Well, I had a sad weekend. My first sad weekend since I’ve been diagnosed, really. When I first got back from the hospital, I cried a few times. But, Sunday afternoon, I was basically home alone. In my room. Listening to really emotionally-driven music. Not a good combination. And, earlier that day, something had happened that made me feel really alone in being diabetic. I felt like: 1) i was a burden, being diabetic. 2) people outside of my close friends and family didn’t even know what diabetes really was like. 3) even my close friends and family could never understand what i was feeling. So, I just felt very lonely. So, there I am… alone in my bedroom, trying to get work done. And, I just start sobbing uncontrollably. Part of me was like “Just let me cry and get this over with! It’s my first meltdown!” but another part of me was begging for someone to find me and shake me out of it. I felt guilty for crying and for feeling sorry for myself. I’m not the only person with diabetes and struggling. So, I felt like I had no right to cry… because, in general, I’m doing well.
The main reason I feel alone, is because I’m the only person I know with type 1. Except some guy in his 30’s my family knows… but, I don’t really have much in common with him… and I don’t feel like chatting with him, you know? My Endo told me that she was trying to get a group of teen girls with type 1 together… but… so far, that hasn’t happened. Now, I think I really need that. I need to have people I can call. I need people who can understand me. I do have friends who try, though… which is nice. Like, Sunday, while I was having my depression attack, I talked with a friend of mine. Sometimes, I just cried harder, but… eventually I stopped. So, B, I know you’re reading this. Thanks. You’re an awesome friend.
If anybody knows any teens who live in the suburbs of Chicago with type 1… let me know. I’d love to meet someone my age going through the same things.
Okay… so… on a lighter note. I received my Omnipod in the mail last week. Over the weekend, I wore it with saline. But, if all goes well, I’ll get to wear it tomorrow with insulin. I want to wear it as soon as possible. However, if my Endo doesn’t look at my BGs from the past few days SOON, I can’t get into the doctors until next week to get my omnipod on. So, I’m crossing my fingers that the Endo signs off on my BGs so we get a move on this!
Okay, let me know if this ever happens to you:
When I forget to take my Lantus in the morning, my BG is fine for the rest of the day. I can’t tell that I’ve forgotten to take it. HOWEVER, my BG is higher the next day. Is this because I’m taking too much Lantus in the first place? Like, it’s lasting too long? When this has happened lately, I was taking 25 units. I don’t remember why I was taking that much. I normally take something more like 20.
Well, I’m gonna make a point to post more on here, now. This weekend, I’ve spent a lot more time on here… and realized just how important it is for me to be on here. You all encourage me so much… and I LOVE talking to you guys.