There can be no shame
How many of us think sometimes that we need to be ashamed of being diabetic? I see so many people speaking of relationships and it usually asks the question when should I tell my date? Should I say it on the first date, second, 50th? Suppose he don’t like me? Suppose she is scared she might catch it? Suppose this or that might happen?
It is also true of a job search. When should I say? Suppose I lose a job? Suppose I get fired? Suppose I never get the second interview? What if the interviewers cancel the interview when they find out?
It is also true with our extended family. Who do we tell, who do we keep it from? Does our uncle need to know? How about our aunt? She tells everyone and the tale gets bigger as it goes. How about the crazy aunt who will call everyone and tell them about your prognosis? How about when she tells everybody you ate too much sugar that is why you have diabetes today?
We have excellent reasons to keep our diagnosis “quiet”. In an wonderful web article on the issue,
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/patientinstructions/000602.htm
Medline plus advises us to:
“Know that people will react in different ways. They may be:
• Surprised.
• Nervous. Some people might not know what to say, or they might worry they will say the wrong thing. Let them know that there is no right way to react and no perfect thing to say.
•Helpful. They know someone else with the same illness so they are familiar with what is going on for you. “
It has been my experience that when you tell someone about your diabetes, they are seldom helpful, but almost never are they mean spirited, scared nor will they distance themselves from us at least at the beginning. Most often what we hear is some ridiculous story about their uncle Jim who lost both feet because he worked in a saw mill and accidentally got them removed and the doctor said they could not reattachment them because he was diabetic. I mean the stories are totally ridiculous, and yet we have to balance when and who to tell.
What was your funniest story about telling someone? If you have been diabetic for a few years I am sure you have the crazy story. My first and best was the guy who decided I got diabetes from drinking way to much Tab. Back in the 60’s Tab had sodium saccharin. He figured that because my family only drank Tab and I drank it almost exclusively, my body so craved sugar that my body stopped producing insulin in order to manufacture its own. Even today I love that in his mind Tab caused my diabetes. I mean the guy was an idiot so being stupid about diabetes was par for the course.
The fellow asked me about this theory, claiming he had divine or medical or alien instructions that this was true. When I said no, Tab did not cause my diabetes he got fired up and spread the idea around my circle of friends. Pretty soon no one was drinking Tab except me. I told my friends that left more Tab for me.
The issue of course remains when and when do you tell people about diabetes. I can only give my experience. I have a long standing policy if they don’t want me because of diabetes, they don’t want me. I mean I cannot really change that. I can change lots of things about me but I cannot change that. Let’s face it if I could I would and it would have nothing to do with a third party.
Now I know what folks will say. If you were me, you would keep it quiet as well, if you faced not getting a job, getting a date, enduring the craziness at the family gathering you would keep it quiet as well. And you would be mostly right. My life is more set, my career over, my children have children themselves. So what would I know about such things? I only know my experience, and the truth remains the truth if they did not want me, I did not want them. Getting a job, a mate, or getting along at the family gathering is a two way street. Sure diabetics might get shut out, but if they do those how do it are missing so much more than they know.
There is a Christian biblical story. Jesus tells his apostles, that they should go to a town, preach the gospel and if rejected leave. The apostles are instructed to knock the dirt from their sandals as they leave the town. I suggest we as diabetics do the same. If we are rejected, knock the dirt off our shoes as we leave. If those we leave behind are to be rescued, someone else will need to do it. For me this diabetic, (like Elvis), has left the building.
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Rick