I’ve never been in such a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” place in my life!
I’ve been feeling pretty blue the last few days, and it always reflects in my diabetes care. And it always results in NOT wanting to do any of the self-care that I NEED. For me, part of it is craving for sugary carby foods AND not wanting to take any insulin for them (which would at least mitigate the high). So either I don’t eat the ice cream (refrained from going to the store last night), and then spend too much time thinking about it, or I DO eat ice cream, and spend hours trying to get my BG down, or DON’T try to get it down, whereupon, it just goes higher. That’s a danger spiral, and as you know, I’ve been there, and it ain’t pretty.
So the result is that I’m just spending time STRUGGLING with those feelings.
I wonder how many diabetics really DO achieve that legendary “it’s just like brushing your teeth every morning” kind of acceptance vs. those who struggle their whole diabetic lives. Or is the brushing your teeth aphorism just something invented by some well-meaning CDE who didn’t know what the hell they were talking about?
I really believe in the low-carb philosophy – it makes a lot of sense to me (and I guess that’s part of why I’m writing), and it’s NOT the giving up of carby food that bothers me, but the issue of having to regulate my food intake AT ALL. That’s where the DIYD, DIYD comes in. I’m really not dealing well (and never have) with the necessity of evaluating every morsel I eat in terms of my carb goals, much less how much insulin do I have to take if I DO decide to indulge.
We’re having a folk-dance party tomorrow night, and people always bring goodies, and there are 2 EXCELLENT pastry chefs among our crowd. Bad news for Natalie. Especially when she’s not in tip-top emotional shape. (Part of which is still dealing with the pain, although it’s definitely improving little by little)
Don’t you get tired of always having to think about food, too? Do you ever throw caution to the winds, knowing full well that it will get you in the end?
It’s bad enough just having to deal with the “normal” vagaries of diabetes – what do you do when you just want to FORGET about it?