People not wanting you to get pregnant?

All my life I’ve dreamed of being a mom one day, like most little girls, right? Well when I was 11, I was dx’ed with type 1…ok no big deal. Well ever since then MY MOTHER has vioced her opinion that I will never ever have children, that I will go on to get my PhD and just focus on my career, I can go ahead and get married, but I will never have children. I sat her down the other day to tell her that I do plan on having children, preferably sooner the better, and she tells me shes dissappointed in me, that she doesnt want any grandchildren and then goes on to think that it would be a huge mistake!

my non-d sisters on the other hand, she has no issues with them getting married and having kids.

she told me that she has “higher hopes” for me than for my sisters.

anyone else going through this? is this not the most rediculous thing you ever heard? Im trying to keep my head up but shes always saying things like this and I just try to ignore her and agree with her when Im really trying to get healthy enough to become a mommy.

My mom became suddenly really excited about adoption the past few years (I was diagnosed at 21, four years ago). Then kept talking about how wonderful it is and how that is definitely the right road for me. I have always considered adoption as an option-- so it didn’t seem that crazy to me. But just a week or so ago, she told me that she has found a sense of peace about the idea of me being pregnant.

Apparently the whole adoption talk was my mom’s subtle way of discouraging me from getting pregnant cause she was afraid of the complications for me and for the baby…

So how did she get her “sense of peace”?? She talked to a high-risk OB-GYN who works with women with diabetes everyday. She told her about how she is really hoping that my husband and I just adopt. The doctor looked at her and said: why?

That was all my mom needed. Now she asking-- when will she get grandchildren??? Perhaps your mom needs more information-- and it just afraid to tell you about her fears… as you are getting ready for pregnancy, it would be a good idea for her to talk with a doctor or other diabetic mommies-- maybe that would help calm her fears??

I would say yes, but she “doesnt want me to be like her”…meaning, married with kids with no career. I think shes just bitter really, lol.

Dear Sarah,

SIGH! I get so annoyed with people who don’t have diabetes when they seem to think they get us or know what is best for us! UGGGG!!! It’s so frustrating.

I actually had the opposite experience. In May of last year, my husband and I decided to start on an adoption journey instead of having biological children. Our agency asks for medical letters from our doctors, so I asked my endo to write a letter stating that pregnancy was a higher-than-normal-person risk for me but that I would still be a good candidate for an adoptive parent b/c I took care of my health.

My doc said to me, “You should have your own.”

WHAT???

I said calmly that we wanted to adopt.

He went on to say my A1C (at that time) was great, and I was young (under 30)—so I was perfectly ready to have a baby.

I insisted on him writing the letter.

Many people have said to me, “People with diabetes can have healthy babies.” I know this, I really do, and I think each woman should make the best choice for her and her family.

For us, the best choice is adoption. My doc didn’t get it, and some other people don’t get it, but I don’t care. It’s my body and my life.

I would just say to stand firm. It’s your life and your body.

:slight_smile: Rachel

I am definitely facing that right now. I bet its harder for you T1s, but maybe not, its just in different ways. I have 3 kids already, and my based on how severe my GD was in my last pregnancy, my parents are convinced I will die or the baby will die because of diabetes. We have wanted to have 4 kids, and at our ages (35 and 40) we don’t want to wait much longer for a 4th!

Now that I know my A1c (just found out today) is 5.8, I consider this to be a huge relief. I am sure I am still going to get lectured by the doc about losing weight, which I am trying to do, but is really hard for me.

Anyway, moms are always going to be there to poke us with some crazy stuff sometimes. You can shake it off :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

I’ve never gotten that type of reaction from the family…I can’t imagine how painful that is! UGH
But, I have gotten it from a few “friends” - I’ve been told that it’s irresponsible for me to get pregnant.

