I think I'm depressed?

Type 1 and LADA
#1

I think I am at the point that I need help. Last night I was coming home from the dog park with my dog when out of nowhere I become angry. I am not sure what set this off but anyways I got home and used my “anger” to clean my bathroom. I ended up sitting in my floor crying. I went through ten different emotions in about ten minutes then I just hated my life and being diabetic. I cried for about 25 minutes. Then I just couldn’t sleep. I was awake until 4am just lying there. I checked my bs when I got home and I was at 42. Which that explains everything but I can’t keep this roller coaster of emotions up, I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. I know that this is only my first month of dealing with this disease, but I just can’t keep doing it. I’m planning on seeing a counselor at school but I just feel like they won’t know what I’m going through. Does this get better? Someone please tell me it does!

Liz

#2

You need someone to talk to…someone who understands what T1 diabetes means. Preferably a support group.
You should see if there’s a support group near you. Check your local hospital or ask your Endocrinologist. Also, get on a pump as soon as you can…
You’re recently diagnosed and that makes you eligible for some promising clinical trials for curing diabetes. Ask your Endo, or I hope some people on this site will volunteer information. You need to do this quick before your eligibility expires.
Good luck.

#3

It gets better.

Dealing with a big change (especially your first month!) is always going to be really tough. My first few years were tough.
You’re probably going to test your limits, make a few mistakes (some worse than others), to see how much you can handle. You’re probably going to cry (a lot) and scream (a lot), but eventually you’ll laugh too.

I’ve had T1D for almost 11 years and I’m still pissed off and sad about it sometimes. Most of the time it’s just “something I have to do” and it doesn’t affect my mood or day in any way- just REFLEX to take care of myself.

But other days, like yesterday actually, I feel like I can’t take it anymore. I want to explode with worry and resentment and frustration. How did this happen? What do I do? What’s my future going to be like? Where do I go? Who can help me? Why doesn’t anyone else understand? Am I crazy? Am I going to live a long life?

These emotional days come and go. Eventually, they’ll get fewer and farther between the happy “normal” days.

It is a good idea to seek counseling. Or even to just talk it out with us here at TuD.

A chronic condition is difficult to handle. Sometimes, I still feel like NO ONE understands EXACTLY what I’m going through. But, the people here understand the most that anyone else possibly can. We go through it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Over and over and over. We didn’t learn it out of a book, or seminar, or etc.

So, don’t be afraid to talk it out.

Diabetes has made me stronger, more empathetic, determined, educated, and more of a dreamer.

It’ll get better, I promise.
Hang in there.

#4

There are a lot of clinical trials at the Joslin Diabetes center in Boston MA. Sometimes they can get T1 completely REVERSED with newly diagnosed patients. Don’t be afraid to ask about them-

Here is a link for the clinical trials- it seems daunting, but hey, you could be CURED… it takes a little work. I didn’t know about this stuff when I was newly diagnosed. Good luck!

http://www.clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/results?term=newly+diagnosed+type+1+diabetes

#5

I have been on insulin since the 13th of June the day I was admitted in dka.

Thanks guys it’s nice to know I’m not alone.

#6

you definitely aren’t alone and don’t ever think you are!! breakdowns happen to everyone with this disease, even the most positive. i agree with john, you need people to talk to!! keep your head held high and if you need to, don’t be afraid to just let it all out and cry. i’ve done that millions of times and i feel much better afterwords. i wish you the best of luck with everything!!

#7

You are not alone. I had many times like this.

In my experience, they became less frequent as my life with diabetes became more “normal”.

For my first year with diabetes, I saw a counselor at my college (who was not connected to diabetes in any way). This helped me a lot-- because I knew that once a week, I could just vent my frustrations. I highly recommend this!

Of course, meeting other people who live with diabetes helps-- online or at support groups.

If you are anything like me, then it is really important to let yourself cry, let yourself mourn your diabetes-free life, let yourself say “this sucks” (because it does). But then pick yourself up and know that you CAN do this, you CAN live a fulfilling life, you CAN do the things that you dream of. You will just have to drag your diabetes along with you. The weight of dragging my diabetes became much easier once I found TuDiabetes and knew that I was not alone.

Know always, that you are not alone. We are here for you anytime!!

#8

Yes, it does. I still would like to give diabetes a kick in the arse, but
a. You mentioned a low BG. That’s one. Highs make me feel the same way.
b. you mentioned school. Being a female myself, I know I had had unstable blood levels when I was due a visit from my “Aunt Flo” every month. This is why I call them "Horror-moans"
c. You’ve only been diagnosed a month? You are still in the grief stages. A part of your body is no longer doing this all for you, and we all go through the five stages of grief

BUT:
d. You see what is happening, and you have a dog :slight_smile: did your dog act a little differently when you guys got back from the park? I have fur babies here, 4 Pomeranian doggies, and without training them, they actually help alert me to hypos. Your dog, is also a great source for comforting and caring while you talk to the counselor. If the counselor does not know diabetes itself, s/he would know grief counseling.

You are being totally normal, it is something to rightfully get help with and yes, in my 24 years with IDDM it does get easier.

#9

You are definitely not alone.

BG levels directly influence the brain, and therefore mood and emotions. Someone suggested you try to go on a pump. My endo wants me on CGM (continuous glucose monitor) before the pump, I understand it’s not perfect. I will still be chasing the highs and lows, but should be chasing on its heals instead of a 1/4 mile behind.

Hang in there, find support anywhere you can, friends, family, online, doctors, nurses, diabetic educators . . . If your not getting it from your health care provider find a different one.

