So when I meet people, I tell them I’m diabetic right away, but they generally avoid the topic. They assume that I’m okay and that I’ve got a handle on it–I mean, I look normal.
Then it happens–the event that makes them realize the seriousness of this disease–and I can’t help but wonder if they still want to be my friends.
Tonight, some friends I’ve only recently begun hanging out with invited me to the corn maze. I brought low supplies, tested before I went in, but still got low. Really low. I ate all my low supplies, but my bloodsugar kept dropping. A kind stranger gave me candy, and we cut through the maze to get to the end. I’m okay (actually a bit high now) but I feel so guilty. I tried so hard to prevent that very situation from happening, yet it did, and I had to rely on friends and strangers.
Now, of course, I wonder if they will still want to spend time with me. I wouldn’t blame them if they stopped calling, after all I ruined their evening. But it makes me sad because they are nice people, and I really enjoy spending time with them.
It’s the same thing with dating too. All the guys I’ve dated get to a point with my diabetes, then they can’t handle it, whether it’s the low scares or the high mood swings (or thinking that I’m faking it, which is the worst).
Sometimes I just want to move to an island were everyone is a diabetic, and no one has to worry about freaking other poeple out.
Anyone feel the same?