Ok, its official. I hate my life. My cousin Krista is in college to be a photographer, so I had a photo shoot with her yesterday. Its not the first time she’s done this with me, it was like the 4th. She always does my hair, but yesterday she also put make up on me. Which I dont wear (Kristas put it on me twice). Another thing she did different was instead of it just being me and her, she brought her friend Victoria. Victoria straightened my hair while Krista put some junk on my face. Krista never makes my hair straight cause she knows I dont like it. She usually makes it wavy and pretty. Not Victoria. Victoria made it straight and parted it to the side (another thing I dont do). When they told me to look in the mirror, I made the mistake of actually doing it. I hated what I saw. It was NOT me! Here they were smiling and I was horrified at what I saw. Were we even looking at the same thing?! “What do you think??” they asked. What I wanted to say was “Im looking in the mirror but the reflection isnt me. Its something the world would define as pretty but I think its ugly. I want it all off!” but I didnt want to cause I didnt know what would happen. Instead I looked away after less than a second and looked at Kristas reflection instead. When she couldnt see the misery in my eyes I just painted a smile on and lied. I told them I liked it. I went the rest of the shoot with a fake smile that they somehow believed was real. They all kept telling me how pretty I was. Theyve NEVER told me that unless I had make up on. Not once. Even my parents were the same way. The only time they think Im beautiful is when I have stuff caked on my face and I dont look like me. Whats wrong with me?! Why cant they just love me for me instead of trying to change me?! If Im only beautiful with that stuff on and my hair all weird, then what am I without all that?! What kind of message is that supposed to be sending me?! :’(
I cried the make up off last night.
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Maybe they were going alittle overbord because they were the ones who put all that crap on you…I probably would have said, “I am glad you think I look good, but I think I look silly”. I do agree with you. However, don’t you think that most of us judge people BEFORE we get to know them? We make a snap jusgement about their hair, voice, weight, skin color, etc. They also might make comments because it is different, and maybe they do see you are uncomfortable and are really trying to make you feel more comfortable.