9 weeks and no heartbeat

So I write this with a heavy heart, but I went to my first ultrasound at 9 weeks and our little one didnt have a heartbeat :frowning: The doctor insisted that it was nothing to do with my diabetes, I have an A1C of 5.5 and that the baby just didnt develop right somewhere along the way or had chromosomal issues, either way though it was the absolute worst feeling in the world, knowing there was nothing that could have been done. I am having a D&C tomorrow afternoon at 3:30 pm (California time) so if you could all just keep me in your thoughts and prayers I would appreciate it so much. I am so devastated, but happy that if it was going to happen it happened now instead of later on when I got even more attached. if anyone has any experience with miscarriages please write me, I am just getting by hour to hour right now, it is just so very painful. My OB and I am hopeful that one day I will be a mom, and we will try again in a few months.
Thanks little family xo

I’ve very sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry. I have not had a miscarriage, but I have two close friends who have, and I know from them how very difficult it is. I know it can be hard because it’s not something you can tell many people (or at least in our culture usually people don’t). I know everyone who reads your post will be thinking of you tomorrow.

I’m so sorry for your loss, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Mariah I am so sorry. I had my D&C on the 31st December 2010. My baby never developed. Their was just a gestational sac when I went for my 10 week scan. As it was the 21st December I couldn’t go back in a weeks time to make sure my dates were wrong (I knew they wernt) I had to go the whole xmas period not knowing of I was pregnant anymore (I knew I wasn’t). I had a D&C the same day as my 2nd scan under local aneastetic which being diabetic was much better (it was a new thing my hospital had just started) so I didn’t have to go to teatre and it was over in 20 minutes. You are very brave to post on here. I couldn’t have. Once again my loss wasn’t connected to my diabetes and I got my period back exactly 2 months later. I’m glad I had a D&C as therer was a much lower chance of infection and I knew everything was removed and I woudnt have to see anything. I only had severe cramps for one day after and they gave me strong painkillers and paracetamol which worked really well. I hope yours goes just as well for you. We are back trying again now. My cycle seems more regular now but be aware it may be totally different PMS symptoms than you had before. I was so convinced I was pregnant again straight away but it is your body just adjusting. Kathy xx

One of my dearest friends suffered a pregnancy loss at 9 weeks and didn’t discover it until a 12 week ultrasound. She had to have a D&C and it took her body a few months to accept that she wasn’t pregnant anymore. Within 3-6 months, she was pregnant again though and is now adoring her 11 month old son. Had she never known the loss, this child wouldn’t be there with her today.

Another pregnancy can’t replace this child that you’re grieving for, but I hope that you are able to accept the loss without blaming yourself and try for another pregnancy. So many women miscarry and most go on to have healthy children. It’s unfair but true that some embryos aren’t viable for one reason or another. I’ll be thinking of you as you recover from this blow. hug

Mariah, sending you huge hugs and will be praying for you constantly! Please turn to us when you need to talk or express what you are feeling. For now, take care of yourself so that you will be ready mentally and physically for the next pregnancy.

How devastating! I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I too have been in your situation. You will be in my thoughts and prayers today.

I’m sorry this has happened as I know just how excited you were. We had our first pregnancy end in miscarriage last Fall. We heard the heartbeat at 8 weeks, then 4 days later when I went in for my a follow up screening, the baby no longer had a heartbeat. We were absolutely devestated. I sobbed for two days straight. I had a D&C two days later. They also said it was due to chromosomal issues where the baby didn’t develop properly- not related to diabetes at all. Basically, my body recognized that the baby was missing a chromosome, so my body terminated the pregnancy.

It took 2 weeks to get a negative pregnancy test. We started trying again immediately. I haven’t had a menstrual cycle since July 2010. So, we conceived August 2010, miscarried Sept 28, 2010, D&C October 1, 2010. Conceived AGAIN first week of November 2010. We are now almost 23 weeks with the second pregnancy.

Honestly, I know this is going to hurt to hear, but it made me feel a little bit better: About half of the female poplulation has suffered at least one miscarriage.

The first trimester is definitely the scariest. I swear, I’m at 22 weeks and I still get scared that I’m going to lose her sometimes. It doesn’t make much sense, but I can’t seem to get passed that icky feeling until I see her and hold her in my arms.

You WILL get through this. And you WILL conceive again. Grieve. Get it out of your system. Then, try again. And when you conceive again, make sure you celebrate.

Oh Mariah, I am so sorry – big hugs! I am keeping you in my thoughts.

So sorry to hear that last year I suffered a ectopic pregnancy found out when i was 8 weeks along… so I truly understand your pain. It took me a min to recover but through Prayer and support my husband and myself got through out lost. 4 months later we were pregnant again and now I’m 32 weeks pregnant. Allow yourself time to heal and recover and try again… Things always happen for a reason we can never question God on why/how he allow things to happen… I’m praying for your recovery and you will be pregnant again soon… I also had a D&C and this makes you VERY fertile…

I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I had miscarriage last August at 7 weeks. The baby wasn’t even developed/implanted, saw nothing on the ultrasound. I knew there was something wrong when I took 5 pregnancy tests because I couldn’t really tell if the “pregnant” line was actually there. It was so faint. Even without seeing the baby, it still hurts deeply.

I did get pregnant 3 months later and am now 22 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy is the best yet (I have 3 kids already).

Don’t blame yourself for the loss. It’s easy for diabetics to think that we could have done something better or that perhaps the risks would have been decreased if we weren’t diabetic. The truth is your A1C was perfect meaning that it would have been as if you didn’t have diabetes. Miscarriages due to chromosomal issues are the most frequent of all miscarriages. It’s safer for the baby to be in the protection of God’s hands.

