I haven’t dated since I was 17 years old (currently 33) that’s when I met my ex-husband. It took me like 4 months of us dating before I even told him I had type 1 diabetes and then the whole 13 years we were together I don’t think he ever truly understood my diabetes. I use to get mad at him cause there were times I would tell him my blood was low and he would tell me to take insulin or my blood was high and he would say something stupid like drink some juice. Ughh, so frustrating. But anyways, I got off topic for a minute. I have been single now for 3 years, divorced for 1 and I haven’t dated anyone. My diabetes is one of the things holding me back. I’ve never known how to or been good at telling people and I’ve never dealt with the judgement or ignorance that comes from telling someone very well. Where do I even start?? How do people date?
My suggestion is: don’t date. What I mean is, find something you’re interested in doing or learning and concentrate on that. Something you always wanted to do but thought you never could. Learn origami, join a book club, play trombone in a community band, go see that Hitchcock film festival or that silent film they show on Mondays (that’s Seattle–other cities may do it). The advantage of this approach is that you’re doing what YOU want to do and you’ll have fun. (Unless you’re playing trombone, nobody has fun doing THAT. Full disclosure–I’M a trombone player).
You can be yourself and if someone’s interested–you’ll find out. There is nothing more appealing than someone not giving a flying duck what anyone thinks as they do their own thing. The more specific and esoteric your interest is, the harder it is for someone to engage in it just to meet someone.
As for your D, disclose what you feel comfortable disclosing, but don’t hide it. Just be natural. This can be a good way to weed out people who are weirded out by it and avoid them. Very few people who don’t have Type 1 really understand what a pain and drain it is. I have a brother who is Type 1 and once I developed it some seven years ago, I realized that I really knew NOTHING about it until I’d had to test, inject, go high, go low and all the other stuff. You will also be able to gauge a person’s kindness and consideration in how they respond to what you DO tell them.
People interested in dating you would consider it a much smaller part of the total package than you do yourself I think. Sometimes this frustrates us when people we’d like to don’t understand what a big deal it all really is… Use that to your advantage when dating, just play it off like it’s not a big deal… Nobody wants their first impression of a date to be a big heart-to-heart about their problems and how serious they are;). If time goes on and you start getting close to someone then you may need to start considering how to help them understand what it all means to you…
If you can stand a little armchair psychology… I don’t know if there’s any actual studies on this but it’s quite apparent to me that people dx’d as teenagers or younger tend to have a very different attitude about the disease. Being dx’d while still in school, where there’s a huge amount of social anxiety and need to fit in even without this, it almost necessarily makes people a lot more cautious, private, and even secretive about it. I think it’s not at all uncommon to carry that anxiety on into one’s twenties and beyond. I think you might find that people your age now are a lot less freaked out about it. Of course there are always idiots out there, but I think you could ease off that concern a bit and just assume it’s going to be ok unless proven otherwise, and just let it come up naturally as something you have to deal with around eating. Especially these days where there are so many food intolerances around that restaurants put notes about it on their menus, it’s probably not going to be that big a shock. And if someone does react negatively, well, anyone that shallow isn’t someone worth wasting your time on anyway.
When I got back into dating 6 years ago, I opted to treat my diabetes like it was just a normal part of my life, like wearing eyeglasses or contacts. IOW, no big deal, nothing to see here, etc. Since I wasn’t freaking out about it, I saw no reason for my date to do so.
Of course, I also had my spiel down that gives the 50,000 foot view of diabetes.
If they could deal with the concept that we all have flaws and T1D is one of mine, then we can proceed to see if we wanted to continue dating.
Once things progressed, then a deeper discussion can be had. The date who eventually became my wife let me know after a few dates that she was scared of damaging my pump/hurting me. I addressed this by letting her pull out my infusion set, then showed her how quickly and easily I can insert a new one. That eased a lot of her concerns.
All the best to this next adventure in life.
Q. How do you make a trombone sound like a French Horn?
A. Put your hand in the bell and play all wrong notes.
I think this is a pragmatic and proven tactic. When people discover something about us that they don’t really understand, they do look to us for initial instruction as to what their position should be. Saying, “Yeah, I have diabetes and that means I need to take insulin before I eat and check my blood glucose levels once in while,” acknowledges the reality of diabetes and the fact that you’re dealing with it. It shows the other person that you’re not freaked out by it and it is something that can be managed in the whole scheme of things – a part of your life, yet does not provoke overall fear or insecurity. A “you got this” confidence should be the takeaway of your prospective love interest.
It’s a testament to how broad-minded and accepting this community is that you feel you can just come right out and say it. Certainly there are more debilitating conditions, but… I mean, at least with T1 there is a treatment, if not a cure. 
+1. Let’s not fail to acknowledge the courage this required.
