Socialising with nondiabetic friends

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#1

Last night we got together with friends that we don’t see too often. We were celebrating a few birthdays, so I being the dessert maker, made up a nice treat. Only one person in the group is a diabetic (D) like myself, and I saw their eyes bulge out when they saw what I had made, and I could see their nonD wife giving me the evil eye, as if I was going to kill her hubby due to sugar overdose! He’s on insulin by the way, so he can “cheat” from time to time like I/we do from time to time.

As I was sitting around the table sharing appetizers and chatting up with the guys on all the latest news. I started to realise that I was wishing I was sitting with all my D friends that I’ve made contact with over the past year. I only started to socialise in D forums recently, and have found them to be a God send for when I’m feeling down or see someone asking for help. I was having an inner struggle inside of myself with feeling the way I was last night.

To read more of my dilema - go to - http://www.diabetes1.org/blogs/Annas_Blog/Socialising_with_nondiabetic_friends - read more - and maybe let me know am I crazy to feel the way I did last night? Pulling my hair out in my fingers here - feeling guilty as sin.

#2

To be honest Anna…we don’t have any diabetic friends. All of mine are just like you, here on the blogs. In a way it’s kind of sad, but then again…it’s not worth losing sleep over. I know what you mean about adding up the carbs though. I always just do the math on my own (normally at home we would do it together so the kids are learning) and tell the kids their number. They whip out their insulin and take their shots. 97% of the time, no one ever says a word. They don’t question us or get offended…nothing. That, at times, is more weird than anything.

#3

Sometimes, it is not just being with non-diabetic friends, it is also about being with friends who are diabetic that also don’t seem to get it. It makes a real difference having people that can understand what your life is about, your troubles and your feelings about things. But you know it is good, so many diabetics go through their life alone with their diabetes, and now there is part of your life that is not just a part of your inner self, you can share it with others and they can share with you. I have a “few” D friends in my real life, but most of the D people I know in real life either don’t face up to their condition or don’t share their D side, a true shame.

#4

I wanted to be at your party , sulck … no guilt friend …I have a pumper buddy here in SA and he makes the BEST dessert …I should get the recipe …about 45 grms of carb and worth every part of one unit of the juice :slight_smile: …one can’t get away from some .,regardless …next is doing some moving around …could be walking stairs to the basement and up x 100 :wink: …the non D ones may join in ?.

#5

Yeah, I agree with bsc. Honestly, the only supportive diabetic friendships I have are all of you guys in here… My husband also has the D, and he isn’t very compliant… which worries me sick, and the disease is just not real to him. I also have other friends, online (via other groups), who just seem to have some kind of a death wish, or something… They don’t bother taking care of themselves, and one is not much older than me and already on disability and having to have a nurse come and take care of her a few times a week. Regular friends seem to treat it as if I were just dieting on a whim, and I could easily just go off of it, if I wanted to… if I just quit eating the ‘candy,’ if ya know what I mean. lol “Just don’t eat so much candy all the time, and one slice of cake won’t do ya no harm.” lol

#6

Dont worry about FCA.
My experience is that it takes the DP (diabetes police) about 3-4 years to come down to earth and ‘get real’.
In the meantime nothing you say or do will usually appease them.
Go with the flow I say and smiles all round helps alot.
The DP police seem to think that a big ‘boom’ will occur with dreadful things ensuing (as they dont really understand), rather than D being a chronic condition which really needs astute day-to-day care for long term control.
PS it does look tempting though

#7

Thanks for the post. I can relate too, Please though Anna no more pictures of Spaghetti and Meatballs or Penna Pasta. Thats one of my favs! Right now I am at 250BG just looking at your picture LOL.

Maybe we can have a virtual party and post pictures of our favorite pig out foods. Then we cant reach across the table…LOL

#8

Anna, I’m with you. Though I don’t usually discuss carb counts with friends, that’s more of a family thing. But some of my best memories are having meals with various d-friends. If you’ve ever near Boston (I’m north on 495) let me know and we could organize a meetup.

#9

I know how you feel, Anna. I have very close friends and they do understand that I carb count, but they cannot understand how much of a 24/7 thing that diabetes is, Only someone with diabetes, who self-monitors and self-manages his/her disease can really relate…Even my friends who have parents and close relatives with Type 2, or my type 2 acquantances either in denial or who have not been trained in self-management do not understand how much have to do to feel healthy and stay healthy That is why I love Tudiabetes!!!