Do allow yourself to mourn. It is a life that was loss. Grieving is more than acceptable in this case. My prayers are with you.

thank you everyone so very much for your support and thoughts and prayers. Each day gets a little easier but the heartache is still there, it seems like its just a bad dream that should be waking up from any moment, but I have to come to reality and realize that it wouldnt have been a healthy baby anyways. It is just devastating. We will try again ina couple months and for now I’m just concentrating on healing my body and my mind. It is so crazy how something so common can be so heartbreaking. :frowning: Please continue to keep me in your prayers, I really appreciate all the love and support.
Thanks everyone

Definitely take whatever time you need to heal mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I did a lot of research and don’t know if it holds truth or not, but it’s said that if you m/c, the next 3 months are your most fertile. So, if you are definitely going to try to conceive again soon, you might want to consider trying again within the next 3 months as you’ll be very fertile during that time period. Just a thought. I dont know if holds truth or not, as it took us 3 weeks to conceive both times.

Good luck and you are in my thoughts. Hugs.

Hi Marps,
Thank you for all the support, I feel like we are so much alike and especially now that we both had miscarriages that sound similiar. It just makes me so mad I guess because I worked so very hard for months to get my A1C to a safe level to even try and conceive and then we did and I worked so hard to keep my numbers low and it just seems like everything I tried so hard for just blew up in my face :frowning: I’m trying to make sense of it all right now, and each day does get a little easier, I just have to keep moving forward.
So I really want to try again soon, but we are in a bit of a time crunch. See the plan was to try and be pregnant by June because if so then the baby would be born in Cali and if not then it would be born in Georgia. My hubs is in the military and we are stationed to go to Georgia in March 2012, so this baby would have been perfect timing because it would have been born in October and that would have just been great, but now, my doctor has advised us to wait 2 months before trying again to give myself time to heal, did yours tell you that at all? So it is just sucky because in two months will be June, which would put our move if I got pregnant right away again, I would be like 8 and a half months along and moving across the country :frowning: It would also be hard too with trying to find a doctor and everything in Georgia, so we are kind of stuck in a tough place right now. I want to try again as soon as we can, but I am scared my body will not have recovered enough and I really dont want to risk another miscarriage by not waiting, that happend to two of our cousins, they both had miscarriages and got pregnant the next month and miscarried again. It has been so hard on me that I really fear that happening again :frowning: But look at you, this happened to you and you are carrying a perfect baby, so I just dont know what to do?
My husband wants to wait until like August or September to try again, so I would be like 6 months when we moved but I just cant imagine waiting that long :frowning:

I’m so so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts & prayers.

Mariah- I understand the sense of urgency. I remember feeling very similar when we miscarried. I felt like I had worked so hard to make a perfect baby, and then the baby died anyway. Then, I beat myself up over it- started smoking cigarettes again, didn’t eat for days, didn’t check my glucose levels for a few days, etc. I was really wounded and angry. But, then my husband told me that

  1. It wasn’t my fault.
  2. He still loved me.
  3. If I was hurting myself, it was going to hurt our next baby in the long run.

So, I stopped and we waited only until we got a negative pregnancy test (which would mean your HCG levels are back to “normal” and your body recognizes it’s no longer pregnant. We started trying again a week later. I never had a menstrual cycle in between pregnancies.

I don’t want to tell you what to do in this situation because it is entirely up to you and your husband. In my situation, I understood that our first baby was gone. I understood that we weren’t meant to have that child, so I let him go. We had dreams and hopes and a name picked out for that first baby… and that name is now forever attached to that child we will never meet. I understood that. So, I didn’t need time to heal emotionally. You might need time. When my sister m/c, she was emotionally wounded by it for over a year. It depends on the person, you know?

As far as my body, I had only gained 5 lbs of water retention. Actually, against the doctor’s orders, the day after the D&C, we were intimate because I needed that to feel whole again. After the D&C I felt like they had taken a piece of me out with it. So… physically I heal pretty quickly too… but again, that depends on the person too.

Typically the doctor will tell you to wait 2 months to try again because

  1. It gives your body a chance to drop the HCG levels back to normal (but sometimes this only takes a few weeks)
  2. It allows your body to have a menstrual cycle- doctors like to have a menstrual cycle in between so they can use it for dating when the baby could have been conceived. In my situation, we could be off on the EDD (expected delivery date) by 2 weeks because we don’t have a cycle to date off of
  3. It gives you time to heal emotionally, if you need to.

Honestly, you need to do what’s best for you and YOUR situation. I’m not the type of person to follow doctor’s orders. I ask questions, see how they respond, and then see if what they are suggesting will work for my life. In the end, it’s my life and my choices that will affect me and my loved ones. I’m not a textbook patient. :slight_smile:

I wouldn’t recommend traveling while 6 or 8 months pregnant. It can cause bloodclots in your uterus- can cause contractions- can halt delivery of nutrients to your baby. I say it CAN, not that it WILL. :slight_smile: If you do end up being pregnant and needing to make that long trip, stay hydrated, put your feet up as much as you can, and stop every 1-2 hours to walk around for at least 15 minutes. Don’t allow yourself to be cramped in the car. You must have room to move and shift if you need to. I’m 6 months now and I am starting to get really uncomfortable just sitting and laying down. haha.

I know you probably don’t want to look at it like this right now, but this will be a really big growth opportunity for you and your husband emotionally. I really learned that I could lean on my husband when we went through our m/c. I had a hard time leaning on anyone before that. But, it’s a good thing that I learned he could support me because being pregnant is not easy. Especially Type 1 and pregnant. I have needed him a lot throughout this pregnancy.

I hope this helps you a little bit.

Hugs- Marps