Did some of your friendships change after diagnosis of your children?

I suppose this may not matter whether your child is older or younger. We’re really still all adjusting to having diabetes in our lives a year after my son being diagnosed. My closest friends I feel just don’t really “get it” - how we think about diabetes so much - how it affects my son’s life so much every day. Like today, my son left to to be gone for 24 hours. After being gone 45 minutes he texted me totally frustrated… his insulin pump was running out of insulin. He was going to have to turn around from heading north and return to put in another vile of insulin. He texted “I hate diabetes”. A few days before that we sat and discussed life insurance, medical insurance, jobs out of college, etc… My friends just don’t get it - and that’s okay - it’s just that I feel like diabetes has changed those friendships for me. Does that make sense? Has anyone else felt this way? It’s sad in a way - like I’m needing new friends who have a feeling for what this diabetes way of life is like.

I know just what you mean! We have always been really close with our neighbors, and although they ask us questions, and are generally concerned, they lose interest in the details of my conversations. They ask what I am up to lately, so I am honest, and it all just sorta pours out. I can tell they think we are just way too consumed. I told them my days are spent chasing numbers 24/7 and with 2 new pumps in our house, that about sums it up. We have met some families through our local JDRF, and I feel better spending time with them than with friends we have been so close to for years. It is really sad, and I don’t quite know why I feel this way. I guess we feel so alienated with a new diagnosis, that nothing feels the same as it did before anyway. Time will heal I suppose.

Yes, this has happened to me. When my best friend, a nurse, waved a cupcake around my kid on the 4th of July, I just felt so very very lonely.

I know exactly what you mean… “They just don’t get it!” They seems to think that I am making a much bigger deal that it’s worth.
I am double-frustrated with most people’s ignorance because I also have another child with the deadly nut allergies, so between counting carbs and readign labels, everyone around me think I am coo-coo :slight_smile:
I have much easier time being around fellow D parents!
I think the biggest shock I got was when I was heading out to get a pump training and hook up to the pump, and as I am walking out of the house, I made a comment (happy and excided, by the way) to my next door neighbor, and her reply was: “I am so sorry…” Talk about bursting my bubble.

I just moved far away from home, so I haven’t made any new friends. I keep in contact with the old ones, but they are a bit distant after hearing about my sons diagnosis-except for one-she had to “one up” his diagnosis (I think she has munchausens or something) by her daughter breaking her freaking leg-big woopdeedoo. I do belong to a due date club since my son was born (a private message board) and they are very supportive of us, they even sent him gifts when he came home from the hospital!

one of my best friends grins and tells people how she was over at our house for one of sam’s “little emergencies” (his bg was 2.1!!!) and tells how i overreacted and made him sit out from playing with his friends until his bg was normal again. all this with a sly smile, like she is humoring me!
she also referred to her daughter’s afterbite (which she brings with her everywhere, because otherwise she will scratch her mosquitos bites) as her "insulin."
i wanted to scream, will she die if she doesn’t have her afterbite!!! or will she just be a little itchy.
i am so frustrated by this attitude. she also offers tonnes of sugary snacks everytime we are there and tells me to lighten up after i only allow him one cookie or half a granola bar and then say no to a sucker and a juicebox!!!
she’s not the only one, it just bothers me more, because she is such a close friend…

I am so lucky that I have a friend that lives 5 miles away that I met on CWD. She is great and she even knows about Celiac. Then I have my “other” friends that are good for the “other” rants!

A few years ago, before we started homeschooling, Westin’s principal was questioning, “Why does he need a shot when he is high today when we didn’t give him a shot yesterday?” He wanted to “understand” Westin’s diabetes. My response, “Have him move in with us for about 2 years and he might start to understand it!”

People don’t get it! My friend that I spoke of at the beginning, she has “regular” friends that get it, but I think that is the exception to the rule.

Find a mom that is dealing with this and it will change your life! :slight_smile:

Yes I can relate to friends, (well so called friends) before and after diagnoses.
I am extremely hurt by most of mine, they dont want to really know and use
my daughter diabetes as an excuse not to have her around anymore to play unless I
am there, which is fine, I would want to be there for her but very close friends I thought
might take an interest in still having her around on occasion and just ringing me with her
sugar levels, she is 5 and does her own bg’s but just needs help to intererate figures which
I would do by a phone call, my daughter notices that she no longer goes alone.
They feel like I am too ‘into’ diabetes and I feel this is exaggerated by the fact my husband does
very little, so it falls to me nearly all the time. I felt my very few very close friends may have been
more supportive as I live about 14,000 miles away from my family and my husband’s family are all
passed on, so its just ourselves… my little rant, thanx

We found out who our friends were! The people who supported us and encouraged us. My Sister-in-law said “at least it’s treatable” to me on the phone while we were at the hospital just hours after being admitted!!! My brother and sister in law have been very supportive and she admitted that she didn’t realize what it was like until she spent a weekend with us at our cabin and she saw the routine. (that was when she was still on shots) No one can truely understand until it’s there child or themselves. Every family holiday is tricky and not every label gets saved. You are not alone! I understand you and the challenges you face and it’s sad that friendships dissapoint! I hope it gets better - for both of us!

reading this over just made me want to share some more:)

like how some of our friends, after having been around for a low or a high ask, ‘so are sam’s sugars levelled out now?’ i’ve started smiling and saying yes, because that’s all they want to hear. how many more times can i say, no, they are not ‘levelled out,’ and they never will be, there is no end in sight, this is just our life now…

i’m not always so negative, but it’s just so frustrating. i know some people will say that these are great opportunities for educating people, but how many times should i have to ‘educate’ my close friends?

