. In 2 days I am having 2 tendons in my fingers cut and left like that. It is very painful and I keep thinking if I am dead I do not have to do it. I know that is stupid–I;m far too strong to leave my Great Dane. He is awesome and he has woken me from shock too many times ro abandon him. Everybody lives for something. I love him like crazy.
I look forward to chatting with you in the future
Hi Judith!
How are you
My computer is printing the secondary keys. I do not know how to fix it. Sorry. Did you get the pics I sent.
I think I remember you saying you were a dancer. With what you have now, that is really tough. Why is life unfair.
Hi joakim - One of the real complications of diabetes is the tendency for depression. I’ve read that we, as people with diabetes, are twice as likely to be depressed. Please get the help you need. Reaching out to others is not weakness, but strength. Your reaching out to this community is healthy and shows you want to feel better.
A book that really helped me several years ago is Chuck Eichten’s The Book of Better: Life with Diabetes Can’t Be Perfect. Make It Better. This book entertains as it informs. There are lots of humorous graphics and it is easy and quick to read.
It is anything but “pie-in-the-sky” over-the-top unrealistic optimism about diabetes. Chuck Eichten makes the simple and powerful point that while we can’t cure our diabetes, with some effort and mindfulness, we can make it better. And better is indeed better! I encourage you to get a copy and read it. I’ve found that one of the most potent coping tools we humans employ is the ability to frame any experience. How we frame our diabetes makes all the difference.
I also live alone and understand the challenges that that represents. I do have a canine companion that I love, too. He is a trained low blood sugar alert service dog and he provides me with incredible comanionship. I love my life and look forward to every day. We each contribute something unique to the world and the world would be less without each of us. I encourage you to find the help you need so that you can start to feel more joy. Good luck to you!
Joakim,
I would also recommend you join us for our live events. July 9 we will get the privilege to see Gary Scheiner, CDE and all of his knowledge, humor and real life approach to dealing with diabetes day in and day out. I encourage you to check him out and come up with some questions you may have. Trust me, he’s a HUGE hit and very popular with the Diabetes Online Community.
http://www.tudiabetes.org/events/
Sarah 
hi. I am the girl in Ottawa, Ca with the Great Dane. Thank you so much for the suggestions I am so happy I found this website. Regular healthy people get tired of hearing about D, but I feel like I can talk to you about it.
Friends, Amy is @joakim. And Amy, please join us for Gary Scheiner’s chat here. I understand his clinic is now offering psych counseling services for type1s. He does most of his consulting remotely by Skype and Google Hangouts I think.
{{{ @joakim }}} This forum is great for connecting with peeps who understand. I know it helps me to have interactions with people that know without explanation of what it is I deal with day to day.
And there are so many knowledgeable folks here! I have been very brittle as well for the past 32 years. Just got on Dexcom in May and, with the help of people here, I am maintaining blood sugars in a much more stable range. I wish this for you as well.
Truth be told, today–right now–there isn’t a good solution for “not wanting it anymore” other than making peace with it. I hope we can help you here to do that 
@joakim—I never know where my replies are going to end up–this is in reply to your kind inquiry as to how I am. And the unfairness of life.
When my son was stillborn at 8 months in 1971, I answered the “Why me?” question in a way that still works: “Why Not me?”
Why ever should I be exempt from the horrible things that happen to everybody? No reason that I could think of!
So one lumbers along and does the best one can. I’ve had to re-configure my life any number of times. At least I’ve gotten better at recognizing when it needs to be done. hehe…
Thinking of life as unfair is a moot point. Life is life. Personally, I have had, have and will continue to have the stuff of life that sends you to the bottom of the birdcage. I have other conditions aside from diabetes, and frankly there are days that can only be dealt with minute by minute. Add to that some of the pitfalls of life that are not health related. Nevertheless, I have a propensity toward finding beauty in the mundane. That’s a life saving gift, that has gotten me out of the abyss many times.
