Yes, I always eat with my spouse. At least, I do so long as we’re together and it’s possible. We only eat out once or twice a year, though. We’re homesteaders, and “farm to table” is a massive part of our lifestyle. Food is one of my love languages and definitely part of my social dynamic. Preparing delicious, nutritious food and sharing in that joy is a way for me to care for loved ones and demonstrate my love. If someone told me “you can just watch me eat”, that would be heart-breaking! Frankly, it would highlight our incompatibility… Unless of course, we could discuss it and find a compromise.
We’ve been doing a lot of elimination diet and food testing since last year. We’ve discovered that gluten is (thankfully???) an issue for both of us, but I have other limitations that he doesn’t. I don’t actually restrict carbs a lot, so that’s not one of them, though we both agree to eat them in moderation. I’m outright allergic to chocolate and tomatoes, and sensitive to all other nightshades. And it’s really hard to avoid nightshades!! Potatoes, tomatoes, bell peppers, chile peppers, paprika (which is in EVERYTHING), eggplant, golden berries, goji berries, etc … He’s in this with me, though, and eats what I do. I compensate by keeping the menu exciting, whine sticking to my requirements, and he gets to make requests and approve the menu before shopping, so everyone is happy. I do stock chocolate chips and Nutella in the house, so he’s not completely denied chocolate if he wants it. I’m also not jealous of him indulging in those treats, but rather happy to give him these little bits so that I know he’s not suffering in my restrictions.
Your SO isn’t the only one who has to compromise, though. You might have to get creative in finding something that works. We never stop learning about our diabetes, and what works and what doesn’t. Your style of management can and WILL change over the years. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to test new food waters that better align with your partner’s. Maybe you eat out together, but you choose a healthy option and only eat part of it at that time. You can snack on the leftovers for your surplus meals. You can also share some of the more decadent things you REALLY miss. Sometimes just a taste will do. A quarter of a greasy, carby cheeseburger probably won’t ruin your control, but will still give you that sense of indulgence along with your plate of grilled veggies. (Note, beware of “shared plate” up charges at restaurants. Most restaurants will charge you for taking up valuable space, unless you order something for yourself as well.)
I do think then refusing to eat earlier is selfish. Unless there’s a good reason for it, which you haven’t told us.
It may very well turn out that how your partner responds to your new diagnosis is a deal-breaker… and that’s okay! Don’t mistake the time investment thus far as incentive to push through an obvious incompatibility. This is kind of the entire point of dating. It’s not just about initial attraction, but discovering how well your lifestyles and personalities mesh, and how well you can work through challenges and changes. You’ve had a BIG challenge thrown at you, and it seems like you’ve risen to it and discovered a way to make it work for you. Now it’s time to see if your significant other can also adapt to this, if you can find a compromise, and if you both are even willing to work this out.