My A1C. I'm a horrible person

So i’m kinda freaking out.

My mom just made the appointment with my Endo for Tuesday to get my A1C checked. It was 8 last time i went and they weren’t too happy about that. For the last 3 months or so i have been AWFUL at taking care of myself. Most of the time i only check my blood sugar once or twice a day (its supposed to be 3) and i can’t remember when my blood sugar was in the 100s. I just know that my A1C is going to be awful. I just know it. I’m afraid too. My mom is saying things like “If you get a good reading then we can go celebrate!” And i know that it’s going to be like 13 or something. I mean. It’s not like i eat a bunch of sugar and i don’t take my insulin. I just don’t check my blood sugar and i forget to carb count. I just guesstimate what my carbs are. (I know i’m a horrible diabetic who is going to die at age 30)

I used to be so good at this. I was so so diligent about carbs and sugar. And now it’s like i can’t find the will power to even try. I know all the consequences. But i don’t know. I just can’t take care of myself properly. I’m going to try. But i’m so afraid of this damn A1C. If it’s bad they will yell at me and yell at my mom and they might take my pump away. I can’t go back of shots. I just can’t.

And even if i have 100 as my blood sugar everyday until Tuesday it wont count on my A1C. It gathers info from the last 3 months.

This is too much for a 16 year old to handle. I just wish it was easier.

I wish it was easier too. sorry you’re having a rough patch but it’s voer and there is nothing you can do about it except to try and learn from it and move on. you know what you have to do- start w/ testing more and get back into that habit. start now!

I am so sorry you are having such a bad time. Its hard enough being a teenager… I have a sneaky suspicion that perhaps you may have a bit of depression??? It is not uncommon in diabetics… in fact it is more frequent than is talked about. I would maybe discuss this with your DR. and/or Endo.
Someone who is depressed, one of the many symtoms is not taking good care of yourself…it is worth looking into, its your life we are talking about…let me know how it goes!

Hi Kayla, Im a T1 DXed at 9yo. My teens were much like what your going through. Im in my 30s now. Not dead. As it turns out, you dont die, you just keep on going. They told me when I was DXed, if I was really strict, I could push back the complications till I got old. All that said to me was if I didnt have strict management, I wouldnt have to deal with it. So, 20 years of bad (A1c in 2007 was 10.2) BG control passed and I hated myself for it. I didnt invest in myself because I didnt think there was a point to. However, about 9 months ago, I figured out (with the help of this site) a management method that worked for me. I jumped on it. Ive been a T1 D for 25 years now and in the last 9 months my A1c has come down to a 5.8 (I need to get a new one). So, its possible for you to do this.

You need to keep some things in mind while you live this adventure. Take one day at a time. If it doesnt work today, try again tomorrow. I do that every day. You need to find some management method that works for you. So your 16, testing isnt #1, maybe a CGMS would help. Possible try an exercise regiment that your mom could manage. Or maybe try cutting some carbs out of your meals so if your just gestimating, youll not have to guess as much. When I was a younger I had alarms set on my pump to remind me to do tests. that helps when we forget.

I know its a lot and its overwhelming. Sometimes you just need a place to retreat to and hide a bit and you should do that. Let me say this though, how bad you are feeling now doesnt go away until you’re able to work towards your control. Honestly, Ive felt what you are feeling (its gonna be bad, people angry, been yelled at, dropped by Endos, blamed myself, etc). The best thing I did was start working towards my BG control. A huge weight was lifted and I finally felt I was able to do what I had wanted to for years. You’ll feel that too. Just take it slow and find what works for you.

There is 19,000 people on this forum alone. Were all happy to help, just ask.

On an off note, I dabble in photography work as well, when I have time. Got a link to any work?

Hey Kayla, things will get better. Try not to be so hard on yourself… Nobody apart from you (and us, here on TuD!) understands how it feels to have this life changing, time consuming, at times scary chronic condition. (Meh!)
One book I really recommend is ‘Diabetes Burnout’ by W. Polonsky. It really is helping me with my diabetes management and has some really useful questionairres etc which can highlight where you currently are and areas to improve on. So maybe take a look to see if it might help you too.

Please dont feel that you can be judged by some silly number at your appointment. You are so much more than that!
The only way is UP : )

You have to understand Diabetes is NOT you, its a Disease that was given to you. Your much more than your giving credit for. Like you said you do check your BS 2 times a day, and you do take your Insulin:) Thats very good.

You need to grab hold of the words I CAN DO< and just try harder, we are all human and get laxy daisy at times. I think if your Dr yells at you that is a shame. Encouragement verses yelling is so much better.

