Some days I just don't want to live anymore


#1

And I’m thinking, what the heck am I doing here?? I have no answer.


#2

Sorry you are feeling this way. Can you share more on what is most troubling? Are you looking for help with anything specific.

What is different on your good days when you don’t feel this way ?


#3

I have nothing to live for. I’m sick and all alone. No one checks in on me, and no therapist has room for me. I’m too sick to work, and without any purpose. Nothing to live for.


#4

Thank you for sharing your feelings.

I am sorry you are feeling so isolated. Illness can make us feel alone. Have you directly expressed these feelings to your doctor? The feelings you are describing are not uncommon for someone dealing with a long term illness, but they are real, valid, and deserve immediate medical attention.

Beyond reaching out to your doctor, and I hope you will reach out today, here is a link to a website with links to different types of help.
https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/NAMI-HelpLine/Top-25-HelpLine-Resources

Other places to find support can be your local church/synagogue/ mosque. Some places of worship offer transportation as well.

When I feel overwhelmed, I remind myself that these feelings are like the ocean. There are periods of calm and turbulence. When things are bad, I remind myself that feelings are like waves and all waves eventually return to calm.

Please reach out to your doctor, just like you did here. It is so hard to see purpose when you feel this ill, but purpose coms in many forms. It is just hard to see that in the moment.

Sending gentle thoughts your way.

Laurel


#5

Jan, What are you doing here? You’re sharing this very difficult journey we’re all on. You’ve hit a low spot, but having experienced that, you’ve gained knowledge that people who have never been there don’t have. Thus when you get out of the hole, you’ll be in a position to help other people when they hit low spots.

Can your doctor find a therapist who has room for you? Are you able to get out or are you housebound?

Keep us informed and we’ll do what we can to help. We’re cheering for you at this difficult time.


#6

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE reach out for help! Call your Doctor right away and get referred to a psychologist with an appointment TODAY. I would hate to see you hurt yourself over these feelings of dread and disappointment. Reach out, get some help, and try to feel better - we all go through low days, but yours sounds very serious and we really want to see you here tomorrow with a much better outlook!


#7

Hola Jen, I’m so sorry you are going through a rough time. Just read your post and would like to share some resources for you.

Suicide Prevention & Crisis Services

NAMI Santa Clara County
Warmline/Help Desk Telephone: 1-408-453-0400, option 1

MORE RESOURCES

PLEASE seek help and let us know how can we help.


#8

Thank you, Laurel, I appreciate the time you took to write this message.

It’s not just the chronic illness (of which I have several), it’s also the fact that I’m living alone with chronic illness, and no one regularly checks in on me. Can you imagine that?

Most of 2017 was spent making phone calls and looking for support. Throughout the entire year (and after many many dozens of calls), I could not find an appropriate therapist. Those on Medicare had no openings, and those not on Medicare charged $200-$300 per visit. Every affordable one was overbooked and had no room for a new patient. So I’ve been without therapy for over a year now.

I’ve known about NAMI for many years, and looked into them last year as well. Their job is to refer you elsewhere. At the time, their referrals didn’t work out (don’t remember what happened), but I suppose I could try again.

I’m not that experienced with TuDiabetes, but is there a way to PM here? If so, I’d love to talk more with you, Laurel. You have a kind and giving heart. :slight_smile:


#9

Thank you, Gretchen. Yes, it’s in my nature to help others and I love doing so. But why is there no one to help me?

Physically I’m not housebound and can get out whenever I want. But mentally is another issue. I do indeed spend too much time indoors. But for an escape artist like me, it’s much safer.

Thank you for being there for me. :slight_smile: The cheers feel good. xo


#10

You’re so kind, Devildog. I won’t hurt myself, but I appreciate your concern. Unfortunately, I’m in an area where therapists charge several hundred dollars per session, and those few who are on my medical plan are booked to the gills. My best friends live across the planet’s largest ocean (they’re in Japan), and people who are local are too busy for friendships. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Quite a conundrum, eh?

Thank you so much for chiming in. :slight_smile:


#11

If friendship is the biggest lack in your life right now then do what I did. I live in a very isolated area and there aren’t any diabetic support groups so instead I started a knitting group and have made lasting friends and we all call each other frequently. Whether that means setting up a meeting or just talking about health issues (and between all of us we’re loaded with them) the support has been fantastic.

