I know this is more a rant then a discussion. Well, it has been about two years since I was diagnosed so for a year and a bit I was really “good” watched my diet and worked out everyday. I did cheat but, that was on special occasions
At this time I am getting back into the groove of things once again. I have pretty supportive friends. But, I was having a day yesterday and I was talking good friend about some issues with her and she responded by saying “It’s been like two years…just get over it!..You are just stuck on a diet for the rest of your life.” Needless to say that didn’t help.
Does anyone find it difficult to talk to your friends about your diabetes?
Carly, I cannot even tell you how much I understand what you’re saying. I was diagnosed last April and I do have a bunch of supportive friends, but I actually have a lot of unsupportive ones too… Through the grapevine I heard about this conversation that happened between my friends:
Friend 1: What are we doing this weekend? Want to go to ______ (insert restaurant name here)?
Friend 2: No, we can’t because Sophie can’t eat there. Let’s choose something else.
Friend 1: I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF THIS DIABETES THING. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE DIABETES SINCE I HAVE TO SUFFER SO MUCH FROM IT.
Friends 2 & 3 then apparently really stood up for me and put Friend 1 in her place.
But here’s the thing, when I heard about this through the grapevine I cannot even tell you how hysterical I was. It honestly felt worse than having my heart broken. It did break my heart. The thing is, that this is not the only time she has said nasty things about my diabetes. She also offers me sweets and I say, “No thank you.” And she says, “Come on, why don’t you think about it? You’ll like it!” And I think, “I already know I like it. But you’re not helping.”
Basically I don’t consider her my friend anymore. Her presence is toxic and as soon as I can stop spending time around her, I will. Unfortunately, since I’m in college and she’s in “my circle of friends” - this has been difficult. But I’ll never forget how she made me feel. On the positive side, what I did take from hearing about that conversation is that Friends 2 & 3 are really great friends and I should be thankful for having them to look out for me.
So, yeah, that was a really long winded response to your question! I totally know how you feel!
You know, I make a point to really let my friends know what Diabetes is LIKE. Not just the facts, not just the textbook stuff, I make sure they understand what it means for me every single day. And because they understand how much time and energy I put into it, they respect me when I need to rant, rave, and be pissed off about being Diabetic. THey might not understant exactly how I feel, but they understand why I get exhausted…
I think letting your close friends know how much effort you put into it every day might make them understand a little bit better. And also, letting them know that yo’ve got this for life, not for a few years, not for a little while, you’ve got it for good, and that being negative isnt going to help much…
Ugh, I totally know what you’re going through. All of my friends know that I’m a diabetic, but absolutely no one gets how much it affects my life. Truth be told, that’s probably my fault. I don’t really like to talk about it a lot to people who don’t have it because I get frustrated when I try to explain what it entails. My roommate has probably heard the most about it out of all my friends and she still doesn’t get the concept that carbs are sugar. It’s completely beyond her that I have to dose the same for a bowl of oatmeal as I do for a Snickers bar. It doesn’t help that she’s the worst eater I’ve ever encountered. I know that she’s not a diabetic and it’s not fair for me to expect that she eats the same as I need to, but it’s so hard when she’s ordering pizza and baking brownies every other day. I’m awesome at not buying junk food, but it’s a lot harder for me to resist when it’s sitting there in front of me saying, “Eat me, eat me.”
I like this site so much because I can talk and get feedback from those who are coming from the same place. My friend’s brother was in the hospital the other day to have his thyroid removed. They tested his blood sugar twice and it was 190 and 240. I’m not clear on whether or not they were fasting numbers or not, but my instant reaction was, “I’ll know someone else with diabetes!” It took me a half a second to realize how incredibly selfish that thought was, but I’d still like to have people in my life who go through the same thing. And it would be beneficial for him if he has the misfortune of being diabetic to know someone who has gone through it as well. I know it’s a terrible thought and I wouldn’t wish this disease on my worst enemies, but how much easier would it be if everyone was diabetic?
I just wanted to say Thanks! I am not the only one! It feels like that sometimes.
We all ended up going out for dinner and lunch this weekend. Things were better. But, now one of friends has turned into the food police.“You can’t have sugar!” Aaa…it is ok. She understands…I think she was just worried about me. It was high around 16.8 before any food. =(
One scary thing…I checked my friend’s( the one in question) BG before our dinner on Friday night and it was 9.4! Now, I am not a doctor but, I know that is not good.
Before I ramble on any longer I just wanted to say Thanks for sharing your own personal stories! It really helped me! Thanks again!