Your 16, and I was 16 when diagnosed. I was told then that I would live til 40 yrs old, and sweetie I am 54, and have overcome way more than just the Diabetes. Those hurdles were much harder to get over than diabetes is to care for.
I mean really, we have to use Insulin, feel blessed you have that, and we have to take our BS and thats just not so hard. And we have to be a bit careful on what we eat, and thats not so bad either. We make things harder than they are. We are all guilty of this, we are humans.
Don’t beat yourself up, be your best friend:) Praise your self for the steps you do make, and only look to try harder in the next 3 months.

I am guessing your A1C at 8.3:)

You should talk to your mom and your doctor about trying to test your BG more often? I think that it’s very hard to manage things with a small number of data points, testing 1-3 times/ day. It’s almost like playing roulette or rolling dice. It is certainly bothersome but I think that with more data, you will find it more manageable? The two best “owner’s manual” books I’ve read are “Using Insulin” and “Think Like a Pancreas” both of which are sort of dorky sounding but it was very illuminating to read them and see how stuff works and how to make adjustments? I went through tons of changes when I was younger, although I wasn’t dx’ed until I was 16, and it was a big PITA. The number is a useful measurement but testing 3x/ day makes it very hard to spot trends, make adjustments and feel better. if anything, your doctor is a horrible doctor for only rx’ing 3x/ day but if you had told them “that’s all I’m gonna do” maybe you can rethink that approach? I dunno, the numbers are interesting but not the end. I agree w/ the 8 is not horrible supporters too. It’s actually a pretty fantastic result testing 3x/ day IMHO?

Like the others said, don’t beat yourself up. Most of us have been where you are and some people have been there but just won’t admit it!

Try to set little goals for yourself that you know you can do. Decide that you will test 3 or 4 times one day. If you are not carb counting any of your meals, pick at least one meal that you will count carbs for. If you do one little thing each day, then it doesn’t seem as bad as trying to do everything at once. Maybe next week, you can add one more little thing. Do stuff you know you can do without too much effort on your part and it won’t make you feel like it is some big chore to do it.

OK – without reading any of the other comments, here’s what I predict they say, more or less, because it’s all absolutely true:

  1. You are NOT a horrible person. You’re human. You’re you, and that’s a very good thing.

  2. You are NOT the only diabetic who struggles sometimes. Diabetics in their 30’s and 50’s struggle with self-care sometimes, too. It’s not because you’re bad or because you’re 16 – it’s because diabetes is hard.

  3. No matter what that A1C reads, it’s not set in stone. You can chip away at it and do better next time, and the next, and the next. You’re in this for the long haul. Dust yourself off and keep trying to improve your self-care, one baby step at a time. Pick one thing and work on that. When you have it down, pick one other thing.

You’re going to be OK. You’re just having a hard time for the moment. It happens to all of us at one time or another and you will make it through to the other side.


Being a teenager with diabetes is one of the hardest things. I was 9 when diagnosed so experienced the teenage years with diabetes. It wasn’t easy, but you’ll get through it! :slight_smile: I’ve now had diabetes for 20 years and have no complications.

Keep in mind that one high A1c is not going to ruin your health or your life. It’s good that you recognize what you need to improve on, that’s half the process of getting your A1c down. Now the other half is just to actually DO it (which is much easier said than done!).

Maybe your a little burnt out… that doesn’t make you horrible, it makes you human.
Just remember that you ARE NOT that number… it does not define you. I hope they don’t yell, but if they do, just take it for what it is and do your best from today on. I know the next one will be better :slight_smile:

It will get better… Chip at it, try testing a bit more, work at it in took me some time to get to a reasonable level and now im working to get it below 7… Trust me you willstill have blips and occasionally unexplainable stuff. Remember no matter how many curves D sends at you, you are not alone. Test a bit more, try to be a bit more accurate with carbs, even if you take one meal and look it all up by hand. Hang in there and feel free to ask things

You will get there. Don’t worry. It takes a lot of work. Try to tackle one thing at a time.

Kayla, first of all, and most important, you are NOT a bad person. It does sound like you’re having some burnout, and the best thing I can think of is to talk to your mom and you doc about it. Diabetes DOES get depressing, and when you’re depressed, it’s extremely hard to take care of yourself. Then you get sick, and that’s not worth it. I know – I’ve been there and done that, and I almost died. So the best thing you can do is honestly ask for help. I see a psychologist who helps me a lot, and maybe your doc can refer you to one. Being able to talk about it really helps. A psychologist can help you make a plan, and can encourage you to stick to it. And also, psychologists are NOT for crazy people – they’re for ordinary people like you and me who are having to deal with an overwhelming problem.
Please let us know how you are doing, OK?

