I’m a 36 year old woman who has made some incredibly stupid, risky healthy decisions, and I’m so embarrassed. I have a toddler, and I have to get my health under control.
As a teenager I struggled with an additional 20 lbs of body weight, and would yo-yo continually. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 19, and well, the yo-yoing continued. I never got above 170 or below 130 (5’4") but I’d see each number every couple years. It was exhausting. My health numbers were great though, and I really did eat “fairly” healthy. At least comparatively. I wasn’t a sugar fiend, ate and loved plenty of vegetables. Just ate too much and other things, too. When I turned 31, I was 160 lbs, and I had this “brilliant” idea to get lapband. I couldn’t do it in the US because my BMI/risk factors didn’t qualify, but hey, Mexico would take me. My thought was that I’d get the band, not have any fills until I reduced my weight back to 130. Then I’d start using the band to maintain.
I never got below 150 and started creeping up. Originally no restriction at all- I could eat what I wanted. The last two years, something’s gone really wrong. I can’t get most dense or fibrous food (meat or vegetables, even most starchy grains) down. After a bite or two, something “catches” and I end up regurgitating anything eaten after that point, covered in esophogeal slime. I’m sure something has slipped or is scarring. And I just can’t bring myself to go to the doctor while everything is so out of control. The two years have been so devastating, health-wise. I can keep down ice cream, shakes, fruit, white flour, candy some fruit (blueberries, yes. apple with peel, no). Really anything that’s not meat and is very low fiber. Basically the worst food ever. I’m at 220 lbs, having gained 50 pounds in just over two years. I know I have at least prediabetes, probably full blown. I regularly pass out after a sugary meal, so little energy. My toes tingle for no reason. My heels are severely cracked. The skin below my knees and armpits has darkened. I don’t exercise and am in terrible shape. The cravings are ridiculous. I went to the dentist for the first time in three years, and despite having one cavity in my entire life, had NINE. I know I’d have a similar terrible report if I were to get a physical. My last physical was three years ago, and my numbers were at the very edge of prediabetes.
The (hopefully last straw) was two days ago. I was driving and the vision right above the center of my eyes got wavy. I could see, but it was so distracting I had to pull over. It lasted about five minutes, and then I had an “eye headache” (for lack of a better word) for the next several hours. So scary.
I know Doctor Google isn’t everything, but I can read a symptom list as well as anyone. I’ve made myself a promise that if my eyesight goes crazy even once more, I’ll get to a doctor, but I’m trying to damage control the diet as best as possible first. Lots of blending, veggie “shakes” and chewing everything as much as possible/eating a single meal over 90 minutes. It’s hard, but I just ugh… it feels like confessing. I’ve ruined my health. And I’m so mad at myself. And mortified. I knew better. And scared.