Its been a while since I was on here. This website and everyone here was such a great help for me when I first switched from multiple daily injections to a pump. I’m sorry I haven’t been such a help to anyone in return. I recently met a newly diagnosed diabetic and its been good having to talk to someone about what its like to have diabetes. I also felt good helping her change her dexcom and talk about carb counting and ways to lower our blood sugars. It helps that I have much more experience.
However, I have been diabetic for over 7 years now and so I’m not as careful or as sensitive to the whole topic. This is making me feel guilty because I kinda miss the first few months and how my mother and I used to take care of my diabetes. I now eat whatever I want and bolus for it, if it was too high I won’t freak out as much and I think I’ve pretty much accepted diabetes as a part of my life. I try not to look at it as an inconvenience as much as I can.
Yet, I understand that this is a relatively new situation to my new friend and it is hard (i still do cry whenever I change a dexcom and it bleeds and the sensor fail and I would have to change it, or when I’m in the middle of shopping and rip my infusion site by mistake, or when I play with my friend’s kid and hit my dexcom or my infusion site and have to hide how much it hurts)
She has every right to go through all phases: denial, anger, depression, acceptance, etc. I just had already went through them all and sometimes revisit them. I have been dealing with a lot lately and recently started seeing my psychologist again and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I. I haven’t told anyone. (I didn’t tell anyone when I was first diagnosed and was on meds last year; I stopped taking them a while ago)
People don’t get to see how I struggle everyday to leave bed or get some work done. They see my smily face, and hear my funny stories of how I’m too sweet and thats why I’m a diabetic but it gets exhausting. I try not to think of the future or the complications or having kids. I am trying my best and at least I’m quite successful at having a low A1c (7.1) and a semi controlled BG levels.
P.S. there’s a cotton candy bag over the shelf in front of me and I am so tempted to eat some but I already had cake at a friend’s birthday party yesterday and would feel guilty (because my friend haven’t had a burrito since she was diagnosed and here I am eating sweets two days in a row)
I think I’m gonna have a little, I deserve it (I went for a 20-jog and my BG is 98)
Anyone has a way of dealing with the overwhelming feeling of having diabetes most days?