Kayla, Repeat after me…you are NOT a bad person!!! I am a bit older than you :slight_smile: and will have had Type 1 for 25 years next week. Life is a journey and an even bigger one with Diabetes. There will always be ups and downs. I too am someone who is guilty of beating myself up at times for not doing “all I should” to care for myself. But with that said you need to learn to forgive yourself. After all you are human. Yes, your A1C may not be what you or your Dr.'s want it to be this time. You can not change the past nor control the future, but work with the present. Try to set yourself some small goals that are obtainable. Take 1 area that you consider being “awful” care of yourself and think about how is best for you to change that behavior. I’ll take an example of what you wrote about. Testing only 1 or 2 times a day. Try to test 3 times tomorrow. If you do it great…if not tomorrow is another day to try again and do not beat yourself up if you did not do it. Write down your feelings for maybe why you didn’t and if you did test 3 times write down how you felt as well. Carb counting is crucial in helping you obtain better control which I am sure that you already know. One thing that is very helpful is a food scale. I know it is a pain…but it will help you in the long run and guessing at times might be easier and closer to the right number after you use a scale for a while. Things will get easier in time and do not worry about turning 30 just enjoy being 16…30 will come soon enough!

Kayla, YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. If it takes saying it for 24 hours straight to get that through your head, do it! You are not a bad person.
What you are is sick and tired of being a diabetic. But, hon, you are one, just like you are a beautiful young woman. It’s not easy being 16 and having a disease like this one. We would all go with that. But you do, and you do need to take care of yourself, because we want you here or wherever you are doing all the wonderful things that you are going to do in your life.
Can you take your appt without your mom? Maybe then, you could talk to the endo very openly about what you have been or have not been doing. What your feelings are, and what you can do to be better at taking care of you. If not, then gather that courage and maybe MOM needs to hear it too. YOU HATE THIS, and you don’t want to take care of yourself. I am a mother, of two sons and I know that they would hate it too…but I would want to know that for sure and then be able to work with them rather than against them in taking care of themselves. Find out if there is a young people’s group in your area for diabetics. We have a very active diabetic group at our HS that is very helpful and my goodness they have a lot of fun…and they have one person that when they feel like jumping off the deep end into not caring for themselves, they can go to that person and work it out.

You are worth this extra effort, and I hope that by the time you read this, you’ve worked it out. But it not, let’s do it…we are here for you to talk to and work with okay? Hugs to you Kayla, you are a beautiful young woman.

It IS hard for a 16 year old to handle. I’m 59 and there are times I say “who cares, I’ll eat what I want and nobody can stop me”. I’m hoping you can find someone to be your Diabetic buddy so you don’t feel so alone. Remember, you aren’t an a1c number, you are a person!


I know everyone has said this before, but you really aren’t a bad person. Really!

I’m 17, so I totally know how hard this can be on a teenager. You know what? Everyone goes through a time where they really don’t want to be a diabetic anymore. They just get burnt out. If every other diabetic goes through it, then either we’re all bad people or we’re just imperfect human beings.

My friend Bethany went through a rough time with her type 1 when she was a little younger than we are. Do you know what her A1C go up to? She made it to 14! And she was actually trying to keep it under control. It just kept going up and nobody knew why. I’m at like 8.6, and my other friend Nick is at like 9. We’re just teenagers. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. (for the record, I check my bg 7-10 times a day, and my A1C is still hovering around 8.6. I don’t remember it ever going below 8, despite how hard I’m trying. I’ll get there one day.)

Cut yourself some slack. Take it one step at a time. When I was burned out, I set small goals for myself. I started with checking my blood sugar more often, just before every meal and before bed. When I got that down, I started trying to really carb count again, instead of guessing. My A1C came down from the 9s to the 8s. And then stayed in the 8s. I’ll have to be patient with trying to get it below 8.

When my A1C was bad, and my parents got mad at me, I just brought up Bethany’s story. “Mom, Bethany made it to 14 and she was trying really hard to make it down. Sometimes it’s just bad because I’m a teenager and I have alot of hormones messing with my blood sugar.” Now she doesn’t get so frustrated with me.

Just remember that you are worth the extra work, and don’t let anyone ever tell you different! :slight_smile:

We all fall off the diabetic wagon. Its hard to maintain it ALL the time. Dont be so hard on yourself. The good thing about bad number is they do not stay that way. You can always bring it down…Your young and its easier for you to bounce back from so dont raise your numbers worrying about it…I didnt get it until I was in my early 20’s and it was hard for me then, I cant imagine being so diligent as a teenager.

You are not horrible…You are young and beautiful!!!

Shoot…if our A1c’s dictated if we are good or bad people! Life is way more than that.
Kayla, diabetes IS too much for a 16 year old to handle. It is too much for a “grown up.” We all just try to do the best we can at any given time and some times we do well, sometimes we don’t. They probably won’t yell at you at the endo’s, but if they sound surprised or disappointed, just agree. You wish it was better too. Ask your Mom and the doc for help. It sounds like your mom is trying to be supportive and surely wants the best for you. Checking BS is a pain and so many things besides carbs can effect our #'s. Ask them what else you can do to make it better. Ask for their opinions on everything. Adults love that. If they see you are trying to learn, they will work with you. Good luck. PS. maybe it won’t be so bad…