Hi Steve and I am very sorry to hear what is going on. Although this has never happened to anyone this close to me the same principles apply for a number of behaviours. There are four “magic” questions that we ALL need to ask ourselves (and sometimes others) occasionally and they are as follows.
What are you doing?
Why are you doing it?
How does it affect you?
How does it affect others?
It would appear that your father in law is at a point where he is tired of fighting and perhaps does not value himself enough to continue doing so. My concerns also include how others are affected as well. Perhaps you could throw a “diabetic party” in the form of the MOST USER FRIENDLY INTERVENTION POSSIBLE, but don’t call it that, stick to the “party” theme.
Let him know that although you have to be diabetic to truly understand how tough it is, everyone involved loves him more than he will ever know and will support him on every level possible, without enabling any negative behaviour. Someone should accompany him to all of his doctors appointments (people/diabetics have been known to say things that are false) and see where his A1c is, and anything else that is important regarding all of the above.
Get him a computer if you have to and have him join tudiabetes. Help him understand that there are MANY OTHERS that have the same ebb and flow to thier lives as well and above all have AS MUCH COMPASSION FOR HIM AS POSSIBLE, even though you disagree. He is hurting in a very big way.
THIS JOB IS NOT EASY NOT AT ALL!!! and all anger must be tempered with greater amounts of love and compassion. I hope this helps and please keep us posted.
The Anonymous diabetic