Diabetes, Dating and Marriage

Should 2 people with diabetes date and marry?I recently overheard a conversion in the waiting room at my endo’s office which first made me angry and then made me think. A teenage girl commented on how cute a boy was in the waiting room. The mother’s comment was, “Honey, this is not the place to pick up boys. The last thing you should do is marry another diabetic.”

It instantly made me angry, and I can’t quit explain why. Was she implying that someone with diabetes was less than worthy? I know the risk of children becoming diabetic is higher, but is that enough of a reason? No one understands better what it is like than another person with the disease. And there is no guarantee 2 people with no history, won’t have a child who develops diabetes. My parents had no history. Not to mention with diabetes quickly on the rise, soon it will be hard to find someone who’s family has not been touched by this illness.

But I think it made me upset, because it made me think about my own dating life. Will someone question whether or not to commit to me, because of all the possible complications associated with it or the constant working around shots or low blood sugars? I mean if you love someone, you love the whole person without exception I hope.

What do you think?

I have mixed feelings about this topic. Whether we like it or not D carries a lot of baggage with it and I don’t think that it is a NON issue. Hopefully, by the time Griffin (3) is old enough to marry D WILL be a non-issue. That’s my dream anyway…

Kirsten

I think I would be upset overhearing that, too. I guess partly because it seems somehow inappropriate to me to look at marriage like that. Where’s the guarantee anybody will be healthy forever? Where’s the guarantee anybody will not be diabetic forever? I didn’t get it until I was 27.

Then in some cases, it takes another diabetic to understand a diabetic.

I was diagnosed before I met my husband. He knew about it before we started dating, immediately started helping with shots once we got together, supported me going on a pump more than I could have hoped and has always been outraged when rude people tell me I shouldn’t have children because I am defective and will pass the defect on to him.

That said, I have no idea if he ever considered the big D when he started thinking about marriage and a family. If he did, he has never said anything to me about it.

I know that it runs in his family and that more likely than not, he will develop type 2 eventually. It never crossed my mind that if he did develop diabetes that would make us a bad match. I think if anything, he would be lucky to have someone who understands what a person with diabetes goes through. I don’t know…

I am also bothered by what you overheard in the waiting room. But I also know that there are guys out there that are supportive and awesome and will never think twice about the baggage that comes with diabetes. Because you are right; if you love someone, you love all of them, even the needle marks and pycho emotional low BG behavior. At least that’s what he tells me :slight_smile:

For the right mate, I dont think it matters - everyone has some kind of baggage. Some people have seizures, some sleep apnea, some heart problems, some arthritus, some crazy parents, some terrible childhoods and some diabetes.

I dated a diabetic, i found i worried more about him than me - it may have been taht particular guy.

I have 4 siblings - if one of our kids had to be diagnosed with diabetes,better my kid than theirs. Thankfully all the kids are diabetic free.

I hope no one has taken my post the wrong way. When I married my husband his mother was in her final years of life due to complications of D (T1), she died at age 53 in the early 90s. Most of you have not seen what I saw and hopefully, never will with all the advances that have been made in the past 30 years. So, I can’t say that it didn’t cross my mind that he or my potential children might develop D. I don’t regret my decision now that my husband is T2 and my toddler is T1, but I think it is something that deserves serious thought along with other “baggage.” My whole life now revolves around D and what I wish for most is that my son’s life will not have to.

Of course, what parent has any say over their child’s love life? :wink:

My husband knew about my diabetes from day one. And before I met him, I mentioned it to the guys I dated and none of them had a problem with it. Possibly because diabetes is so common in the African-American community, everyone usually knows someone who has “sugar.”

That being said, I would have been upset about what the mother told her daughter too. I mean, yes, diabetes does bring up things that have to be discussed and considered in a marriage. At the same time, there are so many other diseases that are difficult to manage or control, that a person can be afflicted with that could affect a union, just the same, or even more, than diabetes.

If you love someone, you love them without exception. I mean, God forbid, but what if the woman’s daughter married a non-diabetic and then he developed cancer or something? Or what if he had beaten cancer in the past? Should she not pursue a relationship based on the fact that it might come back?

Ok, I’m getting angry writing this, so I’m done. :slight_smile:

I think that everyone has issues that are hard to deal with. Diabetes is just something physical that you probably cant hide for long. But if you are dating someone they come with their own baggage and issues and complications. It just may not be diabetes. Dating someone with diabetes would be hard but to me it’s no harder than dating anyone else. And, yes, when you love someone you love the whole person.

Rainbow, while I did not have a problem with my husband, I found out later that my father-in-law basically thought my husband was marrying a woman who was going to drop dead any day from diabetes and that I was just a “medical liability” and would drain his son’s savings.

This was extrememly hurtful when I found this out and due to this and other issues that my husband and I went through that he felt the need to comment on, I no longer speak to my father-in-law. But, he’s in Ohio and I live in Texas, so it’s not hard. Not proud of it, but it hurts that someone thinks you are just a liability.

oh my gosh. i hope i’ll never have to experience that. i’m asian and family is a big deal to us. i’ve decided that in the future, should i date or marry any guy, him AND his family must be willing to accept diabetes as part of the package. no point dealing with a relationship which does not accept my diabetes as part of my person, i figure. i’m happily single and i don’t see myself losing that status for awhile, but it may happen and if so, love me, love my diabetes!

I think that if someone has an issue with my having diabetes, I don’t need them anyway. I haven’t dated a whole lot in my life, but I have never had any problems thus far. I don’t hide my diabetes and most people, friends and significant others, just know about it up front and look as it as another part of me.
I have a friend that allergic to sulfur drugs, one who has asthma, another who has high blood pressure. If we all spent our lives trying to improve our gene pool, we’d be alone forever.
I have personally decided that I don’t want to have biological children (although I won’t say never, cause then it will happen), but I do want to adopt. Diabetes is an issue with this decision, but not the final say. It’s just something I have thought about over the years and really like the idea of. I was adopted myself & I feel like I want to return the favor. :slight_smile:
You should marry for love and companionship, not for health reasons.

