Last night was a bad one. It started when I took my shot before dinner and my stomach is worn out so it didn’t take the insulin. Dad ended up giving me the dinner shot. I kept checking and it kept going up, 274, then 312, then up to 476. I got so frustrated, and spent a good hour in my dad’s room crying like I was 5. He kept asking what was wrong, and it wasn’t that I felt bad. It was that I’m incredibly sick and tired of every little aspect of diabetes. The shots, the predicting, guessing, shots, tests, low and high spells. It’s the first time in 9 years that just the thought of having it made me so upset that I cried.
While dad was trying to figure out how much more insulin I needed, I was thinking about something else. How many other kids have just gotten so down about being diabetic? I could be wrong, but it’s hard to believe that with soooo many kids and teens… it doesn’t just get them down sometimes. There are just so many little things about it that mix with the irritating things of being 15 that make me SO mad.
It happens to all of us Caitlin, we all get frustrated at times. Unfortunately, the wild blood sugar swings mess with our moods (at least it does with mine), and make the bad times seem even worse. But don’t worry too much – you’ll get over it, and look back and say “that wasn’t so bad – I got through it”.
I give you a lot of credit for paying attention to your numbers and sharing them with your family. When I was in my teens, I cheated on my diet constantly and didn’t share anything with my parents. Not until after I graduated college did I really decide to take care of myself. So you’re definitely doing something right, and you should be proud.
Remember, managing diabetes is not perfect science. Sometimes things happen that we just can’t explain, and the best we can do is move on, and maybe we learn something for the next time (maybe we don’t). But if you spend too much time trying to analyze the past, you’ll never get to enjoy the present. Do your best to control diabetes – don’t let it control you.
Best of luck, Caitlin. I’m sure you’ll pull through.
Oh Caitlin, I feel your pain. I’m 26 and sometimes diabetes makes me cry like a 5 year old. Sometimes it is good to vent that frustration… and then pick yourself up and keep going!!
Feel free to vent ALL your frustrations here-- we get it!!!
I hope you’re feeling better today! I’ve had the beast for 41 years and I have a major meltdown like this every once in a while. It sounds like you have a great dad!
be well