Now I Really Don't Know What Too Do

My friends have been fighting with eachother and I don't know why but it has gotton out of hand. My friend who is like my sister is being bullied my my just friend. Well that just friend is no longer my friend. She started calling my friend who is like a sister a slut and b**** and i had had it with her being mean like that. I told her that if she was going to call my friend names she can call me them too because i was not going to let my friend be bullied. I told her that I didn't like what she was saying and that she needed to stop it. Well my friend who is like a sister calls me after school crying. Turns out the girl bullying her started a rumer that my friend and my other friend were dating when my other friend was dateing someone else. Well word got around and my friends girlfriend broke up with him because of the rumor. My other friend ( the one whose gf broke up with him ) told my friend he never wanted to see her again and didn't care about her. I called him and I told his friend who had the phone that my friend did nothing. Then he starts telling me that the friend who got dumped wanted nothing to do with my friend and my ex friend. I asked him if he wanted anything to do with me like if he was still my friend. Turns out that he never thought of me as a friend and thought i was a bully. I don't know what to do. I stood up for my friend but now I am getting picked on and my friend thinks i am a bully and he never was my friend. :'(

Dear Anna Banana,

I don't really have any wise words, but I wanted you to know that people read your posts and care about you! People on here who are teachers, or parents of teens--or even better, other teens--can give you better advice.

The best I can say is that you were loyal to your friend who is like a sister, and you supported her. You weren't mean to anyone. Those are two things to be proud of. You did the best you could.

And it probably doesn't help today, but I can promise you that a few years from now, those people who have said things that you feel hurt about will be so unimportant to you! You're going to go on and have such a fascinating and interesting life! Don't let the painful parts slow you down!

Best wishes,


Hi Sweet Anna B pun intended :) one with a few years of mastered life's experience ( and listened to hubby with 10 more years more of " that " ) : Play with those, who like to play with you

We've encountered some of these things, I've heard about rumors, etc. and, of course, being the old dad, I probably don't hear more than 5% of the rumors however they are likely easily disproven? How do people without cars or, more importantly, money, "go out"? Even if mom and dad "drive them", there are limitations on the amount of "sluttiness" that can go on? And, if the name callers are feeling "powerful" by labeling, they are likely expressing petty jealousy that no one wants to "go out" with them, whatever tactical limitations may be placed upon cash and car-free going out?

Perhaps the name callers feel some empowerment from Rush Limbaugh's use of the ter "slut" recently? Did they watch the follow up dialogues where he got ganged up upon by people, even the ones on his side? I found the response to Rush Limbaugh's recent and inappropriate labeling of Sandra Fluke to be pretty much unanimous that his use of the term was inappropriate. I would still like to see him go 3x 5 minute rounds in an octogon w/ Sandra Fluke and/ or her dad. If they don't want to, I'd be happy to second them, even though I'm not in very good shape right now...

I think that your best move would be to suggest that probably no one is actually a slut. If they are going out and/ or even engaging in behavior that could be construed as "slutty" (please include the boys in that term, perhaps use it to describe boys who may, in fact, be just as or even more interested in being "slutty" than girls who are may project that they are more in command of their senses, except when they are fighting with each other?). Maybe it would be a good idea for everyone, instead of not doing anything constructive and calling each other names, to go volunteer at a soup kitchen or other organization helping people? We have one locally and junior seemed to enjoy her stint volunteering there,

Oh man, Anna, I've seen my daughter and her friends go through things like this. My daughter is like you, she is fiercely loyal to her friends.

But my daughter learned over time that sometimes people say things they don't really your friend saying he didn't consider you a friend. Remember that he was hurting because of the girl who "broke up" with him and he was just lashing out at you because you happened to call. Plus his friend answered the phone and boys will act differently in front of other guys than they act when they don't have an audience.

This will likely blow over. You know that you're not mean and that you were just trying to help. Maybe you could initiate a fun thing to do with your group of friends or maybe as AR suggests doing a volunteer service thing? Feel good things like that tend to make people feel closer.

I hope you're having a fantastic day today! :)