hehehehe
Diabetic jokes
Marps
#24
āYouāre hypo. Iām naked and have ice cream all over meā¦ what are you waiting for?ā
Marps
#25
A woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a
diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a
day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time
I see you, youāll have lost at least five pounds."
When the woman returns, sheās lost nearly 20 pounds.
āWhy, thatās amazing!ā the doctor says. āDid you follow my
instructions?ā The woman nods. āIāll tell you, though, I
thought I was going to drop dead that third day.ā
āFrom hunger, you mean?ā asked the doctor.
āNo, from skipping.ā
tmana
#26
Hmm. Iādāve thought it would have been āIāve got your numberā or āLetās strip togetherā.
Marps
#27
Vigorous activity is very good for diabetics. If stomping on a chocolate cake makes you feel better, thatās fine
Marps
#29
*Enjoy the giddy feeling of living dangerously ALL THE TIME: āBungee jumping? A walking tour in Zaire? PAH! I have DIABETES!ā
Marps
#30
"We are so dependent on computers and technology, you guys, that I think in our lifetimes, we are going to have to go to the ATM for the doctor. You know? You swipe your insurance card, you swipe your debit card, you stick your finger in for pulse readings.ā
THANK YOU FOR USING THE AUTOMATED DOCTOR. PLEASE ENTER THE SYMPTOMS YOU THINK YOU HAVE.ā
"Ok. Um, Iāve got blurred vision, I canāt see out of my right eye, and I have fainting spells."
THANK YOU. THE AUTOMATED DOCTOR HAS LOOKED AT YOUR SYMPTOMS AND DETERMINED THAT YOU EITHER HAVE GLAUCOMA OR DIABETES. PLEASE PRESS ONE IF YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE GLAUCOMA. PLEASE PRESS TWO IF YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE DIABETES.
[shocked expression]
YOU HAVE CHOSEN DIABETESā¦ YOU DO NOT HAVE THE FUNDS FOR DIABETES. PLEASE PRESS ONE IF YOU NOW BELIEVE YOU HAVE GLAUCOMA.
āThis system doesnāt work at all. My receipt says that I have skavies and kennel cough. wtf?ā
-Kristin Linder http://www.chickcomedy.com/videos/41/ATM-Doctor
Marps
#31
Okay, okay, okay Terrie8. Here is one that i DID make upā¦ tho itās still just a play on words:
[sing to the song from Mary Poppins]
āJust a shotful of insulin helps the sugar go down, sugar go down, sugar go downā¦ā
Tom_Goffe
#32
From Rodney Dangerfieldā¦
āThe other day my doctor told me I had sugar in my urine. I couldnāt wait to go home and pee in my cornflakes.ā
The day I was diagnosed I couldnāt think of much reaction to the news, so I told this to my new endocrinologist. She laughed, disappeared and after returning, I heard laughs all through out the office.
Terry_Keelan
#35
How many diabetics does it take to change a lightbub?
None. Diabetics donāt let the lightbulb burn out.
Terry_Keelan
#36
How can you tell thereās a diabetic in your refrigerator?
There are test strips in the butter dish.
Terry_Keelan
#37
How many diabetics does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. Diabetics take responsibility for their own lightbulb management.