If you don’t knit or craft then join a book club or something like that. You probably won’t have to start your own group because you live in a populated area so you won’t have to put yourself out there as much as I did. Good luck on your friend hunting expedition!


#12

I agree, I live in a small town. I worked at doing things that got me out of the house. I’m ew 1 person when I first moved her. Everybody knows me know,well almost :sunglasses:
Depression is a struggle during the winter. They are long,cold, but getting out made me feel so much better. Our NAAMI groups here do monthly support. I am sorry it is so tough right now. Have you tried a church? Take care. Nancy50


#13

NOTE: MY USERNAME HAS BEEN CORRECTED TO MY PREFERRED CHOICE, ANDANTE. But it’s still me, the one who started this thread.

Thank you, Firenza and Nancy. I appreciate greatly your thoughts.

Firenza, here’s my story with trying groups. Years ago I joined a diabetic group, but people just hung out and complained about their health issues. Not good for someone like me with depression! So I won’t go to any more health-related groups. Need something more uplifting.

Then I tried square dancing. Did it for three years straight. I even organized and threw a large party every summer to make friends there. I finally had to quit dancing for lack of energy, but no lasting friends came from that endeavor. I tried, but everyone was too busy with their own lives and own significant others.

Recently I tried launching my own monthly group of people who help each other. The first two events (Mar and Apr) had a few people come who loved it and got something from it. But the last two times (May and Jun), no one showed. So I think I’ll give up on that idea.

My god, why is it so hard???

And Nancy, I contacted NAMI last year, but nothing came of it. Perhaps I’ll try again now. I agree that churches are wonderful support! But I’m not God-oriented. There is a Humanist organization around, but it’s a bit far from my house. Also, the activities they list online seem to be mostly family-oriented (parents and kids). I’m alone, so that wouldn’t work for me.

Are you beginning to see why I’ve become so discouraged? It’s not that I haven’t tried!

Thanks for your concern. :slight_smile:


#14

hi andante i feel the same like i dont want to live feel very depressed i think me feeling like that is more to do with my diabetes even today i feel down feel suicidual depressed feel as theres no light at the end of the tunnel. some times i find it helps to talk to friends .


#15

Thanks for replying, Static. Have you tried reaching out to anyone in your life, other than online? Do you have people who check in on you? Sending you a hug.


#16

Have you tried joining a social group that is already active? That way if it is already well established then you wouldn’t run into the problem of nobody showing up and you’re right going to a group that only talks about health issues would be pretty depressing. I’m a pretty introverted person so getting out there and making friends can be hard but if you don’t give up and just keep trying to find your spot then eventually things will get easier.

It seems like your dancing was a great outlet for you but since you can’t physically do something that strenuous anymore then how about some more stationary exercise in a group setting like yoga or aqua-robics.


#17

Firenza, thank you for all of your ideas. That is so kind of you.

I haven’t put much energy into it this year, but I spent a good chunk of 2017 looking for a social group that fit me and my interests. Could not find a single one!

Then this year, I learned about a games group (I’m mad about games and puzzles) that meets once a month. I’ve gone once so far, and the second meeting is tonight. I might see if I can find people there who would like to meet more often outside the established group. Thanks for the idea. :slight_smile:


#18

Everyone:

Omg, I just opened up my mail, and inside something was this quote:

Some people grumble that roses have thorns. I am grateful that thorns have roses.
– Alphonse Karr

Pretty powerful stuff!


#19

Hi Andante,

I really love the idea of a games group. Another idea would be a local library and book club. I ran a knitting group for years and it was fun and supportive. I am in a nutrition class at the local grocery store and it’s been a real boon for me. I thin of adult education classes - if I only have time. Maybe that’s another avenue?

Have you seen this website? https://www.meetup.com/ It’s a way to find groups to join.

I hope you can find some groups. It’s hard to make the connections when you have depression. My husband’s depression is quite serious, so I am very sympathetic.

((((hugs)))

Laurel


#20

That’s why you’ve been so understanding, Laurel. Well, he’s lucky to have you. Imagine being depressed and living alone!

Every few years or so I go to the Meetup website and see what’s popped up. Last few times there was nothing nearby that worked for me. But maybe it’s time to check again.

Unfortunately, I just learned that the games group tonight was moved to next week. :frowning: But maybe I’ll be in a better mood then…

Just got back from a walk. A snail would’ve outpaced me, but at least I walked. I hope it’ll help my spirits tomorrow.

Thanks again, honey!