God Bless,
Brunetta

By the way, I make a delicious macaroni and cheese casserole that Everyone asks for… It has about 50 carbs per serving and I have to dual wave bolus to eat it myself

#10

The only diabetics I know are three co workers that are Type 2s. One is noncompliant and now on dialysis. The other two are on oral meds and don’t carb count. So I feel kind of removed from them. Other than that, there is a 7 year old Type 1 I share the sharps disposal with in the nurses office. We like to high 5 each other!

#11

Anna,

Here is my attitude and approach. Eat what YOU want. Bolus what YOU determine YOUR needs to be armed with the best info you can find. Socialize with the people that YOU love and who love YOU. Tell anyone and everyone YOU want to WHAT you want to. And most importantly, NEVER EVER LOOK BACK. NO REGRETS! I guess you noticed a bit of a theme there, huh? Yeah, it’s one I’m learning after almost 33 years with 'betes. No one else is gonna do it for you, and only those who really want to understand and “get it” will. I tend to hang with our non D friends who do get it, but I am always kind regarding those who don’t. But… I can no longer live my life according to what will make the “don’t get it” friends or anyone else comfortable and pleased with me in a social setting. I do what I need to do, discretely, never throwing it in anyone’s face, but not hiding it either, laugh constantly, and keep moving forward, one carb-counted meal at a time. Regarding D friends, I don’t have any locally, but I SO SO SO love getting to hang with my online D friends during my work travels. Usually we are all type 1’s (although sometimes the 2’s let us hang with them LOL) Here are the rules we live by. No policing allowed, only a good natured “DUDE!” once in a while HA HA. We seriously have such a blast! :slight_smile:

#12

I definately relate. We cook for every holiday. And my hubby’s family always comes. We cook everything from stuffing to mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, potatoe salad, caseroles. And it never fails I always get “OMG, should u be eating that?”. Then when I sit with my tbls of everything and try to count up my carbs so I can “shoot up” I get “Oh just come eat. Can’t you do that later?”. Then my mommy-n-law breaks in with “OMG I ate a donut yesterday and my sugar was 115 last night. I was so freaked out. That’s high for me.” No joke… that’s a real quote.

And then there’s the people I work with that bring in these great new dishes they made. They’ll tell everyone about it and to go try it. Then, they’ll look at me and say oh I’m so sorry I should have brought you something too…lol. Now remember, I work in an ER with RNs and docs.

Just last month, I was in the break room checking my sugar and getting ready to “shoot up”. One of my co-workers walked in and said “awww you’re diabetic. I’m sorry.” Then another spoke up and said “Yeah, she’s a bad diabetic. It’s very serious. She’s really got it hard. :(” …WHAT?..I guess it’s nice to know that she’s concerned about me.

I used to try to educate people. But now, I just laugh and log another story for the “Ds” that know. I’ve already got a pump story. I was getting PT off the the ambulance the other day and this older lady seen my pump and asked me if I had an injury or are you addicted to drugs. I asked her what she meant. She said well you have a pain pump on, what’s wrong with you. Then she told me that she’s been reading about medical staff being addicted to pain killers and abusing them…lol. I almost peed my pants.

#13

I think one of my problems was that one of my friends with me, is a diabetic, and he is the President of the West Island Diabetes Association that I’ve become VP of. He doesn’t take care of himself very well, and I think when I sat down to eat my desert (heck - it was good) - he didn’t have a slice like he usually does - and I felt guilty that I was enjoying my slice (silly moi). I have a feeling because he took his rapid insulin AFTER dinner, that his BG’s weren’t very good. I have tried to help him with learning carb counting, etc. (gave him the Pumping With Insulin book by John Walsh - which I used when I was MDI) - and he’s highly intelligent - but maybe not in the D area (and I’ll never claim to be an expert in it either). So, I think that was making me feel uncomfortable as I guzzled my drinks (had a wee bit more then usual - it had been a rough work week). With other D’s like others have said here, we would have all been laughing it off.

May take you up on that offer one day Bernard! Boston is only a 6 hour drive, plus I work for a company there, they keep on promising me that I can come and visit them, as they only know me by SKYPE teleconferences and what I write! I should just fling on my cape and fly into their offices unannounced.

#14

Thanks for picking up the magazine! It’s edited for PWDs type 2, but still some useful info for us type 1s, too!