#10

Big hugs to you. Liz. Give yourself a break right now. You’ve got a lot of new information and feelings to process, which is all perfectly normal. I went through all of the same emotions when I was dx’d with T1 back in 1995. I was 25 years old and in my first year of seminary. Each day will get better, and some days will be better than others. Be good to yourself and take one day at a time. :slight_smile:

Adrienne

#11

I am a mom of 2 daughters with T1 diabetes and it is very normal to have up and downs with your emotions it does get better in time as long as you take care of your self, but you will still have days where you feel like this just sucks. they do get further and further apart. once you get on trac it wilt you diabetes you emotions sould even out for the most part. But like I said eairler some day you will feel like this just sucks and on those days just hang in there.

#12

Liz, this does get better and you are doing the right thing by expressing yourself in a support group forum. So many of us have been in your shoes.

Sending a virtual hug. Take care of yourself, Cynthia

#13

It really does get better but it will take some time. You are grieving your old life and the life that your friends still live. I was diagnosed a year ago but my 14 year old niece was diagnosed 7 months ago so maybe you could relate better to her situation. I saw her go through a lot at first but I’m happy to report that she is in the marching band at school, she plays softball and just got back from a week at church camp. She’s not on the pump yet but will be in september. Is her life totally normal? Maybe not but I think, right now, if you ask her she’d say it’s pretty good. However, she is very disciplined about what she eats and covers it all with insulin and she is very organized and keeps an accurate food journal. I know it’s very overwhelming and confusing but you will catch on.

You are in the right place. I know I really was suffering when I found this site about a month ago. The people of this community have helped me tremendously. I can’t say enough. I feel like I have a bunch of new friends that all understand what I’m going through and the knowledge you will find here is unreal. All kinds of people with all kinds of experiences. Listen to what they have to say.

Hang in there kid. It will get better. We’re all here for you.

#14

Dear Liz:

It does get easier. We can all establish a personalized management system that best suits our personal lives, needs and expectations. That does give us some control. Depresession is not exclusive to diabetes. Some suffer from depression without clear and obvious signs or reasons. You should know that depresession is recognized as one of the symptoms/complications of diabetes That helps some. You can get good help for the depresession related to diabetes; so go for it. Another good place for support for your depresession is right here. You are connected with a community who DO KNOW what you are experiencing. I’m sure you know 42 is a pretty low b/s so that could be how your body tells you that you are entering a danger zone. Actually (not to sound corny), you are going to get to know you body in amazing ways. Your body will speak to you in ways it never has. Listen to what your body is telling you. You will learn to read signals and clues your body gives you to tell you just what it needs. By paying attention to those signals you will find some of your diabetes care will become more predictable. This will come with time. Be patient with yourself, love yourself, stay connected. Seek the support your medical professionals and otheres in the diabetes community. We’re/they’re all here to help.

These are my words of wisdom and you may wanta to know I’ve been managing type 1 for 12 years. I’m newly diagnosed type 2. My 25 year old daughter was diagnosed at age 12 and her daughter at age 3. My grandmother was 86 when she passed on and was insulin dependant all the years I knew her. She was a nurse during her working years. She had 5 children and none ever had diabetes. Nick Jonas, who is extreemly busy and lives a high functioning life style has type 1. So rest assured you can live an abundant life with lots of good times, success and failures ( just live everyone else) you will just be teathered to your daily care and management of the diabetes. Just take charge you CAN control it.

I took forward to hearing about your progress.

Warm wishes,
Marilee

#15

Hi Elizabeth,

It gets better! No one can ever know what you personally are going through. But know that many of us can relate. Hang in there! Try to find the things that make you smile and keep those things close to your heart.

Good luck!

#16

don’t wait talk to your doctor I did!!!

#17

so tonight after having a rough day, I started feeling bad again and then the next thing I know I’m crying once again. This time I tested and was way high, 558. I corrected of course but I guess there isn’t a correlation between by crying and being low. I did call my endo’s office and was told that he would return my call but he never did. I’m not too fond of him and will be looking for another one. Anyways, I’m going to call it a night.

Here’s to hoping tomorrow is better!

Elizabeth

#18

There are good days and bad days. I have been a type 2 for 6 years. I was on insulin for the first 9 months and I went through a range of emotions. My endo told me that I would use insulin for the rest of my life. I got better and it was a tough road.

I just got off some medicines that gave me anxiety and depression or maybe just triggered it, who knows. Doctors wont answer my question about it. Out of the blue I would just get sad and start to cry and I would go and hide. So from my experience there are peaks and there are valleys and I still feel that some people dont understand even those who have been around me through it all. I told my endo, told my primary about my emotions and they just kinda blow it away. So this is a good place to get people to listen and people do listen. I found out that what gets me through my valleys is to think about my anchor. The anchor can be the one thing that is important to you and the reason to go through the peaks and valleys. But if you need to talk to someone, talk to someone. One thing about doctors that I have noticed and I have been through a lot is they dont have good bed side manners. They dump all this stuff on you about the big D, but they dont help you deal with it emotionally. You have to shop around til you find the doctor you like. I am still looking

Take care

#19

First of all, yes you should see a counselor. I never did when I was first diagnosed, I wish I had. Diabetes can take a mental and emotional tole as well as a physical one.

You will be okay. And besides, you have 14,000 of your closer acquaintances to talk to anytime here on tudiabetes. :wink:

#20

Oh, no- I wouldn’t say there is “no correlation” because I definitely get really emotional when I’m below 50 and/or above 200. Crying is one way to display your emotions. I would still stick to it being a good plausible cause.

Wouldn’t know if it’s THE cause, but it’s def a plausible one.