Diabetic jokes


#41

A diabetic dies and goes to heaven. (Naturally.)

“Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter.

“Thank you,” says the diabetic. “It’s about time. What took you so long?”

“What do you mean what took us so long?” asks St. Peter.

“I mean I’m 360 years old! What took you so long?”

“360? That’s impossible!” says St. Peter. “According to our records, you’re only 82.”

“Yeah? Check again,” answers the diabetic.

St. Peter punches some keys on his keyboard, furrows his brow, then brightens.

“You’re right,” he says. “I see what happened. We calculated your age based on the number of times you changed lancets.”


#42

hahaha. I RARELY change lancets. It’s so bad. and gross if you get me thinking about it.
dammit! Now I have to change it because you’ve grossed me out! Thanks Terry!


#43

Ooh, ooh! I just thought of one!

I like to do the diabetes limbo: How low can you go?


#44

HIGH-larious!!


#45

none, they’ll just use their pump light


#46

OUCH
Nice!


#47

Insulin, strips, pump batteries… They’d go good on a slice of toast, but be careful spreading them…


#48

Loved this one!!! You rock Marps!


#49

Delightfully funny! LOL


#50

No way Betty J… cough one up … COME ON…>: D.

What ever you come up with can’t possibly be any worse than the one I opened the thread with. Share one…

Stuart


#51

Found this on a website…

An Italian, a German and a Frenchman went hiking. The Italian says “I am tired and thirsty, I must have a glass of Chianti”. The German says “I am tired and thirsty, I must have a glass of beer”. The Frenchman says “I am tired and thirsty, I must have diabetes.”


#52

Hahhahaha I love this one seriously…

A young man wearing a cowboy hat, jeans and a beat up pair of boots shows up a support group for diabetic women. The ladies take note of his presence, but don’t ask him to leave. Everyone goes around taking turns talking about when they were diagnosed what type they are and any tips they have for the newcomers for staying strong in the face of this disease. Finally one of the women’s curiosity gets the best of her and she speaks to the young man.
“Young man, do you realize that you are at a Support Group for Diabetic Women?”
“Yes ma’am I do” he responds politely tipping his hat.
“Do you mind if I ask why you are here?”
“Well ma’am, I just moved here to the city and my momma told me that I should make sure to settle down and find myself a real sweet woman. Way I figure it, there are lots of sweet women here.”


#53

LOL delightful Osob!


#54

Sorry Stuart. I can appreciate jokes but when I hear one can’t repeat them. I’ve never been a joke teller…sorry.


#55

oh that’s wicked cute.
My fiance calls me “Sugar” and it just cracks me up. I don’t think it’s intentional for him to call me that, but I think it’s the most adorable thing.


#56

Puns… gotta love em! More jokes, MORE, MORE!!!

Stuart


#57

LOL…I like that =)


#58

this was in a book a read:
the patient was told he would have to start injecting insulin, the doc brought out the orange,vial,needle for him to test on. The doc showed him how to inject on the orange, “see it’s easy”. A couple weeks later the patient came back, the doc looked at this high readings it asked him if he was injecting? He said “yeah i inject the orange with insulin and then eat it, and just so you know i’m getting tired of eating oranges.” har har har

A women was driving her car to the mall to get her friend a present when a low came on, but she didn’t notice. Next thing she knows she wakes up in the hospital, she asked her husband what happened? He said they found a recipt in your purse for a banana hangar. But she had no recollection of going in the store and wasn’t even aware banana hangars existed

Splenda sales are up because Chuck norris has no equal

Why did the diabetic cross the road?
to stumble to the other side to fix his low at the bakery (i made this one up ha)


#59

Some language in this picture, but… I think we’ve all been there, and it cracks me up every time I have a high or a low:

http://www.diabetesmine.com/images/2007/12/21/shh_meter_2.jpg


#60

Amen.