In the last few months my family and I have moved halfway across the world, then from Tx to FL. and then 3 times within Fl. We went to Texas for my mother’s treatment but it did not go well, in fact it seemed to speed up the worst of it. So the decision was made to return to FL where I grew up and a couple family members still live. Our plan was to spend whatever time left the best way we knew how… Making as many memories as we could. Mom was doing she was doing what she always did, willing herself to the next event. In this case she had made it to my little brother’s birthday and was focusing on Thanksgiving. Her health was really declining so we moved it up, had our own wonderful little thanksgiving. It was beautiful and that night she thanked us all for a wonderful day, hugged and kissed us goodnight and told us how much she loved us… The next morning everything was different and I’m sorry to say that within a week she died. It was and still is the hardest thing we’ve ever had to go through, and it doesn’t matter how much time you had or how aware you were of time…it’s still devastating. i don’t think there’s much more i can or want to write about it.
We’re in a more permanent place now, the kids are doing well all things considered and i’m doing my best to help them. They’ve had a rough year, we lost our grandfather, grandmother, and mother within 8 months. Mom passed just before the holidays so every one was the first “without mom” and that was so hard. I think we managed to give them a great Christmas despite all the yuck, and that would have thrilled mom. I wish so much more for them all, but i guess you have to be happy with what you can do, and not obsess over the things you can’t fix.
I saw a doctor today for the first time in quite a few months. I have a referral to an endo and blood tests in the works. I hope to be getting back on track and starting over with doctors that will listen and then, you know, actually help. The last guy was the worst. I swear I would have been sunk if it wasn’t for this site and the people who reached out to me.
I kind of feel belatedly overwhelmed. Huge changes have occurred and I’ve seen what grief, stress, and letting things slide can do and i do not like it. I’m frustrated with myself for having higher numbers than usual and not knowing where the hell to start. But at the same time,I know I am still learning, and though it’s been a year since being diagnosed it’s like i’m just starting out with a team now. I WILL DO BETTER and thankfully I don’t have to do it on my own.
I’m going to be around more because i recognize I’m of no use to my family if I’m ill due to not properly handling the bum pancreas. I hope that with hard work, my new team of doctors, and continued help from all you wonderful people I will be able to find the balance needed to manage it all.
I hope that all of you are doing well, that you are finding some joy in everyday. Peace and heaps of Blessings to you.
ish