Hello Ladies! My Husband and I are wanting to start TTC, I have gotten the okay from my doctors but I am so worried and scared about everything! Im thinking of all the what-ifs! What if I dont do a good job, what if I cant control my flucuating insulin needs, what if I hurt the baby? I know in my heart its going to be hard but I know I can do it and will do the very best I can for our baby, what I am SO scared! Did you all feel this and how did you overcome this?
Hi Heather! I have to say that my husband and I waited a long time because I was so scared for all the same reasons you list. I think it’s perfectly normal to fear the unknown. I think the best way to overcome the fear of the unknown is education. So here’s what I did:
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I found a great endo. My endo is AWESOME! She told me where she wanted me to be for the first trimester and we made a plan to get there. She cheers me on when I do well and encourages me in areas to get better. She doesn’t freak out a the few outlying high numbers.
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I work with a good OB. My OB immediately sent me to a High Risk OB (HROB). My OB does what he does best and leaves the rest up to his peer who know more. He doesn’t try to tell me what to do, he just makes sure that I am still meeting with the drs who can/will tell me what to do
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My HROB is the most reassuring dr I see. He constantly tells me that my child is doing well. He explains what areas could be a concern and how to avoid trouble the best we can. He is proactive with testing, but still allows me choice. He tells me that my questions are good and encourages them.
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I read. I read about “regular” pregnancies (What to Expect, Mayo Clinic’s book, magazines, etc.). I also read about pregnancy with D. I highly recommend Cheryl Alkon’s book “Balancing Pregnancy with Pre-Existing Diabetes”. (http://www.amazon.com/Balancing-Pregnancy-Pre-Existing-Diabetes-Healthy/dp/1932603328/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_1).
Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have moments of panic. For example, when that high bg will NOT come down and it’s going on 6 hours. But I’m doing the best I can and have confidence (from other’s experiences) that I can have a successful pregnancy in spite of diabetes. I’m hoping for all the best for you and your husband!
Hi Heather! honestly, I never got over worrying! I worried before and during my pregnancy. Even now, i’m STILL worrying about my little baby. I think it’s hard wired into becomming a mommy. But the mania of worrying about every little detail does get better over time. Make sure you get good support around your diabetes care and see a high risk OB. Mine was AMAZING. I had so many crazy, anxiety, driven questions and she was great about answering them calmly. Having support is key because anything and everything else that will or wont happen is out side of your control. Good Luck!
Hi! I agree with Kate and Kathy that 1) it’s essential to find care providers you trust and 2) you never really get over worrying. I also really recommend Cheryl Alkon’s book, with the reminder that she interviews a wide variety of well-controlled diabetic women, and not to freak out if your control isn’t as perfect as the women with A1cs of 4.5. Remember that it is really rare for anyone (let alone a woman dealing with pregnancy) to achieve that kind of of control. Sometimes while reading it I forgot that and felt really guilty that I wasn’t doing that well.
I am 33 weeks along, and I have definitely had my break down moments where I questioned myself and why I had even decided to get pregnant, given the risks. And so far everything is going well! It is just an inherently scary thing, and it is all too easy to blame yourself when you don’t do everything perfectly. There are times that I can look back on and think, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that, or I should’ve exercised then, or I should’ve bolused more for that meal, but you just have to forgive yourself and move on and resolve to do better the next time.
Definitely really make sure your husband is on board with supporting and helping you through this. When you are exhausted and nauseated in your first (or third!) trimester, it can be a godsend to have someone say, no, don’t get up, I’ll go scramble you an egg so you don’t eat a whole package of crackers, or I’ll go look up the carb count on that so you will know how much insulin to take. You are going to feel alone in this at some point, so you really need to know in advance that he is committed to being a big part of your diabetes control.
And try not to feel guilty, and try to talk to people you trust about it in a matter of fact way. For me it has helped to admit to people that it is challenging, and tell them the risks that can accompany a pregnancy with diabetes, and then to give myself credit and tell them how hard I’m working and how well I’m doing, and how well the baby is doing.
If I am rambling, blame it on third trimester lack of sleep… Best of luck to you and let us know if you have more questions.
Since my diagnosis with diabetes, I had a genuine fear of pregnancy and I think that it made me delay pregnancy (well, the reason we waited was that my A1c wasn’t good enough, but I don’t think that I tried hard enough to improve it). I have a three month old son and I don’t think that I ever overcame those fears. It was reassuring to have signs that he was developing well and it felt GREAT to have the best blood sugars of my diabetic life, but every minor high brought guilt and worry.
The BEST thing for me was this group and having other women who live with diabetes to consult with. It mostly helped because I realized that I wasn’t the only one who didn’t manage to keep perfect blood sugars for 9 months!! I tried NOT to talk about the details of pregnancy with people who didn’t understand the reality of a high risk pregnancy and I really tried not to compare my pregnancy to others who don’t deal with diabetes or other health conditions (for example, I chose not to visit regular pregnancy forums because when I did in the beginning I became resentful about how “easy” pregnancy was for others. I just stuck with diabetes and pregnancy forums!!).
Also it helped me to remind myself that I am doing everything that I can for a healthy baby. Many women (without diabetes) don’t take such good care of themselves!! So our babies at least benefit from 100% effort!
Thank you so much ladies! Kate I have read “Balancing pregnancy with pre-existing diabetes” which was awesome because there aren’t any other books out there for that! Most of them are for gestational.
You are all so right though, I know I cant beat myself up over every bad BS it is going to happen unfortunately! Thank you all so much for your encouraging words!! Its so nice to have TuD because unless you are living with Diabetes, you just don’t get what we go through each and everyday.
