Soooooo, as I approach my 39th birthday, Holy! did I just say my 39th birthday, for
f*%$’s sake?! Yeah, I did, well, it’s in a couple months. But I think about it all the time, why? Because I’m one year out from a relationship that I thought was going to be the one. For almost the last ten years, I had been going through this back and forth thing within my own brain of doing what I want, when I want, and being myself, but mixing that with thinking I should grow up and get married and meet the woman of my dreams. And so when I met Lisa, I kind of forced myself into thinking she was the one. And she’s a great gal and all, but just not the one for me. I’ve discovered that. Or, maybe, it was put on me.
She broke up with me a year ago. It was actually in 2009, right before the New Year, but I always think of it as 2010, it just screwed with my whole year. Yeah, 2010 was a train wreck of a year for me. But now, it’s 2011, and just the other night, we exchanged the last couple things that we had that belonged to each other. Just odds and ends. So, with that, and the turnover of the year, it’s like I closed that chapter, and that book, of my life.
Now, it’s on the bigger and better things. It’s a new year. This could not be more symbolically important and, sort of, life changing, to me. That’s why I started off the way I did. As I get older and wiser, I realize how CRUCIALLY important it is to be happy. To just be happy. That’s all I could ever want for myself. That’s all my parents want for me, and that’s something that always messes with me. I always wanted to make my parents proud of me. But they already are. They know what kind of man I’ve become. They know I have gobs and gobs of friends. They know what kind of worker and employee I am. They know how creative I am. They know how trustworthy I am. They know how I take care of my health, which isn’t easy, considering I’m a Type 1 diabetic. They see how I treat friends and family, and they see how I tackle my problems head on.
But even more important than all that, is that now, I’m starting to see all those things about myself. And I’m starting to believe in myself again. I’m getting back to the person I knew I always was. I just have these other issues which cover up all the good things in me. Arghhh!
But it’s a new year, and I could NOT be more excited about how things are already starting to shape up. I mean, I’m freaking a little. Things are good, and getting better. I’m doing work I like, I’m taking care of my financial crap. I’m buying a freaking house. (well, townhome, but that’s a small detail) I’m buying a home, lets say that, and it’s going to be mine. I’ve sacrificed to make it happen. I’ve made a goal, I’ve saved, I’ve worked hard, and it’s going to happen in two months. I’m going to have a garage for all my crap. A GARAGE!!! Oh my Golly!!!
I know I just said this, but I’m doing work, that I really enjoy, and I make money at, and I make people happy, which in turn makes me happy. Is that a good f&*%$ing situation or WHAT!!?? I support myself, I love what I do, I make people happy, I make me happy. In fact, I make people smile and laugh out loud and hug me, with big bear hugs. People give me homemade cookies. Come on, that’s awesome all the way around.
So that’s it, I’ve gone on long enough. I’m psyched on life, and only going to get more psyched as I knock out some of these other goals I have. Check out another post I wrote on things/goals I want to do, some this year, some in time to come, you can find it here.
These photos of me that accompany this article come from my good friend Sierra Anderson, who writes her own blog, called The Real Alaska, you can find it here. Sierra had a very unique upbringing, growing up half the time in Alaska, around fishing boats, her Dad is a commercial fisherman, and half the time in Breckenridge, CO. She was on the ski racing team, and I think won States as a cross country runner. In-cred-ible athlete, this girl is an amazing skier, and fast on the trails. Thanks very much for taking these awesome shots of me, I don’t have many, I’m always on the other side of the camera. And skiing at the resort, which I don’t do very much. Thanks!!
glad 2011 is going so well for you! enjoy your new home.
Thanks Joe, things are going better than I could have imagined!!
Here I am reading through these various postings, simply hoping for more talk about your man purse and tricks you may have learned about keeping insulin and other supplies from freezing rock solid in the back country. Instead I get to hear about Mexico, your ex and other subjects that might easily get classified as TMI.
the thing is we all have low points in our lives and hopefully we move through them and I hope that is where you are heading. Erratic blood sugars rarely help us feel better nor gain useful perspective on our situations. Duh. Nor do erratic waking, sleeping, exercise schedules. If nothing else, aim for the small things; going to bed on time, waking on time, moving through life on a reasonable schedule and get back to posting about what back country tricks you’ve learned.
Here’s a question. What kind of ID Alert stuff do you carry backcountry. I’ve been trying to figure this out. A wrist bracelet might not be as noticeable when mittened up. Key chains and wallet are buried in my pack. Short of a forehead tattoo any suggestions?
uhh, Thanks for the sermon Jacob.