It doesn’t sound like your Mom has a problem with you having kids because of your diabetes…sounds like she doesn’t want you to have kids because she has some crazy plan for how your life is going to go.
I would imagine a lot of parents feel like this - I know my parents wished for a certain kind of life for me too.

Honestly, I think you should try to have a little heart to heart with your Mom.
Explain that you understand that she has certain “hopes” for your life but given that its your life you have to do what you want, what makes you (and your hubby) happy, which may not always be what she has in mind.

If she doesn’t understand ask her how she has lived her life.
Did she follow a plan that her parents laid out for her or did she follow her own heart?
I hope that she’ll say she followed her own heart…
But if that’s not the case ask her if she had the decision to make over again, what she would do now.
I’ve found that sometimes you really need to get someone to see the situation from your shoes before they can understand. : )

I got that only when I was much younger. I remember one of my friends in elementary school coming to school crying because she’d seen Steel Magnolias and thought I would die someday if I had babies.

My mom was scared to death for me to have kids with the diabetes. Know what? I had 3. Sure you have to be more careful. Sure you’re considered high risk. But all you’ll be doing is helping that baby to be healthy, and you too.

Make sure you talk with a high risk ob, and test your blood sugars frequently. Unless you have some underlying complication, you should be able to have a healthy, successful pregnancy. My kids are 10, 7 and nearly 4. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. It was hard work, don’t get me wrong, but the reward at the end, delivering a beautiful baby, made it all worth it. And I get to remind my kids how hard I worked to have them. The guilt doesn’t work often, but I try.

Good luck!

No sooner than two days after I posted this, I was having a real nice long-distance heart-to-heart with my mother-in-law. She was telling me not to fret about getting myself ready for a baby and that I could always consider adoption.

At first, my heart was warmed. You see, she and her twin sister were adopted as infants and grew up in a loving and wonderful family. I sat there thinking about all my options if things don’t go my way and how I’d love to provide that opportunity to give an orphaned child my love. I opened up a webpage about adoption and scanned it as she spoke. Then she delivered the kicker. “It’s just not worth putting your health at risk to have a baby.” Click. Shut the webpage.

Adoption is not a lesser choice. It’s just that my first choice is to prove to myself that I can get my health in check and carry a child like I always imagined I would. I would have no problem adopting…but I’m not going to do it ONLY because I’m scared. Or because my husband’s mother has concerns. I know my body and will know when - and if - pregnancy is a viable option for me. I just want the same chance any other woman has.

I’m going through this right now too. I’ve been married for 5 years and we were always decided on adopting b/c my husband was scared for my well being and pregnancy wasn’t something I thought I could go through. However since going on the pump 1.5 years ago my feelings have completely changed and I actually want to try to conceive. I even got my a1c to 6.4 about 2 weeks ago the lowest it’s ever been! But my husband is not so sure he wants me to go through a pregnancy :frowning: He wants to wait 6 months to see if I can maintain my blood sugars and get in extra good shape but I’m not getting younger & I have a feeling he’s not going to change his mind.

This happens alot, I think. Sometimes people are more outspoken about it. I know my mom was worried sick when I got pregnant but she also held her tongue and was very supportive.

I hate to sound like a sales pitch, but I think that the book I wrote is actually an excellent resource for worried future grandparents. It answers a lot of the questions that they have but don’t necessarily know how to ask. It’s called “When You’re a Parent with Diabetes” and you can get it from Amazon or you can try to get a free copy by visiting www.parentswithdiabetes.com and following instructions there (I’m just not sure if they are still distributing free copies).

HTH!

I really think he’ll change his mind! you can;t know if your blood sugars will remain the same but you’’ try the best for sure!
My mummy is really impatient for me to have a baby, we’re planning the have one in one year or two. Of course I’m scared, but I just think that I’ll do my best!
Love from Ale x

Kassie, I called the phone number on that website and got a message about meeting singles or something, but the book is available from some individual sellers on Amazon for very little. Can’t wait to read it. Thanks.

ack! thanks for the heads-up!