I wouldn't say you "can" change what you are doing because moving from 12 to 8 is proof you already have changed. There's like 1000 miles between 11 and 8 and a couple of hundred yards between 8 and 6 I think. They are tough yards but one step at a time...
I guess the fear of hchildren comes from when a diabetic already has proliferative retinopathy and gets pregnant, then there is an significant risk that your retinopathy can get worse. Also, my husband feels that a pregnancy will do much more damage to my kidneys ad vital organs. I feel like this isn't "Steel Magnolias" era so there is so much more information that endocrinologists and ob gyn doctors have today to help. Thanks for your input and telling me about your situstion.
Haha you bet! I should say that it’s not always easy to let the past go, but I do okay at it. The physical and mental parts if diabetes are always a work in progress. I struggled for soooo long to get my a1c down from high 9’s, and it’s only been in the last two years that I decided to own it. I’m sitting at 6.4 now, but I’m working on being more even keel, since I know I have lows and highs a lot. You’re awesome for the work you’ve accomplished!
To me it seems you are a smart person who can do what it needs to get things under control. So I will answer your question from a relationship point of view based on a few bad years I had a while back.
I once attended a wedding where the minister told the couple that they should not go into marriage thinking that is its a 50/50 situation. In life, we as couples have our ups and downs. There will be time when its 0/100 or other variations but one thing I learned it will never be 50/50. But sometimes we will need to be carried and then there will be times when when we will carry our partner.
Life has a way of throwing curve balls all the time. You never know who will be carrying who and when and for how long in any relationship. Unless someone lives in a bubble and choses not to have friends and relatives then they truely dont have to deal with anyone at all.
During this time you need more support than resentment. When you take care of yourself do it for yourself and no one else. I realize for myself that my wife will never know what I feel like and i came to terms with it. I dont ever want her to know what I go through.
Another thing I realized that I needed to stop worrying about what she thought about my condition. I became a little selfish with my time and work on getting better cause that is what I needed at the time so that I could deal with the issues I had when thing got really bad for me a few years back.
The intersting thing was that when I stopped carrying about what she thought or anyone else and started to think about my plan to get better she respected me more than when I felt that she should worry about me more.
Things have changed for us as our priorities have changed over the years. We are dealing with her elderly parents now, which to me seems like the roles are reversed. Youth is so quick to pass and then life even without diabetes gets complicated and all you can do is hope that you have the best person in your corner. So I learned that all we can be is the best people to our partners and that should be good enough. I always tell my wife, we must have seen something good in each other when we got married. We may have this thing to carry but dont let it change the person you were or change your goals in life.
We still have issues and it is a constant struggle, but I try to work them out as best as I can and I learned that sometimes its ok to be good enough and not great or perfect.
take care.
I have not said anything yet, I wanted to see what other people said. I have to tell you, diabetes can destroy those around you. You may believe that you alone own your diabetes, but it does affect others. We even at times call people who love us Type 3.
And I have to tell you, while going from an A1c of 10-11 to an A1c of 8 is an accomplishment, an A1c of 8% is still an average blood sugar of 180 mg/dl and it is still too high. The complications of diabetes are abundantly clear to you now. You are not a teenager who can believe they will live forever, diabetes has reared it's ugly head. And your husband sees it and it is not surprising that he is totally freaked at seeing the woman he love be in this situation. We all did things when we were young that do not reflect the decisions we make when we get older.
So you need to really devote yourself to getting better control. All these emerging complications can be halted and most can actually be reversed with tight blood sugar control. And neither your nor your husband should dwell on the past. Your husband fell in love with you and married you with full knowledge you didn't have the best control. So you both need to make a pact, the past is water under the bridge, all that matters is doing the best moving ahead. And make your husband your partner in that way ahead, have him help you with food, exercise and enlist him more fully as an engaged partner to help you with things.
And don't ever think you can't make a difference in your life. You can, no matter what your situation. So believe in yourself. Believe you can get better control, you can halt and reverse complications and believe that you can have kids one day.
Good girl...get that A1c down. I have a 6 year old and his last A1c was 5.8 he has no lows and he wears a pump and Dexcom. I keep his control very tight!
AS far as having a baby...there are many options. You could have someone carry the child for you but is that really the issue?
Hang is there. Diabetes is so hard and unless you have been there yourself people/and even the ones you love just don't get it.
Jenna,
First and foremost you must get your A1c down, if you have problems now after only 18-years think what it will be like in another 20, I was diagnosed 56-years ago when I was 8, back then it was horrendous, I remember the doctor telling my mom that if I was alive at 10 it would be miracle, what a devastating thing to hear, we’ll I am still here, married 44-years 2-kids and 6-grandchildren. I was like you when I turned 11 I started rebelling, eating what and how much I wanted behind my parents back, went to the hospital more times than I care to remember. I wanted to be like other kids not a freak with diabetes (no camp like my brothers went to stayed home with the “D” I was a freak, until I realized that I was hurting no one but myself and was going to die only later than what dr told my mother.
As to your husband take him to your Endo and CDE when you go (you do have these don’t you)?
Talk about your relationship and diabetes, either he will understand or he won’t, if not then maybe it’s time to move on and be you.
Remember, you must get your A1c under control (mine at last blood work 5.8).
I have had type l diabetes for about 42 yrs now and I have also been blessed with two children and three grandchildren. Please don't feel like you will not be able to have children because of your diabetes!!!!
Just find the right doctor to help you through this and hopefully it will happen. I was told I couldn't or shouldn't try to have kids but then I saw a ob/gyn who specialized in high risk pregnancies and like I said I had two beautiful daughters both in terrific health and both who ended up married with children of their own. If you want something bad enough don't give up so easily. Try to stay on track with your diabetes and find yourself a knowledgeable doctor. Good luck! I wish you the very best!!
Kuddos to all of you who have this 24/7 disease!! I dont have any advice other than I am glad you are taking better care of yourself so that you will have the best possible life. I have a 5 year old daughter who got this lovely disease at age two. I am depressed to hear pregnancy may be a problem as I asked about this when she was diagnosed and they said it shouldn't be a probelm as long as she was monitored. I already plan to have a long long talk with her future spouse. I plan to tell him how tiring, constant, & bad diabetes can be and if he's prepared to marry someone who may have or may not have serious complications. She may hate me but I will have this talk!!
I appreciate all of the people that have commented on my posting and have offered their advice. I had my A1C taken last week and I have dropped to 7.3 from my prior 8!!! I am really using this as an exrta incentive to bring it below 7! I know that this will probably be the hardest portion. I continued reading Dr Bernstein's "Diabetes Solution" book to try his diabetes diet but cutting bad carbs out and focusing on protein, cheese and vegetables. Thank you all for your support!