Still not pregnant

I am here to vent my frustration. I don’t really have any questions, I just figure there must be SOMEbody out there who has dealt with something like this that can commiserate with me.

We started trying last spring, and I actually had a positive pregnancy test in June. In July, even before my first ob/gyn appointment, I had a miscarriage. I had to get a D&C. I bled for a month. All in all I think it was the least painful miscarriage experience a person could have, but it was horrible.

So the trying clock was reset to September, which means it’s only been five months, but in the meantime I just get depressed and angry every time I hear about someone else’s successful pregnancy. (And that makes me sad, because I don’t want to begrudge anyone their child!)

My A1Cs prior to that were 6.3 and under, and they have been since. I am reasonably fit and active, I have a happy marriage and a good job. It’s just my stupid body that needs to get it together!

I am going on 8 months of trying, but feeling pretty good about it. I know that the right thing at the right time will happen. However, I have a friend who has been trying for a lot longer and one day she said something that made me think. “It’s not like all those other pregnant women are having MY baby.” I think it really helped her be happy for those who were able to conceive and realize that she too will get a turn and it will be perfect for her. I don’t know if that helps, but I thought that statement made a lot of sense.
I wish you the best!

It’s totally true. That does help. My friends and family have been saying similar things, and I totally believe them, but sometimes the impatiences wins in getting me down. :slight_smile: (And there’s the other thing–I’m going to be 33 this year. The clock is freaking ticking.)

Thank you so much for dropping in!


I just read your discussion, and I want you to know that there are lot of women who go through this so please don’t single yourself out, and think that something could be wrong…I have a friend who tried for 5 years, and was unsuccessful, she couldn’t even conceive. Her and her husband were both tested for everything that possibly could of been putting a stop on the pregnancy…the tests kept coming back clear which frustrated them, but at the same time made them happy that they still had a chance. They decided to sell their house so they could use the money on invitro as they thought there was no other option. Once the house sold, they moved to a different city, and within three months they were pregnant - and they did it naturally - no invitro

So go figure, my story really has no moral, but I always think that when it is your time, it will happen, and things always happen for a reason. I am sorry that you had to go through what you did in July, as I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.

Just keep your chin up, and try not to make it take over your life, because when your body stresses out, things start not working properly.

Another thing, have you ever tried the ovulation test strips? They work wonders and have been so helpful for my friends!!!

I have heard many great stories like that. The doctors & nurses I’ve mentioned this to have all been so encouraging, too. I mean, hey–we know we’re able to conceive already! And I did realize that stressing out about it was surely not helping, so I did try to make a conscious decision not to stress out so much. Of course, it’s one thing to say it, and quite another to do it! :slight_smile:

Dude, I did not even know there was such a thing as an ovulation test strip. I’ve just been trying to stick to the calendar so far. I’m going to check into those for sure! Thank you!

Hi I can understand your frustration and sorry to hear about the miscarriage. That is always difficult.

I think that we all imagine getting pregnant in the first couple months. Among my perfectly healthy friends, it took most of them several months or even a couple years to get pregnant. Of my close friends, most of them faced a miscarriage as well.

I think that people are not very open about these topics. So we imagine that the “norm” is getting pregnant by the second or third month of trying, but from my (limited) sample, I think that is the expection and not the rule.

My husband and I are not trying yet (but getting close). So I’m trying to prepare myself that it won’t happen write away, but I think that I will be very impatient!

I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I have been trying since September as well and nothing is happening so far. I can name 8 of my close friends and family that have had babies in this last year and it breaks my heart that I’m not one of those people. I know that it will happen when it’s supposed to, but it’s hard to hear about people having babies when you’re trying to have one yourself.

I think you are absolutely right that because we don’t talk about these things, we get a skewed idea of what is “normal” timing.

I was expecting to have to be patient at first, but now I feel like I’ve already used up that patience, hehe.

Thank you for stopping by!

I try to remember that it’s because I’m trying myself that it seems like every other woman among my contemporaries is pregnant now, but it just doesn’t seem that way. Grrr, deep breath, patience must be my watchword!

Good luck to you! May we both have happy announcements for this group soon. :slight_smile:

I work in a maternity store, too, so that doesn’t help much :slight_smile: I think it’s so much more frustrating for us because so much time and effort is put in to even getting to the point to where you CAN start trying. So sometimes on top of it being 5 or 6 months of trying, you’ve got another X amount of months of getting ready for it. At least that’s what’s the most frustrating thing for me.

But you’re right, hopefully soon we’ll both have some great news!

It took my husband and I nine months after we got the green light. I was miserable and anxious, having felt like I’d waited so long to finally have permission to start trying and then seeing that negative every month… And I can relate that every success story devastated me. That’s part of why I came here to TuD.

Normally, they ask couples to try for a year before seeking help, but my endo told me after a few months of trying, since I was 30 and had my A1c right where we wanted it, that if I wasn’t pregnant within 6 months, she’d refer me to a reproductive endo in the area (whom I saw in the ninth month). We saw him, he did some testing on us and determined nothing was wrong, gave me a shot of injected ovulation trigger, and whammo we were pregnant immediately. Just gave birth to a healthy little girl two weeks ago. If you can afford to pay for any fertility treatment assistance at all, you may not have to go the whole hog and go through the expensive IVF or less expensive IUI cycles. We paid less than $1000 for the testing and injected drugs, but never had to invest in the procedures. It was great having the peace of mind that there wasn’t anything “wrong” with us and that eventually we could have a healthy baby. Then it just happened.