Honestly, no one will understand quite like we do BECAUSE they dont have it. Ive found i have supportive friends, yes, but in the end you really just have to fully support yourself. alot of my friends dont take the time to learn about it… which sucks but i am lucky to have a diabetic best friend, who although doesnt live in the same city as me, is still one of my best friends to this day.
and i too am trying to get back on the right track… friends REALLY dont understand that…
Here’s a quick update. My friend (in question) has now jumped on some type of health wagon and is trying to bring me along. Out of nowhere she is listing off all the things I should be doing to help me with my health problem. “Take my Meds, Test my Blood, eat right”…and that so on.
It might have also been the fact that this weekend when my BG was over 15 and we hadn’t even eaten dinner yet kinda freaked my other( more understanding) friend out. Maybe she talked with her. Whatever happened…she seems to be at least more supportive.
I totally agree (hi I’m new btw :D)
I’ve been diabetic for ten years and kept the same friends and as much as I love them all - they really have no clue.
I hate to be a mean horrible person and I’m gonna kinda rephrase what someone else said earlier cos I’m kinda glad about what happened but my friend recently had a hypo (not diabetes releated) and she turned to me and said “is that how you feel every time you get low?” I replied yeah and she was shocked - she said she didn’t know how I did it?!?!
being so used to hypos I kinda brush it off now but tbh I’m glad someone has a clue.
they did try but i downplayed my diabetes so much that they think nothing of it - I think they assume that it’s treatable therefore cureable… if only
Sorry…but this problem has come again…but it is more like a YOU NEED HELP talk. This happened to me last night. I have already had these same friends and family gather around me and tell me that they are here to support me. What I really don’t need is another mother or a food nag.
The whole going out to eat thing is also becoming a problem…I am looked at as an outcast. We can’t eat this because…or I can come but I am being approved or disapproved of my food choices. Aaa…Friends.!
Sorry this was more of a rant/vent.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with a "friend"like that! This is a great story about the frustrations young women with diabetes face. I am writing a book about diabetes and women and would love to interview you for it if you are willing…let me know, I look forward to talking with you.
this is a great conversation and I hope it doesn’t seem like I am trying to horn in on you…I’m following this discussion b/c I am writing a book about women with diabetes, a guide book of sorts, and I am looking for some young women to interview for my “Managing Adolescence” chapter. I’m emailing questions on topics such as: driving, dating, eating, friendships, drinking, and independence etc. If any of you are interested in being interviewed and sharing your story, please let me know.
Thanks so much,
maybe talk about gossip and other things
I hear you Carly. Your friends have no idea what it is like. I rarely talk about my illness with my friends. Some of them are actually interested in what I've had to go through, but for the most part I think they are uncomfortable because they don't understand the disease. Most of my friends found out I had diabetes my accident. They would ask what my pump was....how it worked and what it was like. I get a lot of respect from my friends because I don't let diabetes govern my life. It's just part of who I am and think overall it has contributed to my healthy outlook on life.
Supportive friends are great! I am starting to really realize even more since starting this discussion. I may not be in the best place right now..but once I start down the right path again I have friends that will be ready make a positive difference. =) ( Hopefully without driving me crazy...)
I second this whole comment. It really does get hard to explain and then they still don't understand even though you've put as simply as possible. You use analogies and everything and they still don't get it. And even if they do they don't want to hear about it all the time. I was in a serious relationship when I was diagnosed and even that person got sick of hearing about it. If you're always fighting to keep things under control it becomes old news. No one wants to hear about the same thing over and over and over. But then we don't talk about it so if there's anything going on people don't understand what the big deal is. It's a vicious cycle.
My best friend's whole family is diabetic (type 1s and type 2s) so he understands more than most but when I'm rushing him to get someplace because I know if we keep lollygagging it's going to be too late and I'm going to get low he still doesn't step on it. The only way to understand is to BE diabetic.
And I don't blame you for one second for that thought about your friend's brother. I didn't realize how amazing it would be to know someone else in the same boat until I randomly ended up with a type 1 diabetic sitting in the cubicle right next to me in a new job. It was amazing. I just joined this site today and I can already tell that as long as this is here for me it won't matter nearly as much that my friends/family don't understand. I can always vent to you guys and get what I was looking for all along, camaraderie ;)
Yeah. That's a lot of the reason I've reached out online to find other diabetics to talk to. I actually have a few sites that I have diabetic groups I belong to including facebook.
Thanks. I am finding that online support right now is really helping me. =)