I reminded myself of all of the people (diabetic or not) who do not take care of themselves and end up with perfectly healthy babies. I trusted that my vigilance, my will, and my medical team would surely benefit my baby-to-be. And she is perfectly healthy at nearly 20 months old now. My blood sugars were not perfect everyday, I beat myself up with every out of range number just like everyone else, etc. And it helped me to know that that was normal. I’m now on pregnancy #2 and going through many of the same emotions, but I trust now that my body knows how to protect and nurture a baby. All we can do is educate ourselves, communicate with our doctors (and one another), and do the best we can with broken pancreases.
For the record, I had a very smooth pregnancy the first time around and no issues so far with this one (currently 18 weeks).
Thank you Melissa that makes me feel better! And its so true I watch all my friends go through such easy pregnancy and they eat horrible and dont exercise and have perfect little ones. So very good point! Thank you!
I hate to admit it, but I often think of my mother-in-law who smoked through her pregnancy with my husband and throughout his life. She tells me about how she used to hold him in one arm so she could smoke with the other. It’s people like that that infuriate me and make me so determined to prove that abnormal glycemic control can’t do worse than people around me have done to their own babies. (And my MIL is one of those naysayers who tried to convince me to adopt rather than get pregnant as a diabetic.)
The real blessing of a pregnancy with diabetes is the monitoring and care you’re given. So many of my girlfriends envy my dozen or more sonograms and visits for each pregnancy with the constant checking in on growth and organ development. Every few weeks, you see that baby growing just fine, swimming around, waving its arms, blissfully ignorant of your pancreatic challenges - while your girlfriends get their 1 or 2 sonos and spend time worrying about kick counts and how many fingers and toes they’ll have.
(Just an aside: isn’t it incredibly galling when people suggest to you that you should consider adoption, rather than get pregnant with diabetes? grrrrr…)
I know. I don’t want to knock adoption. I find it to be noble, exceptional, and a wonderful opportunity for both parents and children. But I’m not going to make a choice like that based on others’ fear and ignorance. It’s my body and my family and, if I want to have biological children, it’s my business.
You’re absolutely right, adoption is a wonderful thing. But when someone tells you you ought to adopt because you have diabetes, it just feels like a huge vote of no confidence! It must have been especially tough for you that it was your mother in law saying that to you.
I am 24 weeks along and so far all signs indicate normal, healthy baby boy. However, there is just no getting over the fear. I am still afraid every day that a hypo did major damage or that my (brand new NOT fun) insulin resistance is hurting my baby. I think the reality of being a pregnant T1D is that we just have more to worry about than “normal” pregnant women. It sucks and is not fair, but isn’t that the nature of our disease in general? It sucks but we need to live with it. The ways that I try to live through the fear are:
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Try to break down with my husband, not alone. When I have lonely freakouts they last longer and blow way more out of proportion. When I have my husband telling me how hard I am working and proud he is of me, it’s easier to move through those hard emotions. I would definitely make sure to rely on your husband for support, because it is going to be tough.
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Communicate honestly with people when they ask about your situation. When people in my life ask about different aspects of being a pregnant T1D, I don’t sugar-coat it, but I don’t perpetuate stupid ignorant myths either. They more people you have supporting you and understanding your situation, the better.
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I don’t listen to what stupid people (or even well-meaning but naive people) have to say. They don’t know what you are going through, so don’t let their crazy fears/myths affect you. I’ll often just smile, try to politely clarify misinformation (“No, my blood sugars won’t just be normal if I consume more cinnamon…” “No, my baby won’t die if I eat these starbursts. I’m correcting low blood sugar right now…”) and move on.
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Remember that you can’t let diabetes control your life. If you know in your heart that you are meant to be a mother, and you and your husband want that for your life, then 10 months of hard work are worth it in the end. Did I realize how hard this would be? No, not really. If I knew, would I have still gotten pregnant? Of course!! I’m not willing to give up being a parent because of some disease. If that’s how you feel, then you will be willing to put in the work and live through the emotional rollercoaster because it will be worth it.
Best of luck to you!!
Oh Melissa, Kudos to you for being able to get through such a naive comment such as that!!!
Thank you Lauren. You are so right, I have always said I control my Diabetes it does not control me! You are right, I will continue to control this and I cant let the fear control our decisions! I know its going to be very very hard but I know I will do the absolute best I can.
Amen!
The best thing that ever happened to me was during my first pregnancy is that I met several other T1 moms-to-be at the antenatal clinic I was sent to for the duration of my pregnancy. There were 7 of us and we supported one another and shared info with each other and the Endo on staff (she loved us as we were her hands on education). No one will understand your fears, worries and stress like another T1 going through the same thing. I’m now in week 33 of my second pregnancy and I’m still in contact with these ladies. They help me remember things I forgot.
As T1 diabetics we take great care of ourselves, monitor our BG like madwomen, watch everything we eat, feel guilty when we give into our cravings but the reality is, I have yet to meet a T1 diabetic whose baby was harmed by her diabetes. I have a few friends who lost their babies (one still birth & the other shortly after birth) and they were perfectly healthy women with absolutely no chronic illnesses. We do our best to control our diabetes and the rest is out of our hands.
That is so true! We take excellent care of ourselves and beat ourselves up over every minor “failure”. After all of this hard work and monitoring, the likelihood is that we will end up having happy, healthy babies!!! I also think that anything “out of the ordinary” cannot be automatically attributed to the diabetes. My friend, who was recently diagnosed with gestational D, was expressing her worries about having a very large baby. You know, women without chronic illnesses have healthy babies ranging from 5-11 pounds. My mother (NOT a diabetic) birthed myself (8.7 lb) and my brother (10.0 lb) and diabetes was NOT a factor. For as much as we put into managing our T1D, I think it’s important to note that it’s not the sole predictor of our babies’ outcomes.