You may not need to worry about fertility docs yet. Our fertility doc said we were probably just in that 20% of couples who hadn’t gotten pregnant after that much trying. Your body also needed time to recover from the mis and the D&C. My friend is 7 months along after losing a baby about 6 months before that and dealing with a D&C. It took her body time to recognize it was no longer pregnant. Most women who miscarry DO go on to have perfectly uneventful pregnancies. I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you the best, kirinqueen.

Sweetie, you’re clock aint tickin’ yet!!! I’m 42 and have been trying for YEARS and years, and last September my partner and I broke up… so you are in a lot better shape than a lot of us! People today are having kids well into their 40’s, and my Endo says that Diabetes doesn’t affect fertility and healthy babies are always the outcome for his patients because they care about the results…so relax! maybe that’s all you need, although hearing “relax” often inflames people! You could try accupuncture, yoga excercises for fertility and relaxation, specialists, as well as guided meditation, fertility diets including lots of spinach and salmon and nuts, and vitamins that affect fertility like zinc, selinium, magnesium, folic acid…

just never give up - that’s the only option. And believe it will happen. I had a miscarraige too, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever been thru. I believe that’s why my partner and I split up. Try to enjoy your days, hobbies, lover, home, and smell all the roses!

So, you and others might read “oh god, she’s 42 and single – it’s too late! She should just give up!” but I won’t. Never. I WILL be a mom somehow, someway, somewhere, even if it’s adoption. I just know it, and in the end that’s all you can do is trust and believe in yourself. :wink:

Thank you for reminding me about my body needing to recover–I’d kind of forgotten that. My insulin resistance had gone up during the pregnancy, and only just maybe ten days did it come back down to what it was before the pregnancy! I think that might have finally been the turning point for my body. Now let’s see how the next few months of trying go. :slight_smile: (I wish I would have realized that sooner. There could have been a lot less ranting, haha.)

You’re totally right! And it’s certainly the case that it’s only too late when you think it is. We always have options!

Aside from the miscarriage, I was you 13 years ago. I was so angry when I’d hear of someone who got pregnant when I was trying and then instead I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Anger would be an understatement. I’d cry constantly I was so upset.

A year after I was diagnosed and set on having at least one child, I got pregnant with Lily, who will turn 12 next month. Since her arrival, I had 2 more children, Caroline will be 9 in April and Samuel will be 6 in July. Granted, it took time for me to get pregnant with all 3 of them, hence the 3 years between each of them.

I know its easier said than done, but try to relax and take care of yourself. I had finally given up the whole idea of a baby then I found out I was pregnant with Lily.

Good luck!

wow reading these stories gives me so much hope. I went for my ultrasound last Tuesday when i was exactly 10 weeks and found no heartbeat had to have a D&C the next day. stopped bleeding 2 days ago which is weird according to the doctor the average is ten days of bleeding, My husband and I really wanted to start a family and this sad news has really depressed me. I know i need to get my blood sugar under tighter control. Its comforting to know im not going through this alone.

I bled for three weeks–it varies a lot! It is depressing, and so, so frustrating. It’s good to know there are other people who have been through what I have–as much as I REALLY don’t want this to happen to anyone. So stay healthy, and don’t give up! You are definitely not alone.

My husband and I just learned we lost our baby- 9 weeks along. Everything was perfect from the start- on the omnipod and couldn’t ask for my husband to be anymore excited.
We had our 3rd ultrasound this Monday and everything looked normal, the sonographer measured our baby “Sparrow” and growth was perfect to the day. Then all of a sudden she got quiet and said, ok, let me go get the dr. When the high-risk specialist came in, she was cold and rude. There is no heartbeat, you have lost the baby. How could I have lost the baby? I JUST SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES! The sonographer said it is measuring perfecting…what do you mean?

To say the least, my husband and I are in shock. We had just picked out the crib and furniture this past weekend. I had planned my entire summer and fall around high-risk specialist appointment, not an easy thing to do when you have a full-time job and going to grad school.
I was told I will need a D&C, as I am not spotting or bleeding, and feel everybit still pregnant. I have another appt with my OB in about 30 min. I just needed to hear I am not the only one, I need to hear that my baby did not suffer because of my stupid diabetes that I’ve had for 23 years now. I’ve never hated it, never wanted to just punch it out, it was always a part of my life, a part of me, something that made me who I am today, but now I am questioning everything.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers…

Oh, Megan. Our hearts go out to you. If it is any consolation, one of my best friends lost her baby at 9 weeks and didn’t find out until week 12 that he’d stopped growing. She, too, had to have a D&C. Three months later, she got pregnant again and is due with a baby boy a couple of weeks from now. Nothing can really make the loss of a hoped-for baby any easier, I know, but I believe it helps to know that many women go on to have perfectly successful pregnancies. I’ll be thinking of you.

You are doing a great job!! Be kind to yourself and give your body time to recover.

One thing that helped me immensely was the book ‘Taking Charge of your Fertility’. I discovered it before I was pregnant, but learned so much for both attaining pregnancy and avoiding it if that is what you want. I was actually kind of upset that there I was almost 30 and had NEVER heard of some of the fertility signals like tracking vaginal fluid, etc. I am so happy to say that following the charting in the book (a pain in the ■■■, but totally worth it) we were pregnant within 6 months and now have a healthy, funny 2 year old girl. Hoping to start it all over again soon.

Wishing you the very best of luck, stay strong!