Handling non DB related stress

Mental and Emotional Wellness
#1

I need some advice on how to deal with the stress I’m feeling related to a non DB situation in my personal life. A little background, my daughter, who is an adult, became a single mother a few months ago as a result of a one night stand. Her relationship with the father has been a struggle almost from the very start of the pregnancy. Visitation has just started and the interaction with the father is extremely stressful to me due to how he treats my daughter. When interacting directly he is cordial but demands that he gets to interpret the family plan as it suits him and we are required to agree. If we don’t play along he then posts libelous things on line, sends aggressive and manipulative texts and leaves threatening and manipulative voice messages on my home phone. Our daughter is living with us so we’re exposed to this but even if she wasn’t it would still be part of my life.
This weekend was particularly hard on me and my BGs weren’t under good control.
Please share some ideas on things I can do to reduce the affect this situation is having on me!!

Thanks in advance.

#2

Re the “libelous” allegations and the visitation, I would recommend getting an attorney. It seems like you are trying to be “nice” and that he is trying to take advantage of this, to “leverage” your daughter’s life to continue influencing her. Save the voice mails for evidence too. I wouldn’t mess around with something like that. I agree that’s horribly stressful and the downside of an attorney is that they are not cheap but, if your daughter’s rights are not being upheld or are being pressed/ chiseled/ etc., it’s probably worth it now, if only for your grandchild’s sake. The dad should be contributing to the kid’s well-being but should not be able to be a creep about it!

#3

Thanks for the response AcidRock, I really appreciate it, this whole thing is causing me lots of anguish.
We’ve had an attorney for a while which has helped, but as you say they are expensive. He advised us to try to take the high road initially and if that didn’t work we’d make adjustments. Honestly, I like this idea as it potentially gives us all a chance to build a relationship. Unfortunately that doesn’t appear to be happening and I don’t know how to proceed without making things worse. I go round and round with myself thinking its just a failure in communication, then I remember all the personal attacks (at least that’s how we’ve interpreted them) and I begin to believe he is just interested in controlling everything. On top of that there’s the “blame yourself” game that I do to myself, especially over the last few days. :frowning:
Maybe I should spend an hour or so on the tread climber to burn off a bit of the nervous energy that’s built up.

#4

I’m so sorry that you and your daughter have to put up with such treatment. The two of you might also consider individually finding a therapist to help you manage the process. I’m not suggesting “family therapy” with the father as it doesn’t sound like he is treating you like family but having someone to talk to might help you both develop a plan for moving forward and managing the stress.

Good luck,

Maurie

#5

I’m so sorry about your problems. I understand very well how you feel. I’m afraid some years ago we went through some similar situations. I think it must be particularly hard for a father. Talk to your daughter about this and let her know that you are there to help her and the baby… What does she think about this all? I’m sure she is hurt but it is important that she is the one that decides what to do.

That is not helping your stress but if you are sure you have good communications with your daughter and trust her to make the decisions, I’m sure you shall feel better. I hope you do. You might want to be out when you know a visit is planned.

And as AR says, you might want to convince her to be sure her rights are being respected by consulting again the attorney. Wishing you my best.

#6

I’ve never been one myself, for confrontational issues.

I find that when I get shaky, angry, confused, or stressed by non-D problems, I have a hard time distinguishing between that and a low blood sugar. Then I duck out of the stressful situation to test my bg (sometimes I have to get something to eat just for myself because dinner has been postponed by the non-D problem), and those in the room I care about, they think I’ve abandoned them.

Some situations with my son in the past two years, have left me shaky and confused for several hours afterwards. It feels way worse than a bad hypo. (Overall my son is doing quite well, but sometimes we have tough mornings).

#7

@still_young_at_heart,
Seeing a counselor has crossed my mind and fortunately the company I work for has great benefits that help with finding a good one and paying for it. I haven’t brought it up to the daughter or wife yet but I’d be real surprised if they are against the idea.

@@Tim12
This is the first time I’ve been through a real tense situation in a long time, its really thrown me how big the impact has been on my BGs. I had high BGs all day yesterday (in the low 200s) and finally got back down this morning. You described the feeling exactly, like a real bad hypo except my BGs are high not low. My emotional control was really compromised and I had a bit of a mini breakdown with the wife and daughter yesterday afternoon.

Thanks for all the feedback and advice. Those of you who are so inclined please be praying for us, I think the roller coaster ride has just started.

#8

Sorry to hear about this.

If the child’s father is exhibiting controlling behavior, the high road is NOT to accept the abuse, but to nip it in the bud before your family (and the baby, ultimately) feels like the behavior is somehow your fault. So counseling and legal avenues need to be explored ASAP. (Sorry, if I am being preachy here)

Regarding your diabetes, it sounds like some TBRs are in your immediate future and probably post meal corrections. Bummer all the way round! :worried: