That one was awesome
My current insurance policy.
Yeah, thats the joke.
“You’re hypo. I’m naked and have ice cream all over me… what are you waiting for?”
A woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a
diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a
day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time
I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds."
When the woman returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my
instructions?” The woman nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I
thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.
“No, from skipping.”
Hmm. I’d’ve thought it would have been “I’ve got your number” or “Let’s strip together”.
Vigorous activity is very good for diabetics. If stomping on a chocolate cake makes you feel better, that’s fine
Who wants a fully functional pancreas anyway? It’s so common.
*Enjoy the giddy feeling of living dangerously ALL THE TIME: “Bungee jumping? A walking tour in Zaire? PAH! I have DIABETES!”
"We are so dependent on computers and technology, you guys, that I think in our lifetimes, we are going to have to go to the ATM for the doctor. You know? You swipe your insurance card, you swipe your debit card, you stick your finger in for pulse readings.“
THANK YOU FOR USING THE AUTOMATED DOCTOR. PLEASE ENTER THE SYMPTOMS YOU THINK YOU HAVE.”
"Ok. Um, I’ve got blurred vision, I can’t see out of my right eye, and I have fainting spells."
THANK YOU. THE AUTOMATED DOCTOR HAS LOOKED AT YOUR SYMPTOMS AND DETERMINED THAT YOU EITHER HAVE GLAUCOMA OR DIABETES. PLEASE PRESS ONE IF YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE GLAUCOMA. PLEASE PRESS TWO IF YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE DIABETES.
YOU HAVE CHOSEN DIABETES… YOU DO NOT HAVE THE FUNDS FOR DIABETES. PLEASE PRESS ONE IF YOU NOW BELIEVE YOU HAVE GLAUCOMA.
“This system doesn’t work at all. My receipt says that I have skavies and kennel cough. wtf?”
-Kristin Linder http://www.chickcomedy.com/videos/41/ATM-Doctor
Okay, okay, okay Terrie8. Here is one that i DID make up… tho it’s still just a play on words:
[sing to the song from Mary Poppins]
“Just a shotful of insulin helps the sugar go down, sugar go down, sugar go down…”
From Rodney Dangerfield…
“The other day my doctor told me I had sugar in my urine. I couldn’t wait to go home and pee in my cornflakes.”
The day I was diagnosed I couldn’t think of much reaction to the news, so I told this to my new endocrinologist. She laughed, disappeared and after returning, I heard laughs all through out the office.
How many diabetics does it take to change a lightbub?
None. Diabetics don’t let the lightbulb burn out.
How can you tell there’s a diabetic in your refrigerator?
There are test strips in the butter dish.
How many diabetics does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. Diabetics take responsibility for their own lightbulb management.
What city has the most diabetics per capita?
omg I keep my insulin stored in the butter compartment in the refrigerator. hahahaha.
What is the favorite singing group of diabetics?