As with most of the other women who have posted on here, my entire dating life was with diabetes, and dating someone with or without diabetes was never an issue. I went to camp from 12-20, and was always hanging out with someone else who had it, and it wasn’t like I planned on marrying that guy, but it didn’t scare me away. My boyfriend found out about me the night we met, and he has hypoglycemia and it helps me so much that he actually gets it. The other guys I’ve dated didn’t really care to learn about anything, and as long as I was ok thats all that matterred. I’ve been lucky with the guys I dated.

I’m glad to see that I wasn’t alone in my reaction. I mean, health is promised to no one and love is a gift. That’s how I see it anyway.

I am having a hard enough time finding someone to spend the rest of my life with without excluding people based on their health, but I can see both sides. I would only see marrying a diabetic as an issue when it came to having children. There is a genetic component and I have lived with diabetes for most of my life, so I would have to take pause to think about the risks of any future children we might have. In the end I am sure love would win out, but I do agree with Kristen that it is not a non-issue.

I’d honestly prefer for it to not even be part of the equation. I dated another Type I fairly shortly after I was diagnosed, and it was pretty awful, but it was for reasons entirely unrelated to D. I’ve also encountered people who were resistant (even insultingly so) because of it – depressing, in a sense, but it makes for a good filter to bring that kind of bad side to light.

Thankfully, my current mate is completely accepting and understanding of the condition, and is trying to educate herself on it all since it has new relevance for her.

Hi. I’m Tony and I’m new around here. I was looking around some of the forums and this one caught my eye and I thought I’d comment. I’ve had diabetes for quite awhile now, I’m almost 33 and I’ve been a type 1 diabetic since I was 14, and I’m still single. When I was a teen, I really didn’t take care of myself like I should have and it has rendered me disabled with neropothy and I also deal with a slight case of cp also. Since I’ve became disabled it’s made me realize the importance of keeping myself healthy. It’s also made me realize that we, as a society in whole, have a problem with how we look at ourselves and in most cases we all take our health for granted. I’ve especially seen this in the younger generation(keep in mind I’m 32 so I’m talking about anyone who is a teenager or younger) and those wrapped up in this technological age. We all live in a super-size me world and have an attitude of “I want it done quick and done yesterday!” Anyway, what does this have to do with dating? I’ve noticed, even with “generally healthy” people, they aren’t as sympathetic and understanding as someone who has ANY kind of health problem, and they are more sympathetic with the person if they are a doctor, nurse, health specialist, suffer with the same problem, or have a friend/family/pet who has or is suffering with the same issue. I’ve found it hard for a non diabetic person to even try to understand what I’m going through and it’s really hard when your at supper with someone and you have someone who thinks that your hypocritical when you just had a piece of chocolate cake for dessert and all they want to say is “a diabetic can’t have sugar” when we all know that you can in moderation and you get enough insulin to cover your carbs.
What I’m pretty much trying to say is that when it comes to dating, something I don’t do alot of, I really try to find someone who will be sympathetic and understanding and honestly if they are a nurse, doctor, health practitioner, aerobics instructor, or if they have type 1 or 2 diabetes than all the more to them!

My son is still a toddler, so I don’t even want to think about dating but now I have, thanx lol. If anything, it’d be nice for him to fall in love with a woman (or man heck I’m open to anything) with D so she’d get it. I worry about what his life is going to be like when he’s out of my nest. I worry if anyone will understand what his life is like, if he’ll be shunned (he already has been by a few older kids because of D), and most of all I want him to be happy-so if that partner is someone with D it’s all good. Sure their kids would be at higher risk for D, but my hubby and I don’t have D and he still has it. That’d be a decision they would have to think long and hard about, but at least they’d know the signs and not rush a kid into the e.r. with DKA when it’s almost too late :wink:

Chloe,
hearing a comment like this would have made me a bit angry, too. What kind of message is the mom sending her daughter? That having diabetes makes you “damaged goods”? Sounds like the mother feels as though it’s an inconvenience…too much work. Sheesh, i would have had a hard time holding my tongue in that waiting room, let me tell ya!
When my husband and I were on Pre-Cana (a preparation weekend to get ready for marriage through our church) our priest gave a talk that I will never forget.
He offered us a choice…if you knew that on a specific date in the future, that your husband/wife would be in an accident and lost the use of their limbs, could not work, could not make love, needed constant care from you always…would you still marry them, or walk away?
Of course, everyone said they would stay, but you could SEE it made people extremely thoughtful, and the silence in the room after that was palpable.
So love will always be …but love without strings attached is a rare gift. My only hope is that someone will love my son with no strings attached. Pump tubing is okay. :wink:

Here is an article that I recently published on dLife.com titled “Diabetes and Your Partner”: http://www.dlife.com/dLife/do/ShowContent/daily_living/Viewpoints/manny_032608.html

Thought this was relevant in the context of this topic.

I think it was an uninformed comment. Having two parents with diabetes does not necessarily mean that you will definitely pass diabetes on to any children that may happen as a result.

As far as dealing with the complications…my husband has absolutely no problem with my disease and everything that comes along with it. He is actually striving to learn more about type one and what he can do to help me. In the past, though, I have had guys shy away from me because of the diabetes.

I think basically, that anyone worth having in your life would accept the whole package. If someone doesn’t want to be with you because of a disease you don’t have then that’s their damage. :wink: Or at least, that is my stance on the issue.