I have been very surprised to find out where our support has come from and who hasn’t given it. My daughter was diagnosed last October at 3. We have to drive almost two hours to get to the closest Children’s Hospital. I sent out an email while there to some of my girlfriends to let them know what was going on and to ask for support. My best friend from high school’s response? “Thanks for sharing. What has this taught you about our health care system?” I had no idea what to say to that.

We were accepted into an Omnipod study in December at the very end of the study window. We were very grateful for the spot so we didn’t complain for the weekly trips to children’s and the missed work and the stress it created to get caught up and on the pod. This same friend leaves me this pathetic message about how hard her life is, how hard it is to be a working mom (she has a full-time babysitter on the weekends too), and she just didn’t know if she could get her Christmas cards out. That’s right. She was in tears over Christmas cards.

I had no idea how to respond. Again, no questions about my daughter’s health. All I could think was ‘You only have one child and she is healthy. Try my life for a day and you would have a nervous breakdown.’ I never returned the call. I was raised to believe ‘If you can’t say something nice…’ and I definitely couldn’t say anything nice! ::Ends rant::

I know what you mean. My son was diagnosed 2 years March 19th. Those who I had thought were my closest friends I kind of pulled apart from. I needed a larger support system. I need people to care what I am doing to do my part to get the cure. I found some people just think okay you give him insulin and life is a go. Family was so concerned in the beginning and they were going to be there, My sister in law was going to watch my son when he was first diagnosed and take him on a 3 hour 1 way car trip and then back and did not understand why I said no. She always says she is going to learn how to do his pump to watch him sometimes…umm still waiting. Not 1 of my friends has offered to learn to help out even my so called wanna be best friends. thats my rant.

Janet, we also experienced the same…my son was diagnosed 3 years ago and my in-laws still do not know how to care for him nor do they want to learn. They are scared of any emergencies while at their care. My father-in-law refuses to learn or to have Ryan around him without one of us. My mother learned at the beginning and was a great support then, but now things are different….I think it is overwhelming for her now….and what can I say about my friends….they are gone with the wind….they are all afraid of being around Ryan…it is very painful and I tried not to think about that, but we are almost isolated….I can’t talk about my concerns with any of my friends or family members because it is too much for them to handle and in return they feel sorry for me which is not what I need….

I think diabetes could be scary for many people and it is a big responsibility as well…people don’t like responsibilities….

Been there as well!
But instead of focusing on the friends that “just dont get it”, i found that i had many persons around me that just stepped up to it and said; “tell me what to do, how to think and how i can help.I dont know anything about diabetes, but im willing to learn so just tell me how and why”.

Nowadays those reliabel persons are my newest and best friends and my son trust them since he knows that there isn´t a thing they wouldnt do to take good care of him and make him feel better. They treat him just like before, but with a higher sence of understanding since after the first time they saw him become very low in his bloodsugar and what that did to him.

In my practice,children who are diagnosed with diabetes hide it from their school mates and teachers fearing that they will be treated differently,and once anybody knows,some will change their attitude but people get used to any thing and with time attitude change to positive one

My son is 11, 3 years since diagnosis. It is a pain sometimes. I am always instilling the idea to him that he has diabetes, but diabetes doesn’t have him. Yes, pumps can mess up, batteries dies, the tube gets cinched, or we discovered it wasn’t in his skin once (my fault). Wife and I just talked about college, jobs health insurance etc. I guess my advice on this is we have a few close friends who are empathetic, but we don’t expect everyone to have to be involved and feeling about diabetes and talking about it. …otherwise it becomes like “Diabetes has you”.

Boy have I gone through this!!! I have two children. Isabelle is now 4 (dx at 3) and a 2 year old. I’m a stay at home Mom and although we have relatives within an hour of us neither of them are interested in learning how to take care of Isabelle so that they can take the kids for a couple of hours.

Most of my friends at the beginning were very supportive. They asked questions, but I could tell after about 5 minutes of me trying to explain this disease and what it entails, their eyes glaze over. I sometimes feel like they don’t really want to be around us that much anymore because they feel guilty for feeling glad that it is not their children. I try not to blame them, but where I used to have lots of mommy friends now I am down to 2 or 3. I have only had 2 of my mommy friends offer to watch BOTH my children so that I can get out for an hour or two. It makes life much harder.

I have recently gotten involved in my JDRF and that has changed my life. I have also found another mom who has a child with d and that has been a godsend! If you haven’t found another parent who is dealing with d please do. It will help you immensly.

When my son was first diagnosed which was only two weeks ago my husband’s best friend did not seem to be too interested in hearing anything about diabetes. He actually ignored my husband while my husband was explaining something. Rude I think. But his friend is rude in many other ways too. More self-centered I think.

Most people do not realize how much Diabetes affects your life. They just think that your child will miss out on birthday parties. I hope my son is not excluded from any parties.