Totally agree with Timbeak48, don’t focus on dating, focus on doing fun things and making friends. This is what ultimately makes people happy. By doing things that interest you and make you feel fulfilled, you will end up meeting people with similar values and interests, and who knows where that can lead in finding someone special. I met my first spouse through square dancing, and my current husband through community theatre. Check your local newspaper for volunteer activities, or through a religious organization if you have one. Giving of yourself boosts your self-esteem, allows you to get to know people gradually, and helps you start to get to know yourself better, since you have likely evolved since when you were married. As for diabetes, I’ve never really understood the purpose of keeping it a secret. I get it out there as soon as I get to know someone, because let’s face it, being strong enough to deal with a chronic disease is not for everyone, and I’d rather weed out early the people who can’t handle it, whether it’s friendship or romance. You have a disease that you didn’t ask for, and you are not defective. I feel like postponing that disclosure makes it seem like you are coming out of the closet somehow, as if you need to be ashamed of it. It’s part of you, so let that flag fly.
Or maybe you will meet someone because of diabetes. It could be your ‘advantage’.
If you’re not a trombone player (even worse–I’m a BASS trombone player) you really don’t understand what it’s like. Stealing your mom’s Pond’s Cold Cream (the original unscented–natch), re-listening over and over to George Roberts’ playing and that over-size French music that doesn’t fit in most music folders. The worst is when you get to a gig right on time and they’ve stapled your pages like you’re a CHOIR singer.
Personally I think trombone players get an unfair rap. It could be so much worse. It could be, for example, a bassoon . . .
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get away from the bassoon recital.
Or it could be the harmonica. “Play the harmonica, go to jail … it’s the law.”
well I guess we are no longer talking about dating, as much as I personally find this tangent amusing, as my father was a virtuoso on the harmonica as well as the musical saw, an acquired taste
AKKK now I’m doing it! someone please bring this back to dating - it’s a subject of interest to our members 
Well, I wasn’t diabetic the last time I was dating, so I don’t know how it would have gone . . .
I was really talking about Type 1. There is always a certain sense that those who don’t have Type 1 DON’T understand what it’s like. And it’s true. That’s why it’s sometimes better to come here or go to a T1 meeting or event than it is to dump my T1 experience on an acquaintance or on some guy or girl you just met. When your relationship goes deeper, then it’s more appropriate.
Though everything I mentioned about playing (bass) trombone is exaggerated, like all good satire–it’s totally true. That’s why The Colbert Report was so funny. That’s why All in the Family was so funny. Carol O’ Connor was not like Archie Bunker in the least, but everyone knew some blowhard like him. Good satire also requires a real specificity. The same type of attention to detail that a really good actor brings to a role.
The whole trombone thing was just code for expressing how totally uncool and nerdy we all are…and that’s OK. Normal is just a setting on the washing machine!
I have type 1 diabetes, wear a pump, and have bipolar disorder. All of this applied when I dated a girl 4 years ago. She never really asked about any of it. But I noticed where I hurt in the relationship was food. Her and her family ate a lot of food, so I did too, and put on about 40 lbs in a year. Once we broke up, I lost it all, eating my small diabetic portions of mainly meat. I’m not exactly sure how to do the food thing. As you know, non-diabetics can eat pasta, potatoes, bread, sweets, pizza, etc and not gain weight. But not us insulin takers, nope! I guess I could have worked out harder at the gym. This particular girl did not get upset about the pump, or at least she never told me she did. When the moment was right, I’d just disconnect it and we’d have our fun time. But keep in mind, one time I was in a car with a girl about to get to it and she saw my tubing, freaked out, and kicked me out of her car. About 6 girls total have stopped making out with me once they found out I wore a pump. One girl I was going to go on a date with, I texted her “I’m diabetic by the way” and she was like “oh” and then after that she didn’t want to go on a date with me. I guess she didn’t like diabetics. Sorry for the rant. I guess it’s 50 / 50 - some people (male or female) will accept all your baggage (pump, diabetes, bipolar pills), and others look for a little more perfection. I haven’t dated in 4 years, and I won’t try to even get with a girl until I lose 75 lbs. After that, I would be 155 lbs. and in great shape, and would probably go back to MDI, because MOST females are not fond of an insulin pump on a potential guy. I’ve even gone back to MDI for a few girls I’ve dated, and they weren’t happy about that set up either. I guess all the supplies makes it socially awkward and going out to eat is hard. It’s hard enough for just me to manage my own, much less bring someone I care about into it. If the pump wasn’t a turn off, for some sugar checking was. The only thing that keeps me going is that I know I didn’t ask for this disease, but by running everyday, lifting weights, eating low carb, and whatever else I can do, I can live a somewhat normal life. Diabetes is not something I advertise, and I hardly tell anyone I have it. If they find out, so be it. But for now I do not think I’ll date for a while. End of spill.
My daughter was diagnosis a just before her 24th birthday; she’s 25 now. Never dated and this now just adds another anxiety producing level in the equation. How can I as her mom help her and encourage her in this arena of dating?
By not letting her start thinking that it’s even a real consideration in that equation. Being young and dating is complicated enough. Diabetes is complicated enough, planting the seed in a young persons mind that there’s a lot of overlap between the two and that they make each other more complicated probably is not the best idea…